Last night (my time) I spent about an hour on the phone with the people who hold my loans from college. Being here makes it hard, no, impossible, to make payments on my loans, so I had to make sure my deferment went through. I've been sending the paperwork in multiple mediums over the last 2 months trying to get it in on time. Everything had been going wrong. I was so frustrated. Forms were being censored on their way out and would arrive with pages missing. Mail that normally takes two weeks wasn't arriving after five. I was SO frustrated.
So I spent a long time on the phone last night. And I was getting angry and trying not to take it out on the woman on the phone. Eventually, she granted me a forbearance until I could make sure the forms got there for sure. I was so relieved. So this morning, I got up and decided to check my account profile to see that the forbearance had posted. And, instead, I was granted the deferment. ::sigh:: Another year to save up so I can start making payments until I get back.
This is my last entry for about a month. So don't feel bad if you don't hear from me. I'll be staying with some friends for the holidays and will not be around the internet but to check e-mail once in a while.
I wish you all the best month and hope you all enjoy it and get to spend it with family. I miss you all and can't wait until we can spend this time together again.
<3
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
"Santa, I can see your pillow"
The lower school had a visit from santa today, and it was awesome. All around, it was a good day. It started with meetings and getting things organized and sending correspondances to about 7 different countries, and around lunch time, it just went in the right direction. I had bells on my shoes. Christmas music was playing in the staff lounge. Santa was here for the kids. The last day of school and they are OFF THE WALLS! I spent half an hour with 1st and 2nd graders, chasing them around the quad and then they were calling me Mrs. Clause and were my reindeers and leading me to the north pole.
It was so nice to just release it all. To forget that I'm "the boss" and that there is so much to do. To just revel in the holidays with people around me. To show students that teachers can have fun, too. To just let it all go. To watch santa talk to the kids, and give them gifts. To wish them all a good vacation. To cram a bus full of students to go to the upper school at the end of the day. To laugh and sing songs. To eat the meal that was supposed to be prepared for the Christmas banquet last weekend.
And tomorrow is thanksgiving, and what am I thankful for?
-I am thankful for all of you that have taken the time to come and read this blog and who e-mail me and pray for me and support me while I'm here. The people at home that I miss so much for the holidays.
-For the people who are here that keep me sane. And support me. And stand by me when things are rough.
-For my colleagues that support me. That drive me insane. That are behind me and push me to be better than I am.
-For my students. A year and a half in, and they are on my like flies on sticky paper. They are all over the place. Kids that aren't even music students. It's a wonderful feeling to know that they are comfortable enough to come into your office and cry when they need to, but that they still respect you enough to do push-ups when you tell them to.
-For my friends all over the world that I haven't seen in a long time. that still keep in touch and are still amazing and wonderful people. Even watching them grow from a distance is an honor.
-For the people here who have become my family. My aunties and uncles, and moms and dads, and akas and thambis and anays. These are the people that make my life complete. Fill up my heart.
It's an amazing time of year. I'm glad I don't have to work during it (or at least, after Saturday).
<3
It was so nice to just release it all. To forget that I'm "the boss" and that there is so much to do. To just revel in the holidays with people around me. To show students that teachers can have fun, too. To just let it all go. To watch santa talk to the kids, and give them gifts. To wish them all a good vacation. To cram a bus full of students to go to the upper school at the end of the day. To laugh and sing songs. To eat the meal that was supposed to be prepared for the Christmas banquet last weekend.
And tomorrow is thanksgiving, and what am I thankful for?
-I am thankful for all of you that have taken the time to come and read this blog and who e-mail me and pray for me and support me while I'm here. The people at home that I miss so much for the holidays.
-For the people who are here that keep me sane. And support me. And stand by me when things are rough.
-For my colleagues that support me. That drive me insane. That are behind me and push me to be better than I am.
-For my students. A year and a half in, and they are on my like flies on sticky paper. They are all over the place. Kids that aren't even music students. It's a wonderful feeling to know that they are comfortable enough to come into your office and cry when they need to, but that they still respect you enough to do push-ups when you tell them to.
-For my friends all over the world that I haven't seen in a long time. that still keep in touch and are still amazing and wonderful people. Even watching them grow from a distance is an honor.
-For the people here who have become my family. My aunties and uncles, and moms and dads, and akas and thambis and anays. These are the people that make my life complete. Fill up my heart.
It's an amazing time of year. I'm glad I don't have to work during it (or at least, after Saturday).
<3
Friday, November 20, 2009
Loss
The student I mentioned in the last entry passed away yesterday morning. It's too bad restful sleep hasn't come to me yet.
I think I feel asleep for about an hour last night but it was interrupted by nightmares. I don't know what's going on right now, but I do know that in my life at the moment, there is a lot of spiritual warfare happening. And I will clothe myself in the armour of God and it will be defeated.
The other entry I had brewing will have to wait. Just wanted to give you the update.
I think I feel asleep for about an hour last night but it was interrupted by nightmares. I don't know what's going on right now, but I do know that in my life at the moment, there is a lot of spiritual warfare happening. And I will clothe myself in the armour of God and it will be defeated.
The other entry I had brewing will have to wait. Just wanted to give you the update.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tortured
I've had a couple of really tortured nights this week. I haven't been able to sleep. Things have been popping into my head that shouldn't be. And, especially last night, the sight of one of our students laying hurt and bleeding on our covered courts was forever engrained. I know that sight will never leave, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with it.
I got home this evening after making an effort to be out with friends despite how I was feeling. All day I've felt the sickness taking over my body. I haven't really been able to eat for the last few days, and the fever has been slowly rising, with the aches and tiredness. I've felt completely worn down. Emotionally and physically. I went outside because I could feel myself burning up. I sat on my stoop and looked at the Lutheran Church that is next door. There is a pane glass window directly in front of the stoop, and on it is a person above a cross with his eyes covered with his hands. I spent a good deal of time sitting there and praying.
I prayed that God would relieve the sights that I see when I close my eyes. That He would allow me a night's sleep. That He would heal what this is that is taking over my body. But most of all, that I would learn something from all of it. Last night is the first time I have cried about that student. Up until now it's been work. When the accident happened, I jumped in and got to work. I kept the students away. Backed up the line of control. Kept people calm. "Crisis mode" it's called. And I've pretty much been in it all week. But now it's time to feel. And that's not always so easy.
I'm very thankful that there's really only a week left of school. So very thankful. In two weeks I'll be with my friends. It's official. I picked up my tickets today. All semester, we wait until the break. Then the break happens and we're counting down for school to begin. And the cycle starts over. We're always counting down. I need to be better about staying in the moment.
There's another entry brewing in my mind, but that will have to wait until tomorrow or Friday. "I"?
I got home this evening after making an effort to be out with friends despite how I was feeling. All day I've felt the sickness taking over my body. I haven't really been able to eat for the last few days, and the fever has been slowly rising, with the aches and tiredness. I've felt completely worn down. Emotionally and physically. I went outside because I could feel myself burning up. I sat on my stoop and looked at the Lutheran Church that is next door. There is a pane glass window directly in front of the stoop, and on it is a person above a cross with his eyes covered with his hands. I spent a good deal of time sitting there and praying.
I prayed that God would relieve the sights that I see when I close my eyes. That He would allow me a night's sleep. That He would heal what this is that is taking over my body. But most of all, that I would learn something from all of it. Last night is the first time I have cried about that student. Up until now it's been work. When the accident happened, I jumped in and got to work. I kept the students away. Backed up the line of control. Kept people calm. "Crisis mode" it's called. And I've pretty much been in it all week. But now it's time to feel. And that's not always so easy.
I'm very thankful that there's really only a week left of school. So very thankful. In two weeks I'll be with my friends. It's official. I picked up my tickets today. All semester, we wait until the break. Then the break happens and we're counting down for school to begin. And the cycle starts over. We're always counting down. I need to be better about staying in the moment.
There's another entry brewing in my mind, but that will have to wait until tomorrow or Friday. "I"?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Love Conquers All
Today, I was in charge of religious assembly at school... The theme was "Love Protects" coming from 1 Corinthians. We've been studying it all semester in these assemblies... I had no idea how to address this. I didn't know how to make it relevant to the students. How do you present this to a diverse group of religious backgrounds? I had no idea at all, and spent time yesterday praying about it, and praying for God to use me for something the kids needed.
As I was playing around the internet, I realized that this Friday is To Write Love on Her Arms day. I took part in this when I was in America, and it is the ultimate in love protecting. That combined with the Lifehouse skit from youtube, proved to be a pretty powerful assembly. During the first video (the story of TWLOHA), I saw kids crying, not being able to watch, but mostly, riveted. There was no talking in the hall. Then I read the mission of TWLOHA. Go to their website to read it. (www.twloha.com)
It speaks that we are meant to love and be loved. That we need community. That our lives mean something. That the best is yet to come.
Then I played the 'Lifhouse "Everything" skit' from youtube (check it out at youtube.com and search for that title). It is a very powerful video. And before I played it, I had the first image up, and you have Jesus standing there in a robe with a purple sash. And I told the kids "even if you don't believe in that man, see him as love, and what love is willing to do for you, and can do for you, above all the temptations the world throws at you."
And at the end "There is at least one person in this room that loves you enough to do that. Reach out. God is love. Love conquers all. And the greatest of these, is love."
I was freaking out. The first video is not an easy one. It is harsh and real. It does not hide things. It is raw. And the words Renee carves into her arm are not good, and when they popped onto the screen, I was worried that the administration that was sitting around the hall would have a problem. That they'd think all of this inappropriate.
There was someone in that room that needed to hear that today. Someone needed to know that there is hope out there. That they can reach out. That there are people ready and willing to help. I really hope that's the case. I pray that those kids learned something. I've gotten a lot of good responses from the kids, and from some of the staff. Thanking me for being real.
I can't be anything but real. I don't know why I am that way, but it's the truth. There is nothing in me but truth, and sometimes, that's harsh. God gave me words today, and I pray they fell on open ears.
"The greatest of these is love."
I love you all.
As I was playing around the internet, I realized that this Friday is To Write Love on Her Arms day. I took part in this when I was in America, and it is the ultimate in love protecting. That combined with the Lifehouse skit from youtube, proved to be a pretty powerful assembly. During the first video (the story of TWLOHA), I saw kids crying, not being able to watch, but mostly, riveted. There was no talking in the hall. Then I read the mission of TWLOHA. Go to their website to read it. (www.twloha.com)
It speaks that we are meant to love and be loved. That we need community. That our lives mean something. That the best is yet to come.
Then I played the 'Lifhouse "Everything" skit' from youtube (check it out at youtube.com and search for that title). It is a very powerful video. And before I played it, I had the first image up, and you have Jesus standing there in a robe with a purple sash. And I told the kids "even if you don't believe in that man, see him as love, and what love is willing to do for you, and can do for you, above all the temptations the world throws at you."
And at the end "There is at least one person in this room that loves you enough to do that. Reach out. God is love. Love conquers all. And the greatest of these, is love."
I was freaking out. The first video is not an easy one. It is harsh and real. It does not hide things. It is raw. And the words Renee carves into her arm are not good, and when they popped onto the screen, I was worried that the administration that was sitting around the hall would have a problem. That they'd think all of this inappropriate.
There was someone in that room that needed to hear that today. Someone needed to know that there is hope out there. That they can reach out. That there are people ready and willing to help. I really hope that's the case. I pray that those kids learned something. I've gotten a lot of good responses from the kids, and from some of the staff. Thanking me for being real.
I can't be anything but real. I don't know why I am that way, but it's the truth. There is nothing in me but truth, and sometimes, that's harsh. God gave me words today, and I pray they fell on open ears.
"The greatest of these is love."
I love you all.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Relationships...
Relationships are essential to life... and all my life, I've longed for deep meaningful relationships... right as I began to make them, I moved to India. Some of these have continued to flourish, but others have dwindled. This summer was an amazing time of growing closer to people around me. It made me desire all the more to be around those people and get to know them and just spend time with them.
But when it came to applying to schools, I actually applied to two schools that were completely separate from any sense of anyone I knew. My first acceptance came and I was really excited and ready to move to Boston. Second came and they offered a huge scholarship (and was a better school) and I was ready to move to New Jersey... then, the third comes, a school that I have no idea why I applied. It's a good school, but is close to home, so I really didn't want to go (and it's expensive). They, too, offered a huge scholarship that is making NJ and this one basically cost the same (not counting living expenses).
So, since the acceptance, I've been spending a lot of time praying about it. And God keeps telling me about relationships. By the time I move back, I'll have been gone for three years, and not just down the street. On the other side of the world. Relationships matter. And I want to nurture those in my life that I can. This means, my brothers (who will both be in college at this point), my mother, and my church family that I've grown to love. School, of course, will allow me the new relationships that come with a new stage in life, while allowing me to grow in old ones.
Moving back to a place where people know you is so much harder than a new place. But growing around and with them is so much more rewarding.
I never thought that my answer would be close to home, but apparently, it is. God is clearly telling me to go there.
No matter how appealing living 30mins away from Manhattan is!
But when it came to applying to schools, I actually applied to two schools that were completely separate from any sense of anyone I knew. My first acceptance came and I was really excited and ready to move to Boston. Second came and they offered a huge scholarship (and was a better school) and I was ready to move to New Jersey... then, the third comes, a school that I have no idea why I applied. It's a good school, but is close to home, so I really didn't want to go (and it's expensive). They, too, offered a huge scholarship that is making NJ and this one basically cost the same (not counting living expenses).
So, since the acceptance, I've been spending a lot of time praying about it. And God keeps telling me about relationships. By the time I move back, I'll have been gone for three years, and not just down the street. On the other side of the world. Relationships matter. And I want to nurture those in my life that I can. This means, my brothers (who will both be in college at this point), my mother, and my church family that I've grown to love. School, of course, will allow me the new relationships that come with a new stage in life, while allowing me to grow in old ones.
Moving back to a place where people know you is so much harder than a new place. But growing around and with them is so much more rewarding.
I never thought that my answer would be close to home, but apparently, it is. God is clearly telling me to go there.
No matter how appealing living 30mins away from Manhattan is!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Decisions to change a life...
First, I should say congratulations to all of my students... I know none of them read this, but they deserve it. Our students did very well on the exam this year. We had two students fail, 13 Passes, 20 Merits and 8 Distinctions. I'm really glad that part of the year is over.
Our secretary left for a month today. That makes me sad. I know she'll enjoy her time, but still. I wish she was still here to keep me sane. There is so much work to be done and I have NO IDEA where to begin.
Within this week, I have to make some pretty big decisions, and I'm spending a lot of time in prayer about them. I really want to make the right decision, and I know God will show me in time. I'm expecting to make it within the next few days and then I'll write some of the thoughts that have been going through my head, as well as one that God has clearly given me that is influencing my decision.
There are only 3.5 weeks left and school is over. I really only teach for two more weeks. It's hard to believe that this semester is over already.
There is so much going on in my head, but tonight, it's just not working. I need to get some good sleep before our meeting tomorow morning.
<3
Our secretary left for a month today. That makes me sad. I know she'll enjoy her time, but still. I wish she was still here to keep me sane. There is so much work to be done and I have NO IDEA where to begin.
Within this week, I have to make some pretty big decisions, and I'm spending a lot of time in prayer about them. I really want to make the right decision, and I know God will show me in time. I'm expecting to make it within the next few days and then I'll write some of the thoughts that have been going through my head, as well as one that God has clearly given me that is influencing my decision.
There are only 3.5 weeks left and school is over. I really only teach for two more weeks. It's hard to believe that this semester is over already.
There is so much going on in my head, but tonight, it's just not working. I need to get some good sleep before our meeting tomorow morning.
<3
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Life goes on...
So, RSM is over. Tomorrow we'll go through the results... whatever. At this point, we can't change anything... no stressing...
I took the first steps last night in making some major decisions for my life, and I'm very excited about them. Hopefully by the beginning of next week it will be official.
There's really not a lot going on right now as tomorrow will be my first day of having a life in about a month... but that's cool.... might try to go for a bike ride tomorrow... i could use one...
As you can see, my typing keeps getting worse... so I shall go and relax the night away...
I took the first steps last night in making some major decisions for my life, and I'm very excited about them. Hopefully by the beginning of next week it will be official.
There's really not a lot going on right now as tomorrow will be my first day of having a life in about a month... but that's cool.... might try to go for a bike ride tomorrow... i could use one...
As you can see, my typing keeps getting worse... so I shall go and relax the night away...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Rest In Peace
I didn't want to ever have to write this entry. Or an entry that follows this thread, ever. There have been a few people that have passed away since I moved here last year, but this one is the closest. A man who was like my grandfather passed away in the states on Monday, October 19. I found out on my Tuesday morning, and I spent the entire morning in tears. I even missed some school, and that is something I NEVER do. It makes it really hard, because while I'm here, I have no-one around me who knows him. I can't talk about him and have people know what I'm saying. I can't talk about how excited I was to see him this summer, and how he and his wife were the first people I went looking for during fellowship after early service. People don't know how much the e-mails of simple pictures of his yard meant to me. Just getting a simple e-mail from him would make my day. He always supported me. He and his wife were my secret saints when I went away to college. In the first package I received from home, they had included a Christmas gift from me. A necklace, that gets worn quite a bit, A salt and pepper shaker that are always out (even though they are snowmen!), and a bear that rests on my dresser. Even as I write this, I'm crying. And I know what I feel is NOTHING compared to what his family and friends are feeling at home. I pray for them in every moment I have. I wish I could be there. But I can't. I'm here, and I have a job to do.
And the night before I got this news, I got some other great news. News that is dappened a bit by this, but news that means a lot. I can't wait until I get to tell you!
My days are running together, and I'm just trying to do each bit as it comes. I miss my family at times likes this.
Today, Pastor and I had a good talk. I stopped by to see him before I had a meeting with the VP. And it was really, really good. He's pretty awesome. I'm so glad there are good people here. I would go insane if they weren't here.
I'm going to go and go to bed, but I wanted to include this poem that I first heard at my grandmother's funeral in 2004. As I read it, it brings back memories of everyone I've lost, but especially, in this moment, of Sky. It fits his life like a glove. And I miss him terribly.
http://www.appleseeds.org/tomorrow.htm
And the night before I got this news, I got some other great news. News that is dappened a bit by this, but news that means a lot. I can't wait until I get to tell you!
My days are running together, and I'm just trying to do each bit as it comes. I miss my family at times likes this.
Today, Pastor and I had a good talk. I stopped by to see him before I had a meeting with the VP. And it was really, really good. He's pretty awesome. I'm so glad there are good people here. I would go insane if they weren't here.
I'm going to go and go to bed, but I wanted to include this poem that I first heard at my grandmother's funeral in 2004. As I read it, it brings back memories of everyone I've lost, but especially, in this moment, of Sky. It fits his life like a glove. And I miss him terribly.
http://www.appleseeds.org/tomorrow.htm
Saturday, October 17, 2009
It's been so long...
I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've written. I've been so very busy for the last few weeks. I'm glad that today is over. We have 10 days until RSM is over, and then just two weeks until theory is over. There are so many times that I feel completely incompetent doing this. I've been thrown in, and I'm trying to make sure that I keep everything moving forward. I get frustrated. I get annoyed. I laugh. It's important that I keep laughing, otherwise, I might go insane.
But it does seem that things are looking up... in life in general. As I've taken on this new role, I try to make especially sure that every morning before school I spend some time in prayer and meditation just so I'm focused on what is really important when I get to school. We have little issues in comparison to the big picture. So if I just remember to see that, I can get through.
I really don't have an exciting life. Unless you count all the new adventures that seem to be happening all at once. It's interesting, but I guess, really only to me... not to anyone else. :-)
<3
But it does seem that things are looking up... in life in general. As I've taken on this new role, I try to make especially sure that every morning before school I spend some time in prayer and meditation just so I'm focused on what is really important when I get to school. We have little issues in comparison to the big picture. So if I just remember to see that, I can get through.
I really don't have an exciting life. Unless you count all the new adventures that seem to be happening all at once. It's interesting, but I guess, really only to me... not to anyone else. :-)
<3
Thursday, October 8, 2009
It's official....
... so I can write about it now...
I am the Head of Music here at the school. This gives me the opportunity to take on new challenges and keep myself busy. Which, if you know me, is exactly what I need to remain interested in anything, but especially life. I'm known for scheduling myself to the point of no free time, and while I've learned that lesson, I still enjoy the challenge of having to make things work. So that's what I get to do now. I can tell you that the last two days have not been boring in the least, and that these last five minutes have been the only breather I have had. FINALLY, a moment where my phone hasn't begun ringing or I've had to run somewhere, or respond to an e-mail that hasn't been answered...
It's good. It will keep me on my toes, and, hopefully, teach me many new things.
I also got some exciting news in an e-mail the other day, but that one is not going on the blog yet. Let's just say that it makes me very excited!
It's RSM month. Which means I'm after school until 6 every day, at school early, at school on Saturdays, and trying to take Sunday to rest.
*sorry. Got interrupted there by an e-mail. I think I may be ADD and why things like this excite me. I'm weird.
The situation in and of itself is interesting, because the old HoD left so suddenly and because it's the middle of the busiest time of the year. It creates a lot of unique situations that have to be tackled, but slowly I'm getting it done.
It was good to hear from some different people around the school who support this decision and support me. It's truly great to know.
I am the Head of Music here at the school. This gives me the opportunity to take on new challenges and keep myself busy. Which, if you know me, is exactly what I need to remain interested in anything, but especially life. I'm known for scheduling myself to the point of no free time, and while I've learned that lesson, I still enjoy the challenge of having to make things work. So that's what I get to do now. I can tell you that the last two days have not been boring in the least, and that these last five minutes have been the only breather I have had. FINALLY, a moment where my phone hasn't begun ringing or I've had to run somewhere, or respond to an e-mail that hasn't been answered...
It's good. It will keep me on my toes, and, hopefully, teach me many new things.
I also got some exciting news in an e-mail the other day, but that one is not going on the blog yet. Let's just say that it makes me very excited!
It's RSM month. Which means I'm after school until 6 every day, at school early, at school on Saturdays, and trying to take Sunday to rest.
*sorry. Got interrupted there by an e-mail. I think I may be ADD and why things like this excite me. I'm weird.
The situation in and of itself is interesting, because the old HoD left so suddenly and because it's the middle of the busiest time of the year. It creates a lot of unique situations that have to be tackled, but slowly I'm getting it done.
It was good to hear from some different people around the school who support this decision and support me. It's truly great to know.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Not the same person...
... I'm not the same person I was last year. We're constantly changing and growing, into hopefully better people and more Godly people. There have been so many things going on, that I don't really have a chance to write about them all. I went on field trip with the tenth graders, and had a good time with the students. I had a fun in the villages we spent time at, and really got to know students (and practice Tamil on occassion).
Over the week, our HoD decided to leave the school, leaving us with issues to straighten out and slowly but surely we are working on them. One step at a time. Only a few weeks left until the end of the semester.
This brings a lot of changes to ideas I had about my future, and I think it's God yelling at me. I was considering so many things a few weeks ago, and now He's just stopping me and telling me what He wants and where He wants me right now. I spent a lot of time in prayer, and talking with people I trust and mean a lot to me. All in all, I found good advice and people who understand and support me.
I really hope this is a turning point and that things change. We'll see where they go, and later I can be more open and honest about what's going on, but this is what you get for now.
<3
Over the week, our HoD decided to leave the school, leaving us with issues to straighten out and slowly but surely we are working on them. One step at a time. Only a few weeks left until the end of the semester.
This brings a lot of changes to ideas I had about my future, and I think it's God yelling at me. I was considering so many things a few weeks ago, and now He's just stopping me and telling me what He wants and where He wants me right now. I spent a lot of time in prayer, and talking with people I trust and mean a lot to me. All in all, I found good advice and people who understand and support me.
I really hope this is a turning point and that things change. We'll see where they go, and later I can be more open and honest about what's going on, but this is what you get for now.
<3
Thursday, September 17, 2009
"Because we're Hindu"
I spent the evening with some friends over at their house, and it was amazing. I met some of their other friends and I haven't laughed that much in a long time. I also learned a lot through listening to their conversations. It was really interesting, even if he didn't think I was interested. :-)
He shared a story about when he was on a train one time, and a family was there with their child, and they'd shaved his head and pierced his ear. Pretending to be a dumb tourist, he asked the father why they pierced his ear, with the response "Because we're Hindu". He explained that he understood that, but what does it mean, why did they do that. "Because we're Hindu," the man replied again. "But why the pierced ear?" And the gentleman turned to his wife and asked hime why they pierced their son's ear, and she told him to say "Because we're Hindu".
I tell this story because it reminds me of how complacent Christians become. We do things because other people do them. We see someone raising their hands during a song, and we do it. We see someone praying, so we pray. We know that we're supposed to be baptized during our lives, so we say we're ready for baptism. But do we really understand the reason? Do we really note the implications of our actions and wonder where they came from, what they symbolize?
There is so much complacency going through America, but at the same time, I see places that are beginning to address this. People are starting to realize that high school and college are huge turning points in the lives of young people and are a ministry that needs attention. And I'm glad to say that I see HUGE things taking place among those populations. It is a time where so much is changing in our lives, and where we make decisions that affect us for the rest of our lives.
I read an article a few months ago that stated that once people hit 25-30, the chances of them coming to Christ decrease significantly. I wonder why that is? Do we become so hardened or stubborn at that age that we can't change our patterns? O, to see God do amazing things... I am so blessed to witness them!
<3
He shared a story about when he was on a train one time, and a family was there with their child, and they'd shaved his head and pierced his ear. Pretending to be a dumb tourist, he asked the father why they pierced his ear, with the response "Because we're Hindu". He explained that he understood that, but what does it mean, why did they do that. "Because we're Hindu," the man replied again. "But why the pierced ear?" And the gentleman turned to his wife and asked hime why they pierced their son's ear, and she told him to say "Because we're Hindu".
I tell this story because it reminds me of how complacent Christians become. We do things because other people do them. We see someone raising their hands during a song, and we do it. We see someone praying, so we pray. We know that we're supposed to be baptized during our lives, so we say we're ready for baptism. But do we really understand the reason? Do we really note the implications of our actions and wonder where they came from, what they symbolize?
There is so much complacency going through America, but at the same time, I see places that are beginning to address this. People are starting to realize that high school and college are huge turning points in the lives of young people and are a ministry that needs attention. And I'm glad to say that I see HUGE things taking place among those populations. It is a time where so much is changing in our lives, and where we make decisions that affect us for the rest of our lives.
I read an article a few months ago that stated that once people hit 25-30, the chances of them coming to Christ decrease significantly. I wonder why that is? Do we become so hardened or stubborn at that age that we can't change our patterns? O, to see God do amazing things... I am so blessed to witness them!
<3
Sunday, September 13, 2009
For a Higher Purpose...
"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."
Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
When we work for worldly things, it is of no use. It is not until we are working for a higher purpose that it means anything. "Nothing was gained under the sun." Man, what a powerful statement.
I find it easy to get discouraged here, and feeling that nothing is being accomplished under the sun. The other day, during one of my tutoring sessions where I have about three students in my office at one time, we somehow got into an interesting discussion on denominations of Christianity and variations of worship practices. It was a really interesting discussion and I learned a lot about those particular students. It was refreshing and reminded me that there is a higher purpose in all of this. We're all learning together and growing. I'm really glad my students feel comfortable enough to have discussions like that with me.
I've had a couple really good discussions with staff at the school this week that have left me feeling encouraged and reminded that God leads us and when He does, we can stand anything.
Only one week of school left until field trip week and then I think there are only 9 weeks left until break.
Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
When we work for worldly things, it is of no use. It is not until we are working for a higher purpose that it means anything. "Nothing was gained under the sun." Man, what a powerful statement.
I find it easy to get discouraged here, and feeling that nothing is being accomplished under the sun. The other day, during one of my tutoring sessions where I have about three students in my office at one time, we somehow got into an interesting discussion on denominations of Christianity and variations of worship practices. It was a really interesting discussion and I learned a lot about those particular students. It was refreshing and reminded me that there is a higher purpose in all of this. We're all learning together and growing. I'm really glad my students feel comfortable enough to have discussions like that with me.
I've had a couple really good discussions with staff at the school this week that have left me feeling encouraged and reminded that God leads us and when He does, we can stand anything.
Only one week of school left until field trip week and then I think there are only 9 weeks left until break.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Spiritual Attacks
So, I had just written an entry, but it didn't save. That's okay. Here's the verse I was pondering:
"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet."
Romans 16:20
It's time for me to make some pretty big decisions. Decisions I was hoping could wait for a few months. Decisions that now need to be faced sooner than expected. Thankfully, I have some wonderful friends that help me keep my head on straight. Expecially in situations like this, where comments bring up the past and my past tries to beat me down. I have overcome these attacks before, and I can and WILL do it again by the power of God.
And now to lotion the sunburn. <3
"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet."
Romans 16:20
It's time for me to make some pretty big decisions. Decisions I was hoping could wait for a few months. Decisions that now need to be faced sooner than expected. Thankfully, I have some wonderful friends that help me keep my head on straight. Expecially in situations like this, where comments bring up the past and my past tries to beat me down. I have overcome these attacks before, and I can and WILL do it again by the power of God.
And now to lotion the sunburn. <3
Friday, August 28, 2009
"Reading Rainbow" and the world...
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112312561
That is an article for you to read if you'd like. It's about "Reading Rainbow" and the fact that it will no longer be on TV. Apparently, teaching kids to love books is no longer important. Rather, they should only learn HOW to read.
This is the whole problem with education, and at least I can give the IB program that little bit of credit. Education seems to be leaning more and more to HOW HOW HOW, and not the why. What does it matter if you know how to play music but not why? If music becomes only the dots on the page, it is boring and emotionless, and the whole point is that music expresses that which words cannot.
If we know HOW to pray, but not why, what is the point? Anyone can kneel and fold their hands, but if you don't know why you get on your knees, and why you pray to God, what is the point? I'm all for knowing how. How is an important thing. It is something that is lacking at times, too. As I reflect on my life in church, it seems that people are often taught to pray. We are taught to thank God. To pray for our friends and family, for those who are hurting, and for the needs around us. But then, do we remember why? That we want to thank God for all that He has given us. That we want to open the roads of communication with our Saviour.
Just something that is going through my head as I look at that article. And as I think about teachers around me who teach the WHY and then not the HOW. there is a huge balance, and I feel that by letting "Reading Rainbow" go, we are losing one side of the scale. How and why go hand in hand and cannot truly exist exclusively.
Enough for tonight. It's time for bed. I love you all. Please pray for me as I'm going through some tough times at the moment and I'm resting in the assurance that God tests us all to make us stronger, just like steel that is tested to its limits, so must I be tested in order to become strong in Christ. It is all for a reason, and I don't know what that reason is yet, but I have faith that it will all work out.
<3
That is an article for you to read if you'd like. It's about "Reading Rainbow" and the fact that it will no longer be on TV. Apparently, teaching kids to love books is no longer important. Rather, they should only learn HOW to read.
This is the whole problem with education, and at least I can give the IB program that little bit of credit. Education seems to be leaning more and more to HOW HOW HOW, and not the why. What does it matter if you know how to play music but not why? If music becomes only the dots on the page, it is boring and emotionless, and the whole point is that music expresses that which words cannot.
If we know HOW to pray, but not why, what is the point? Anyone can kneel and fold their hands, but if you don't know why you get on your knees, and why you pray to God, what is the point? I'm all for knowing how. How is an important thing. It is something that is lacking at times, too. As I reflect on my life in church, it seems that people are often taught to pray. We are taught to thank God. To pray for our friends and family, for those who are hurting, and for the needs around us. But then, do we remember why? That we want to thank God for all that He has given us. That we want to open the roads of communication with our Saviour.
Just something that is going through my head as I look at that article. And as I think about teachers around me who teach the WHY and then not the HOW. there is a huge balance, and I feel that by letting "Reading Rainbow" go, we are losing one side of the scale. How and why go hand in hand and cannot truly exist exclusively.
Enough for tonight. It's time for bed. I love you all. Please pray for me as I'm going through some tough times at the moment and I'm resting in the assurance that God tests us all to make us stronger, just like steel that is tested to its limits, so must I be tested in order to become strong in Christ. It is all for a reason, and I don't know what that reason is yet, but I have faith that it will all work out.
<3
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Realizations...
One of the goals in my life is to go to every continent and do something worthwhile during my time there. I don't like to travel for travels sake. Never have. I like to do things, see things, learn things. Some of my friends are part of what's called The World Race. It's 11 months in 11 different countries doing mission work in different ways. When I heard about it, I was very interested. It's very expensive, but if it was meant to happen, it would... but then, today, as I was reading a friend's blog, and thinking about if I would ever do something like that, I realized that I'm more of a long term person. If I were doing something like that, I'd want to spend much longer than a month in each place. I'd really want to settle somewhere. A few weeks ago, I started looking at those around the world plane tickets. However, they're really complicated because you make some amazing itinerary, but then you can't get from place to place without back tracking and losing miles... It's frustrating. I think it would be fun to save up money and just leave for a while and go where ever God leads me. Whether that is to Korea, Mongolia, Zambia, Israel... wherever... I just think that sounds wildly entertaining! But then, sometimes I just don't know. There are so many things to do in the world and it seems that there is never enough time or money to do them.
Pastor R* and I were talking about that today. In reference to the movie "up". (yes it's a cartoon). I haven't watched it yet, but he said it was about a man who, when he realized he was alone (his wife died or something), went on these grand adventures. Why do we wait until times like that to do what we've always wanted to do? Frankly, I don't like being tied down. I want to be able to do the things that are all over the world. I want to meet people and forge relationships with people from other cultures. I want to experience their culture and learn and grow alongside them. It's interesting to me, because last year, when we were in that village in Bangalore, I could see myself living there and getting to know the children and their parents, and in that week, began to form the foundations for what could have grown into much more. That kind of thing excites me...
but now the question... where does this put me for my life? where does this mean I'm going? AHH
Pastor R* and I were talking about that today. In reference to the movie "up". (yes it's a cartoon). I haven't watched it yet, but he said it was about a man who, when he realized he was alone (his wife died or something), went on these grand adventures. Why do we wait until times like that to do what we've always wanted to do? Frankly, I don't like being tied down. I want to be able to do the things that are all over the world. I want to meet people and forge relationships with people from other cultures. I want to experience their culture and learn and grow alongside them. It's interesting to me, because last year, when we were in that village in Bangalore, I could see myself living there and getting to know the children and their parents, and in that week, began to form the foundations for what could have grown into much more. That kind of thing excites me...
but now the question... where does this put me for my life? where does this mean I'm going? AHH
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Snow Leopard...
Okay, so, most of you know that I'm a computer geek, have been for a while. Worked IT all through college, and when my computer crashed in New Zealand, I thought I would get a Mac when I returned home. Upon my return, I found Macs to be too expensive for my poor, college self, and that most of the software I needed was not yet Mac compatible.
Now, however, the case is different. I have desperately wanted a Mac since Leopard came out, and in a few days, they are releasing Snow Leopard (the lastest OS X). I find myself badly wanting a Mac. That's okay. Maybe next year.
I always have something great in my head, but then power goes out, so you'll have to wait for another time.
Now, however, the case is different. I have desperately wanted a Mac since Leopard came out, and in a few days, they are releasing Snow Leopard (the lastest OS X). I find myself badly wanting a Mac. That's okay. Maybe next year.
I always have something great in my head, but then power goes out, so you'll have to wait for another time.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sick on a Sunday...
So, I took Saturday, and went to the store and then relaxed in the sun and read... it was a good day... Unfortunately, I was sick all of last night, and now I'm sitting at home without energy to get up. It's really not fun.
But otherwise, we've finished the fourth cycle of school. There are still challenges, and people trying to mess with schedules, but that's okay. The school is still on lockdown against the swine flu. It's special. RSM is coming up in about two months, and I'm working hard with my students to make sure they're prepared.
It's really interesting this semester because I haven't truly searched out ways to be more involved, and things have just come my way. I wish I could go into more detail, but I won't right now.
I should probably go rest some more. Tomorrow begins another week.
But otherwise, we've finished the fourth cycle of school. There are still challenges, and people trying to mess with schedules, but that's okay. The school is still on lockdown against the swine flu. It's special. RSM is coming up in about two months, and I'm working hard with my students to make sure they're prepared.
It's really interesting this semester because I haven't truly searched out ways to be more involved, and things have just come my way. I wish I could go into more detail, but I won't right now.
I should probably go rest some more. Tomorrow begins another week.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Get out of my town!!
First, Jai Hind!!! Saturday was Independence day for India and Korea... it was a day full of celebrations, as always. Friday was also St. Mary's day, so there were many celebrations for that as well.
With celebrations, come tourists! They are very annoying. As I was getting ready to leave campus on Saturday, a bus drove by while I was talking to someone, and of course, they see a white woman in a sari and think it's bizarre so they must wave... And wave they did. An entire bus waved to me... kind of odd. But it's really aggravating when you just want to run your normal errands and you can't because there are too many tourists around. And of course, with everything else going on right now, it's frustrating.
So, yea. Tomorrow is independence day for Indonesia.
The semester is flying by already, and with everyone getting sick, it's not very fun! I'm trying to make things work the best that I can, but sometimes, I just can't seem to do enough. But in a way, I feel that I shouldn't be doing as much as I am.
I don't know if it should be a compliment or an insult, but someone told me the other day "Well, I'm not asking you because I know you won't budge". Of course I won't budge! But do you really think I'm that stubborn? I'm just trying to do what's best for my program and my students. That's all.
Okay, I'm going to go. Happy weekend to everyone and hope you have a great week!
With celebrations, come tourists! They are very annoying. As I was getting ready to leave campus on Saturday, a bus drove by while I was talking to someone, and of course, they see a white woman in a sari and think it's bizarre so they must wave... And wave they did. An entire bus waved to me... kind of odd. But it's really aggravating when you just want to run your normal errands and you can't because there are too many tourists around. And of course, with everything else going on right now, it's frustrating.
So, yea. Tomorrow is independence day for Indonesia.
The semester is flying by already, and with everyone getting sick, it's not very fun! I'm trying to make things work the best that I can, but sometimes, I just can't seem to do enough. But in a way, I feel that I shouldn't be doing as much as I am.
I don't know if it should be a compliment or an insult, but someone told me the other day "Well, I'm not asking you because I know you won't budge". Of course I won't budge! But do you really think I'm that stubborn? I'm just trying to do what's best for my program and my students. That's all.
Okay, I'm going to go. Happy weekend to everyone and hope you have a great week!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Rejoice!
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joyful in God my Saviour.
Times get tough, and it is important to remember to keep moving forward. It seems that the beginnings of my weeks are really hard, and then they get better. This morning, though, as I was doing my morning devotion, this verse hit me hard, and was just what I needed. Times now might be hard, but that is no reason not to rejoice! There is so much good out there, and just because my days are hard doesn't mean I shouldn't enjoy what is good and beautiful around me.
I'm really going to try harder to appreciate the things that surround me, and the beauty that I've been blessed with. When you look up, it's hard to see the pit that seems to be around you, so that's what I will do.
<3
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joyful in God my Saviour.
Times get tough, and it is important to remember to keep moving forward. It seems that the beginnings of my weeks are really hard, and then they get better. This morning, though, as I was doing my morning devotion, this verse hit me hard, and was just what I needed. Times now might be hard, but that is no reason not to rejoice! There is so much good out there, and just because my days are hard doesn't mean I shouldn't enjoy what is good and beautiful around me.
I'm really going to try harder to appreciate the things that surround me, and the beauty that I've been blessed with. When you look up, it's hard to see the pit that seems to be around you, so that's what I will do.
<3
Friday, August 7, 2009
For the day...
1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Indeed, that is what I need to do. It's funny because I came across this verse doing a quiz on the book of faces. But it suits today and how I feel and what's been going through my mind.
I spent about an hour last night in my house with my fire going, praise music on, reading and practicing the long forgotten Alexander technique (think yoga/relaxation/body-awareness for musicians). It really helped settle me. Before that I had been stressing about work, about life, about how everything is going to work out, etc... but really taking that time last night to be just with myself and God was refreshing.
And then that verse today, just confirms what was going on in my heart last night. Satan was attacking and trying to talk me out of going where God wants me. Sorry, dude, not going to happen.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Indeed, that is what I need to do. It's funny because I came across this verse doing a quiz on the book of faces. But it suits today and how I feel and what's been going through my mind.
I spent about an hour last night in my house with my fire going, praise music on, reading and practicing the long forgotten Alexander technique (think yoga/relaxation/body-awareness for musicians). It really helped settle me. Before that I had been stressing about work, about life, about how everything is going to work out, etc... but really taking that time last night to be just with myself and God was refreshing.
And then that verse today, just confirms what was going on in my heart last night. Satan was attacking and trying to talk me out of going where God wants me. Sorry, dude, not going to happen.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
"Do not be discouraged..."
When I was looking at that verse yesterday, I was reading it in respect to the past. Looking at how everything turns out well in the end.
Today, I'm looking at that verse for encouragement to keep moving forward. I am very discouraged and worn down by my current work situation. Trying to make a band work that has no shot, trying to make a schedule work, that all it does is frustrate me. For some reason, today feels like Monday. Maybe because yesterday I wasn't on main campus at all, but still, it's been a long day already. It frustrates me that "extra" classes are changing my students' schedules STILL and trying to make me change a schedule I worked hard to make manageable. It frustrates me that people are coming to me asking for special permission to let one of their advisees into lessons: the answer is no. It frustrates me that nothing is getting accomplished when it's supposed to. That I've been waiting all day for someone to make a simple phone call and it hasn't happened. It frustrates me that people think it's okay to try to fix a problem AFTER it comes up, when it was brought to your attention earlier. It bothers me that I'm teaching double what "core subject" teachers teach. It bothers me that music is 'valued' here, but does not get the time of day. It frustrates me that people come to me for information that should be coming from my boss. It bothers me that while I am working so hard for my students and this school, there are still people here that don't realize anything they are supposed to do.
And now that I've written this. I'm going to go spend some time in prayer before my next lesson so I don't go insane.
<3
Today, I'm looking at that verse for encouragement to keep moving forward. I am very discouraged and worn down by my current work situation. Trying to make a band work that has no shot, trying to make a schedule work, that all it does is frustrate me. For some reason, today feels like Monday. Maybe because yesterday I wasn't on main campus at all, but still, it's been a long day already. It frustrates me that "extra" classes are changing my students' schedules STILL and trying to make me change a schedule I worked hard to make manageable. It frustrates me that people are coming to me asking for special permission to let one of their advisees into lessons: the answer is no. It frustrates me that nothing is getting accomplished when it's supposed to. That I've been waiting all day for someone to make a simple phone call and it hasn't happened. It frustrates me that people think it's okay to try to fix a problem AFTER it comes up, when it was brought to your attention earlier. It bothers me that I'm teaching double what "core subject" teachers teach. It bothers me that music is 'valued' here, but does not get the time of day. It frustrates me that people come to me for information that should be coming from my boss. It bothers me that while I am working so hard for my students and this school, there are still people here that don't realize anything they are supposed to do.
And now that I've written this. I'm going to go spend some time in prayer before my next lesson so I don't go insane.
<3
Monday, August 3, 2009
Fear
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
As we enter from phase to phase in our lives, it is common to be fearful, terrified and discouraged. But we have to remember that God is always with us. God was with me when I moved here. He was with me as I travelled home this summer, and as I returned for another year. He's with me for every trial he sends my way. He stays by my side even when I forget that He's there.
As doors are opening for new conversations and relationships with people around me, it's easy for me to get scared and forget why I came here. It's easy to try and sit back and pretend that God means nothing in my life. Okay, it's not easy, but it's can be more comfortable to pretend that all I do is teach in my classroom.
But I don't. As students sit in my office and ask me questions, I give answers. Honest answers. Kids always know when we're telling them the truth and they call you on it. Believe me, they do.
So pray with me as God opens new doors and provides opportunities for me.
I miss you all, and love you, and can't wait to see you again. But until then, I will live and work here, and enjoy it. :-)
As we enter from phase to phase in our lives, it is common to be fearful, terrified and discouraged. But we have to remember that God is always with us. God was with me when I moved here. He was with me as I travelled home this summer, and as I returned for another year. He's with me for every trial he sends my way. He stays by my side even when I forget that He's there.
As doors are opening for new conversations and relationships with people around me, it's easy for me to get scared and forget why I came here. It's easy to try and sit back and pretend that God means nothing in my life. Okay, it's not easy, but it's can be more comfortable to pretend that all I do is teach in my classroom.
But I don't. As students sit in my office and ask me questions, I give answers. Honest answers. Kids always know when we're telling them the truth and they call you on it. Believe me, they do.
So pray with me as God opens new doors and provides opportunities for me.
I miss you all, and love you, and can't wait to see you again. But until then, I will live and work here, and enjoy it. :-)
Friday, July 31, 2009
"Wait she's dead? Is she okay?"
My students crack me up beyond belief. There are two in particular who are always in my office and we were just having a conversation and they asked where someone I had mentioned was, and I said "O, she died a few years ago." And their response was my title. They are really smart. And by smart, I mean special.
I'm sitting in my office, listening to thunder, feeling chilly, and planning for band. The new campus switch has made this band difficult to plan for and to make effective, but hopefully that's changing. Currently on my schedule are 41 periods with 4 band planning periods on that as well. So, 45. Take away 6 periods for lunch and that's 51. That's 9 periods "free". I wish it felt like they were free, but there is always something to do or something to get ready for.
It's easier this year in the sense that I know what's going on, I know what I have to prepare for and how much time I have, but it's difficult in trying to keep everything organized. I've got so many things that need to get done to make this year effective for me and for my students.
I don't know what the bug is going around, but people keep making sly comments about how long I'm going to be at the school. My students today were like "Well, you're going to miss us once we graduate." NB: They're in 9th grade! Someone on staff said something much a long those same lines that implied I was going to be here for about 4 more years. Maybe I'm just noting them because of decisions I made this year, but I'm definitely hearing them.
And of course, this makes me anxious for news from certain schools, but considering I JUST applied and no-one has returned to school yet, I don't know why I'm so anxious. So, I'm just taking my time and relaxing and enjoying things.
<3 More some time this weekend probably.
I'm sitting in my office, listening to thunder, feeling chilly, and planning for band. The new campus switch has made this band difficult to plan for and to make effective, but hopefully that's changing. Currently on my schedule are 41 periods with 4 band planning periods on that as well. So, 45. Take away 6 periods for lunch and that's 51. That's 9 periods "free". I wish it felt like they were free, but there is always something to do or something to get ready for.
It's easier this year in the sense that I know what's going on, I know what I have to prepare for and how much time I have, but it's difficult in trying to keep everything organized. I've got so many things that need to get done to make this year effective for me and for my students.
I don't know what the bug is going around, but people keep making sly comments about how long I'm going to be at the school. My students today were like "Well, you're going to miss us once we graduate." NB: They're in 9th grade! Someone on staff said something much a long those same lines that implied I was going to be here for about 4 more years. Maybe I'm just noting them because of decisions I made this year, but I'm definitely hearing them.
And of course, this makes me anxious for news from certain schools, but considering I JUST applied and no-one has returned to school yet, I don't know why I'm so anxious. So, I'm just taking my time and relaxing and enjoying things.
<3 More some time this weekend probably.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Oops...
It's been a bit longer than I meant for it to be. With school starting and trying to get everything worked out, it's been rather hectic. I'll be at the ES compound 3 days out of a cycle, and traveling back and forth, basically. I really hope things get worked out so I can do my job.
Otherwise, not much has been going on at the moment. Just kind of waiting for the school year to pick up and have a routine again. I wish I had a more exciting update for you, but as of right now, I don't. This should change soon. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive.
:-)
Otherwise, not much has been going on at the moment. Just kind of waiting for the school year to pick up and have a routine again. I wish I had a more exciting update for you, but as of right now, I don't. This should change soon. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive.
:-)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Mountains...
As I was driving from Madurai back to my pleasant hill station, I found that I often get excited when I see the first glimpse of the Palanis. And as you drive, you drive towards them, beside them, away from them, and eventually, up them.
This time, on the way back, I was still excited, but I got thinking. Each mountain gets taller and taller the farther you drive. By the time you get to the ghat, you are travelling up what I consider to be one of the tallest in the area. I live at the top. There is not much more above me (except clouds), and that is interesting to me. I litterally jumped to the top of the hill. Forget training with smaller mountains, or going through any sort of preparation, I just jumped to here. I skipped what would normally happen. I'm just that sort of person, apparently.
That really makes no sense... I'll have to come back and make it better some time...
This time last year, I was still getting used to crossing the street in India. I was unsure of myself and my way, and how to get things done. This year, it is so much different. I'm back, and I walk in between two lanes of traffic on the road. I'm not scared to cross the road, nor am I timid about asking questions of people in the shops where I go.
However, in the past year I've learned something about myself. Something that my aunt and I have in common. If you expect me to be somewhere (not like, professionally related, but socially), and you put pressure on me to do that or be there, I will probably balk. Invite me, sure. Tell me about something. But don't pressure me. The more you pressure me, the more I don't want to be there or do what you are doing. I understand your meaning behind it, but it does not work that way with me. I feel like it finds its origins in my past. I used to use certain bad habits as my way of controlling my world and my emotions. It was always easier for me to say "no" to food when someone was pressuring me to eat or shoving it at me. If you were forcing me, it was out of my control, and I didn't like that. So, in a way, this is still out of my control when you are trying to force me to go somewhere, and so I balk. I don't really like it sometimes, but it's what I do. There are times when I'll make myself go anyway, but normally, there is some better use of my time anyway.
I don't know. It's just weird. I'm back for a second year, and had a great time while I was home and I'm missing people more than I ever thought I could. I'm anxious to get my future sorted out while still trying to be present in the moment.
I'm reading a new book now, and I'm excited about this one. I'll tell you more about it later, but I can already tell it's a book that I will highly recommend to other people. I've also got books that I need to buy that a friend has recommended for me.
::sigh::
I love you all.
This time, on the way back, I was still excited, but I got thinking. Each mountain gets taller and taller the farther you drive. By the time you get to the ghat, you are travelling up what I consider to be one of the tallest in the area. I live at the top. There is not much more above me (except clouds), and that is interesting to me. I litterally jumped to the top of the hill. Forget training with smaller mountains, or going through any sort of preparation, I just jumped to here. I skipped what would normally happen. I'm just that sort of person, apparently.
That really makes no sense... I'll have to come back and make it better some time...
This time last year, I was still getting used to crossing the street in India. I was unsure of myself and my way, and how to get things done. This year, it is so much different. I'm back, and I walk in between two lanes of traffic on the road. I'm not scared to cross the road, nor am I timid about asking questions of people in the shops where I go.
However, in the past year I've learned something about myself. Something that my aunt and I have in common. If you expect me to be somewhere (not like, professionally related, but socially), and you put pressure on me to do that or be there, I will probably balk. Invite me, sure. Tell me about something. But don't pressure me. The more you pressure me, the more I don't want to be there or do what you are doing. I understand your meaning behind it, but it does not work that way with me. I feel like it finds its origins in my past. I used to use certain bad habits as my way of controlling my world and my emotions. It was always easier for me to say "no" to food when someone was pressuring me to eat or shoving it at me. If you were forcing me, it was out of my control, and I didn't like that. So, in a way, this is still out of my control when you are trying to force me to go somewhere, and so I balk. I don't really like it sometimes, but it's what I do. There are times when I'll make myself go anyway, but normally, there is some better use of my time anyway.
I don't know. It's just weird. I'm back for a second year, and had a great time while I was home and I'm missing people more than I ever thought I could. I'm anxious to get my future sorted out while still trying to be present in the moment.
I'm reading a new book now, and I'm excited about this one. I'll tell you more about it later, but I can already tell it's a book that I will highly recommend to other people. I've also got books that I need to buy that a friend has recommended for me.
::sigh::
I love you all.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Discernment
This is a blog asking for prayer. Please join me in praying for discernment about the present and the future.
I spent some time today in my church's sanctuary. Crying and praying. As I think I said in my last entry, it is MUCH harder to leave the second time. But I spent a lot of time in prayer for particular people in that church, who are either going through some rough times, have meant a lot to me, or were just laying on my heart for various reasons. I prayed for the church as a whole, and as individual people. And for programs and events they have coming up. Just taking some time to thank God for everything He has given me here at home to come back to. And of course, asking for strength to get through the transition back to India.
And then of course, I spent some time talking to pastor. And it was a good chat. Which got me to doing some thinking on my way home.
In the Catholic church, the term "father" is used for the priests. Normally, it is just a formality and people say it for that reason, but it means more than that. As a priest in that denomination, you are the "father" of the people in your congregation, serving more than just the purpose of priest. Now, I don't know the exact philosophical or theological history of why that word is used, but I think it might be interesting to find out, but on a personal level, it means a lot to me.
On the home front, it's never been quite easy for me, for various reasons. I know that, I've come to terms with it, and for the most part, I take care of myself to make it function, rather than let it pull me down. But because of that, my pastors have always meant more to me. They have taken the place of certain biological members of my family that weren't necessarily what they needed to be to me. My first pastor was my pastor for the first 11 years of my life. He moved to a different church around the time we moved to NC, and I haven't seen him since, but he still holds a huge piece of my heart, and I miss him a lot. We moved to NC, and for the first little while, it was a little bit hectic here on the church front, but eventually it settled down, and there were two pastors, and they both mean so much to me. I hope they read this so they can understand what they mean to me, but you never know with the internet. Both of them have helped me in more ways than they can even believe. Without knowing it, taking on roles that every child needs in their life, but, in current times, seem to rarely get.
Of course, there have been other people that have meant the world to me as well. Creating what I consider my home. Kyle Matthews, in one of his songs says "My heart knows where home is," and it's true. When I see these people, I feel at home like I do with no-one else. (I'll leave out last names so you don't know them!!! HAHA!), they are Darlene and Earl, and Sky and Ernestine, and then Mike and Patty. Three amazing couples and families that have meant so much to me in my life in NC. They are always on my mind and in my prayers. Coming back to NC was made complete when I walked into our church for early service and the first people I saw were Darlene and Earl. That meant I was home. My heart was where it needed to be.
It truly is hard to go back this time. And I pray that I'm doing the right thing in going back. That I'm doing the right thing applying for seminary. God told me I was going to seminary about this time last year, and I've spent a lot of time praying about this and trying to find Him and His will. As I've told many people before, He knows I like to have the whole picture, so He teaches me and makes me trust by showing me piece by piece. I often have to step back and abate my jealousy when I meet people to whome He has shown a grand picture and then works with them to get there.
But I don't know my final destination. I don't know where anything is leading. And sometimes, that is very hard for me. But, if anything, it grows my faith even more. I forget who used this illustration, or where I read it, but it said that with every step the board on the bridge comes to your foot. It does not show up before you take the step, but only after your foot is coming down to the air.
So here I go, building a bridge one faithful step at a time. Pray with me as God leads me and slowly shows me where He wants me.
<3
I spent some time today in my church's sanctuary. Crying and praying. As I think I said in my last entry, it is MUCH harder to leave the second time. But I spent a lot of time in prayer for particular people in that church, who are either going through some rough times, have meant a lot to me, or were just laying on my heart for various reasons. I prayed for the church as a whole, and as individual people. And for programs and events they have coming up. Just taking some time to thank God for everything He has given me here at home to come back to. And of course, asking for strength to get through the transition back to India.
And then of course, I spent some time talking to pastor. And it was a good chat. Which got me to doing some thinking on my way home.
In the Catholic church, the term "father" is used for the priests. Normally, it is just a formality and people say it for that reason, but it means more than that. As a priest in that denomination, you are the "father" of the people in your congregation, serving more than just the purpose of priest. Now, I don't know the exact philosophical or theological history of why that word is used, but I think it might be interesting to find out, but on a personal level, it means a lot to me.
On the home front, it's never been quite easy for me, for various reasons. I know that, I've come to terms with it, and for the most part, I take care of myself to make it function, rather than let it pull me down. But because of that, my pastors have always meant more to me. They have taken the place of certain biological members of my family that weren't necessarily what they needed to be to me. My first pastor was my pastor for the first 11 years of my life. He moved to a different church around the time we moved to NC, and I haven't seen him since, but he still holds a huge piece of my heart, and I miss him a lot. We moved to NC, and for the first little while, it was a little bit hectic here on the church front, but eventually it settled down, and there were two pastors, and they both mean so much to me. I hope they read this so they can understand what they mean to me, but you never know with the internet. Both of them have helped me in more ways than they can even believe. Without knowing it, taking on roles that every child needs in their life, but, in current times, seem to rarely get.
Of course, there have been other people that have meant the world to me as well. Creating what I consider my home. Kyle Matthews, in one of his songs says "My heart knows where home is," and it's true. When I see these people, I feel at home like I do with no-one else. (I'll leave out last names so you don't know them!!! HAHA!), they are Darlene and Earl, and Sky and Ernestine, and then Mike and Patty. Three amazing couples and families that have meant so much to me in my life in NC. They are always on my mind and in my prayers. Coming back to NC was made complete when I walked into our church for early service and the first people I saw were Darlene and Earl. That meant I was home. My heart was where it needed to be.
It truly is hard to go back this time. And I pray that I'm doing the right thing in going back. That I'm doing the right thing applying for seminary. God told me I was going to seminary about this time last year, and I've spent a lot of time praying about this and trying to find Him and His will. As I've told many people before, He knows I like to have the whole picture, so He teaches me and makes me trust by showing me piece by piece. I often have to step back and abate my jealousy when I meet people to whome He has shown a grand picture and then works with them to get there.
But I don't know my final destination. I don't know where anything is leading. And sometimes, that is very hard for me. But, if anything, it grows my faith even more. I forget who used this illustration, or where I read it, but it said that with every step the board on the bridge comes to your foot. It does not show up before you take the step, but only after your foot is coming down to the air.
So here I go, building a bridge one faithful step at a time. Pray with me as God leads me and slowly shows me where He wants me.
<3
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Discipleship and Missions
So, I'm in America, and I've been here for about a month now. That is hard to believe. It's actually to the point that I'm preparing to say goodbye again. This morning was my second to last Sunday at FBC. I almost cried. Next week, I can almost guarantee that I will. It's much harder to leave this time and I'm already feeling it.
With America, comes driving. I get to drive! And with driving, comes thinking! Driving has always been where I've done a lot of thinking. Sometimes even talking out loud to the radio, or just the empty car. Something about driving clarifies things for me. Much the way running and biking used to. I hate going to a gym though because if you talk to yourself there, people think you're crazy!
Anyways... in the past year I've just been kind of exploring what awaits in seminary for me. What course-work do I want to take? Should I go for ordination? Where is seminary going to lead me? Is it worth the money to go do this if I honestly think I might live in India for an extended period of time?... etc...
Brought me to some concentrations you can do: Missions and Discipleship. There are some amazing schools that don't offer anything specific and broad about missions. This kind of bummed me out. There are some schools that have awesome discipleship programs.
And all this led me to the fact that discipleship and missions are the same thing. Granted, one implies finding non-believers with whom to disciple, and the other implies discipling someone already saved, but really, they are the same thing. In order to be effective in any setting, you are creating disciples. I feel that many people forget this. They forget the connection... the Great Commission said "Go and make DISCIPLES of all nations", not "go SAVE all nations." God wants disciples all over the world. He wants people who are yearning for a relationship with Him and learning and growing closer to Him. Not just people that are baptized and then forget that there's more to being a follower of Christ.
There's so much more to this in my head, but that's the jist. I just feel that discipleship is lost in a lot of ways in America due to the disconnection everyone has, thus the lack of deep relationships. We were created for community and unfortunately, don't live in it often enough. In community with our neighborhood we make relationships that lead to discipling someone. Without community, we disciple ourself and that doesn't grow the Kingdom.
I've also learned since being at home, that when you serve in another country, you are also serving at home. When you come home, you are educating people all the time about another culture. Always a teacher, I guess.
But I'm having fun, and loving reconnecting with friends and family, and getting my fill of unhealthy American food.
I'm really going to have a hard time leaving again. But, it's all for His glory, and thus, it will be okay.
With America, comes driving. I get to drive! And with driving, comes thinking! Driving has always been where I've done a lot of thinking. Sometimes even talking out loud to the radio, or just the empty car. Something about driving clarifies things for me. Much the way running and biking used to. I hate going to a gym though because if you talk to yourself there, people think you're crazy!
Anyways... in the past year I've just been kind of exploring what awaits in seminary for me. What course-work do I want to take? Should I go for ordination? Where is seminary going to lead me? Is it worth the money to go do this if I honestly think I might live in India for an extended period of time?... etc...
Brought me to some concentrations you can do: Missions and Discipleship. There are some amazing schools that don't offer anything specific and broad about missions. This kind of bummed me out. There are some schools that have awesome discipleship programs.
And all this led me to the fact that discipleship and missions are the same thing. Granted, one implies finding non-believers with whom to disciple, and the other implies discipling someone already saved, but really, they are the same thing. In order to be effective in any setting, you are creating disciples. I feel that many people forget this. They forget the connection... the Great Commission said "Go and make DISCIPLES of all nations", not "go SAVE all nations." God wants disciples all over the world. He wants people who are yearning for a relationship with Him and learning and growing closer to Him. Not just people that are baptized and then forget that there's more to being a follower of Christ.
There's so much more to this in my head, but that's the jist. I just feel that discipleship is lost in a lot of ways in America due to the disconnection everyone has, thus the lack of deep relationships. We were created for community and unfortunately, don't live in it often enough. In community with our neighborhood we make relationships that lead to discipling someone. Without community, we disciple ourself and that doesn't grow the Kingdom.
I've also learned since being at home, that when you serve in another country, you are also serving at home. When you come home, you are educating people all the time about another culture. Always a teacher, I guess.
But I'm having fun, and loving reconnecting with friends and family, and getting my fill of unhealthy American food.
I'm really going to have a hard time leaving again. But, it's all for His glory, and thus, it will be okay.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Invisible
I'm the invisible girl sitting in the middle of the floor in the middle of an airport.
I just made a realization:
I am SUPREMELY good at being invisible. I live my life in such a way that you (theoretical 'you' at this point) won't miss me when I'm gone. I love people with my whole being, but in the end, this makes it easier to say good bye. You only miss the idea of me once I'm gone. I was never really there to begin with, was I? I didn't make your life hinge on me. I didn't make you crave our togetherness. Ultimately, I know that that will end, so why make it great to begin with? I will do anything for you. Yet, you will never know too much about me. Why would you want to be attached to this, afterall?
So I've become good at weaving in and out. I show up unnoticed and I leave unnoticed. There isn't a big fanfare for me when I come, or when I go. Because, honestly, I do it often.
My whole life, I've traversed two worlds. My family and most of my heart in NY, and the rest of what's left in NC. Then it split into thirds when I left a huge chunk of me in NZ, but also grew in such a way that there was more to share. And now, I'm in fourths. But only so much so that no-one will really miss me. With me being spread all over the world (literally), how can you miss me? You can't know me in NC the way they do in NZ and NY and India. You can't know me in India they way they do in NC. But this has left me with a huge sense of want.
But that's okay. Because I pick up and go on. Having a knowledge that some people are incapable of grasping:
Life continues on without you. Always has, always will.
And now, I'm moving on.
I just made a realization:
I am SUPREMELY good at being invisible. I live my life in such a way that you (theoretical 'you' at this point) won't miss me when I'm gone. I love people with my whole being, but in the end, this makes it easier to say good bye. You only miss the idea of me once I'm gone. I was never really there to begin with, was I? I didn't make your life hinge on me. I didn't make you crave our togetherness. Ultimately, I know that that will end, so why make it great to begin with? I will do anything for you. Yet, you will never know too much about me. Why would you want to be attached to this, afterall?
So I've become good at weaving in and out. I show up unnoticed and I leave unnoticed. There isn't a big fanfare for me when I come, or when I go. Because, honestly, I do it often.
My whole life, I've traversed two worlds. My family and most of my heart in NY, and the rest of what's left in NC. Then it split into thirds when I left a huge chunk of me in NZ, but also grew in such a way that there was more to share. And now, I'm in fourths. But only so much so that no-one will really miss me. With me being spread all over the world (literally), how can you miss me? You can't know me in NC the way they do in NZ and NY and India. You can't know me in India they way they do in NC. But this has left me with a huge sense of want.
But that's okay. Because I pick up and go on. Having a knowledge that some people are incapable of grasping:
Life continues on without you. Always has, always will.
And now, I'm moving on.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
24 hours...
... And mixed emotions. I'm glad to be getting out of here. But I'm also just like "WHAT?!". This means that a year has been finished.
Unfortunately, one of my friends said today "I'm gonna miss you. Everyone needs someone to bully." And then I hit him. He's pretty wonderful, actually. Keeps me sane. I've really only got two things left to do. One to do today, and one to do tomorrow. Along with finishing the packing. I'm actually packed into only 1 bag for the flight home, so that's good. Gives me room to bring things back. (Still a few things to add... like clothes that are currently outside drying).
Just a quick entry.
O, did I mention that my dad and aunt are going to be coming and picking me up. EXCITING!
Unfortunately, one of my friends said today "I'm gonna miss you. Everyone needs someone to bully." And then I hit him. He's pretty wonderful, actually. Keeps me sane. I've really only got two things left to do. One to do today, and one to do tomorrow. Along with finishing the packing. I'm actually packed into only 1 bag for the flight home, so that's good. Gives me room to bring things back. (Still a few things to add... like clothes that are currently outside drying).
Just a quick entry.
O, did I mention that my dad and aunt are going to be coming and picking me up. EXCITING!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
6 days...
I leave in six days and I am still desperately ill. I got a little better since two weeks ago when I was sick, but today, I'm on the floor again. My energy levels are nil, I have a fever, and I just feel run down. So run down that even my teeth hurt.
I'm slowly getting everything taken care of in order to come home. Such as checks from the school, my VISA stuff, my grades, cleaning my office, etc.
Today is the last teaching day, and I couldn't want to be in my bed more. Seriously. I might go home after 7th if I get all my work done that I need to today. I think the goal for tomorrow afternoon is to finish all of my grades. That way, next week can be spent doing everything else I need to do.
Whew. Just a quick entry. I'll let you go. :-)
I'm slowly getting everything taken care of in order to come home. Such as checks from the school, my VISA stuff, my grades, cleaning my office, etc.
Today is the last teaching day, and I couldn't want to be in my bed more. Seriously. I might go home after 7th if I get all my work done that I need to today. I think the goal for tomorrow afternoon is to finish all of my grades. That way, next week can be spent doing everything else I need to do.
Whew. Just a quick entry. I'll let you go. :-)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Passion...
...The key to a happy life. Or at least, a content one.
This year has been a huge learning curve for me. More-so in a social and political sense than any other. In the sense that I came to a school excited about the spiritual life and history of it, and found something completely different. Where it is just like other "christian" institutions that have lost sight of its foundation. It has lost what it truly means to be a Christ-centered school. This is not okay. In a place where Christ is supposed to be the center, there are so many conflicts and solutions that are not sought in prayer. They are sought by who can pay more money, who has been around longer, and whose pay check will get fatter. Decisions about spending the school money are on what big names on campus use what facilities, rather than where the most people will benefit from that money.
I understand that money is needed to "make the world go 'round", but in a place that is supposed to be Christ-like, I feel that it should be spent on the students and how it helps them. It should not be spent creating more problems. You currently aren't giving your all to the 600 current students, but want to increase enrollment next year. I applaud you for *saying* that you are Christian in a country where Christianity is generally not accepted, but now you have to act like it. Giving scholarships to missionary kids does not make you a Christian institution.
Maybe this is why it seems like this is not the place for me for the long term. I don't know that I've said that 'out loud' on here, but it's true, and it's been in my head for a while. This place is just another example. This is the same thing that broke my heart last summer when I was sitting in church one Sunday and my pastor was speaking about churches in our community that did not want to open their doors to the homeless.
Where has Christianity gone? Where has the love for all of God's children disappeared to? Don't we all matter? Doesn't everyone deserve to have someone reach out to them and comfort them in their time of trouble? To share a spare blanket, and some warm food? Don't we have the responsibility as Christians to share our abundance with those who have none?
This is what my heart truly breaks over. And I have no idea how to "fix" it. I don't know how to make this right, or even show people that they're not following God even though they think they are. How do you begin to help people realize that we are of a shallow faith? How do we show people that there are still miracles in the world and that God is SO real and is moving in the slums? How do we help them realize that they could be doing mission work in their very neighborhood?
And I have no idea where this passion is leading me. But it's not this classroom. Not this house. Not this school. It's not any classroom. It's not any house. I would rather be, at this very moment, in that dalit village in Bangalore where I spent a week in September, showing those children that they are loved, and that someone cares to take time to play with them, even if, right now, I can't speak Khanata.
This is where I am at this very moment.
This year has been a huge learning curve for me. More-so in a social and political sense than any other. In the sense that I came to a school excited about the spiritual life and history of it, and found something completely different. Where it is just like other "christian" institutions that have lost sight of its foundation. It has lost what it truly means to be a Christ-centered school. This is not okay. In a place where Christ is supposed to be the center, there are so many conflicts and solutions that are not sought in prayer. They are sought by who can pay more money, who has been around longer, and whose pay check will get fatter. Decisions about spending the school money are on what big names on campus use what facilities, rather than where the most people will benefit from that money.
I understand that money is needed to "make the world go 'round", but in a place that is supposed to be Christ-like, I feel that it should be spent on the students and how it helps them. It should not be spent creating more problems. You currently aren't giving your all to the 600 current students, but want to increase enrollment next year. I applaud you for *saying* that you are Christian in a country where Christianity is generally not accepted, but now you have to act like it. Giving scholarships to missionary kids does not make you a Christian institution.
Maybe this is why it seems like this is not the place for me for the long term. I don't know that I've said that 'out loud' on here, but it's true, and it's been in my head for a while. This place is just another example. This is the same thing that broke my heart last summer when I was sitting in church one Sunday and my pastor was speaking about churches in our community that did not want to open their doors to the homeless.
Where has Christianity gone? Where has the love for all of God's children disappeared to? Don't we all matter? Doesn't everyone deserve to have someone reach out to them and comfort them in their time of trouble? To share a spare blanket, and some warm food? Don't we have the responsibility as Christians to share our abundance with those who have none?
This is what my heart truly breaks over. And I have no idea how to "fix" it. I don't know how to make this right, or even show people that they're not following God even though they think they are. How do you begin to help people realize that we are of a shallow faith? How do we show people that there are still miracles in the world and that God is SO real and is moving in the slums? How do we help them realize that they could be doing mission work in their very neighborhood?
And I have no idea where this passion is leading me. But it's not this classroom. Not this house. Not this school. It's not any classroom. It's not any house. I would rather be, at this very moment, in that dalit village in Bangalore where I spent a week in September, showing those children that they are loved, and that someone cares to take time to play with them, even if, right now, I can't speak Khanata.
This is where I am at this very moment.
Before I go...
... there is still so much to do!
I'm down to 9 days left here. So, as per my usual, I'm going to make a list of things I have to do so that I keep myself on track.
Get fax from TBC about instruments
Get check for instruments
Write a letter to Geoff about Rock Cottage
Get SoE books back from the bands
Inventory the books and get charges distributed
Put music away
MS reports
HS reports
PACK
buy suits for people at home
Clean office
Get the trio ready for graduation
book taxi
I'm sure there's more to do, but that's what I can think of right now.
Planning my trip home is difficult. There is so much I want to do! I am slowly prioritizing and trying to find people to meet me in the middle rather than driving every which way. That's what happens when your friends are spread out all over the place. So we'll see.
Got a present from a student today. AwW! and last week I got a card from a student. So cute. Kids are funny like that.
I need to go get started on grades.
Peace.
I'm down to 9 days left here. So, as per my usual, I'm going to make a list of things I have to do so that I keep myself on track.
Get fax from TBC about instruments
Get check for instruments
Write a letter to Geoff about Rock Cottage
Get SoE books back from the bands
Inventory the books and get charges distributed
Put music away
MS reports
HS reports
PACK
buy suits for people at home
Clean office
Get the trio ready for graduation
book taxi
I'm sure there's more to do, but that's what I can think of right now.
Planning my trip home is difficult. There is so much I want to do! I am slowly prioritizing and trying to find people to meet me in the middle rather than driving every which way. That's what happens when your friends are spread out all over the place. So we'll see.
Got a present from a student today. AwW! and last week I got a card from a student. So cute. Kids are funny like that.
I need to go get started on grades.
Peace.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Inventory...
So, I've been doing inventory this morning. A lot of inventory. But at least it's getting done. That is always a plus, but it brought to the thought of inventories. An inventory is taking stock of everything you have and usually with a purpose: to show you where you're going.
So, I've started taking inventory of my life.
- I can ride a horse.
- I can do most quick fixes myself
- I have lived in 2 states and 3 countries.
- I have been to many more countries (I think it's like 11 now)
- I have two church families that I adore.
- I have read about 70 of the BBCs 100 must read books
- I can play almost any instrument put in front of me.
- I have been to the depths and back.
- I have visited many more states than most people.
- I have friends all over the world
- I have a Bachelor's degree
- I still have both my mother and father and 5 siblings that I love.
- I have 4 neices and a nephew.
- I have a huge extended family.
- I am technologically inclined.
- I have the ability to do anything I want. And I often do.
- I have been bungy jumping and sky diving.
- I have ridden elephants and camels.
- I serve an Amazing and Wonderful Lord.
... and that's just some of what I've been thinking of. There are so many things in my life that I have and have done. It has been an insanely blessed 23 years.
So, I've started taking inventory of my life.
- I can ride a horse.
- I can do most quick fixes myself
- I have lived in 2 states and 3 countries.
- I have been to many more countries (I think it's like 11 now)
- I have two church families that I adore.
- I have read about 70 of the BBCs 100 must read books
- I can play almost any instrument put in front of me.
- I have been to the depths and back.
- I have visited many more states than most people.
- I have friends all over the world
- I have a Bachelor's degree
- I still have both my mother and father and 5 siblings that I love.
- I have 4 neices and a nephew.
- I have a huge extended family.
- I am technologically inclined.
- I have the ability to do anything I want. And I often do.
- I have been bungy jumping and sky diving.
- I have ridden elephants and camels.
- I serve an Amazing and Wonderful Lord.
... and that's just some of what I've been thinking of. There are so many things in my life that I have and have done. It has been an insanely blessed 23 years.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Closing down...
This year is beginning to close down. My first year of teaching. My first FULL TIME job. My first full year overseas. My first of a lot of things...
The final music concerts were last Friday and Saturday, and I'm really glad they're over. I'm so proud of my students because, despite some mistakes here and there in the concert, and a seeming lack of energy, they showed how far they have come this year. We have gone from playing simple melodies in one ensemble to pieces with call and response, with chords, and with repeats and codas. In the other, we've gone from playing out of tune and slow, comfortable pieces, to playing in tune, rhythmically accurate faster pieces. Both bands knew one scale at the beginning of the year. Intermediate now knows 7 major scales, and Advanced knows all 12 majors. I hope to build off of this foundation next year. Start adding minors in advanced, and helping Mr. J bring the intermediate to add minors as well.
I was kind of hoping that this whole head-ache business was stress like someone mentioned to me, and that with the final concerts ending, so would the headaches. This is not the case. At least not today. I think tomorrow I am going to fast and pray about this. I've fasted a few times during this ordeal, but at the same time, I haven't taken those times to pray, instead. I was fasting to see if I could straighten my stomach out, or if food was causing my headaches... various things. But I think tomorrow, is a fasting in prayer day.
Not much else is going on right now. There are 17 days left until I leave for the summer, and I can't believe that. I'm slowly getting over the E Coli that set in on Thursday, and right now, everything tastes REALLY funny, and I can't quite figure out why.
I'll begin making a more definitive schedule of my time in America soon, and if you want to get together sometime, let me know. I'm already thinking a night at Cooper's might be good. As well as a drive to Georgia. And of course, a trip to some people in the mountains. A trip to Raleigh is a definite, I just don't know when. So, if you want to be included, please let me know so I can make my arrangements accordingly.
I should go. Need to get this pain out of my back so I can get back to work tomorrow (I essentially was out of school Thursday and Friday last week, ARGH! My first sick days!)...
<3 Love you all!
The final music concerts were last Friday and Saturday, and I'm really glad they're over. I'm so proud of my students because, despite some mistakes here and there in the concert, and a seeming lack of energy, they showed how far they have come this year. We have gone from playing simple melodies in one ensemble to pieces with call and response, with chords, and with repeats and codas. In the other, we've gone from playing out of tune and slow, comfortable pieces, to playing in tune, rhythmically accurate faster pieces. Both bands knew one scale at the beginning of the year. Intermediate now knows 7 major scales, and Advanced knows all 12 majors. I hope to build off of this foundation next year. Start adding minors in advanced, and helping Mr. J bring the intermediate to add minors as well.
I was kind of hoping that this whole head-ache business was stress like someone mentioned to me, and that with the final concerts ending, so would the headaches. This is not the case. At least not today. I think tomorrow I am going to fast and pray about this. I've fasted a few times during this ordeal, but at the same time, I haven't taken those times to pray, instead. I was fasting to see if I could straighten my stomach out, or if food was causing my headaches... various things. But I think tomorrow, is a fasting in prayer day.
Not much else is going on right now. There are 17 days left until I leave for the summer, and I can't believe that. I'm slowly getting over the E Coli that set in on Thursday, and right now, everything tastes REALLY funny, and I can't quite figure out why.
I'll begin making a more definitive schedule of my time in America soon, and if you want to get together sometime, let me know. I'm already thinking a night at Cooper's might be good. As well as a drive to Georgia. And of course, a trip to some people in the mountains. A trip to Raleigh is a definite, I just don't know when. So, if you want to be included, please let me know so I can make my arrangements accordingly.
I should go. Need to get this pain out of my back so I can get back to work tomorrow (I essentially was out of school Thursday and Friday last week, ARGH! My first sick days!)...
<3 Love you all!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Devoured
I devour books. In case you didn't know.
I finished "The Great Divorce" yesterday. I recommend it. Seriously.
I started "The Shack" immediately after finished Lewis. It is finished this evening. It is tremendous. I recommend you read it. My favorite quote:
"...just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."
Interesting, eh? I truly recommend you read it. It brings a lot of questions to my mind, but they are to be postulated, posed, deliberated, and just generally thrown around in different forums until I am ready to post them here. Please don't hate me for that!!!
I've written quite a few blogs this week. I hope to keep this up a bit. I want this blog to be more of a spiritual update and pondering blog about my experiences here as well as what is going on in my heart more than the physical update that the e-mail updates are. So I hope to keep this up more often. It will probably average about once or twice a week with this week being special.
Hope you enjoy!
I finished "The Great Divorce" yesterday. I recommend it. Seriously.
I started "The Shack" immediately after finished Lewis. It is finished this evening. It is tremendous. I recommend you read it. My favorite quote:
"...just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."
Interesting, eh? I truly recommend you read it. It brings a lot of questions to my mind, but they are to be postulated, posed, deliberated, and just generally thrown around in different forums until I am ready to post them here. Please don't hate me for that!!!
I've written quite a few blogs this week. I hope to keep this up a bit. I want this blog to be more of a spiritual update and pondering blog about my experiences here as well as what is going on in my heart more than the physical update that the e-mail updates are. So I hope to keep this up more often. It will probably average about once or twice a week with this week being special.
Hope you enjoy!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Currently reading...
I tend to read too many books at one time. And as I recently described myself to a fellow book-lover, I'm a cleptomaniac when it comes to books. I love them. And I love to own them, write on them, mark them, ask questions, write thoughts, and just generally devour books. Because of this, I'm not very good at borrowing them or being a member of a library. This is okay if it's a simple read, or something that will take me a day or two, but most of the books I read do not fall into this category.
I've been posting and e-mailing quotes recently, and I've been blogging about them in some of my other blogs I have and maintain. I just figured I'd let you know what I'm currently reading so you kind of know where they're coming from if you'd ever like to check them out.
First, a devotional I came across at FBC's library and fell in love with, causing me to buy my own copy, called "Streams in the Desert".
Second, "The Great Divorce". I came across this at last year's summer Crossroads at Gardner Webb in the school bookstore, on sale, so I had to get it. Thus, I'm still reading it. The beginning is a bit harder to get into, and I admit, I slacked on reading it for a while, but the end is very good. I plan to finish it soon. (Probably this weekend).
Third, a book I first heard about from a friend of mine in New Zealand, felt compelled to read it, found it in the church library, and again, ended up buying my own copy. I've been reading it for almost two years now as it takes me a long time to get through and contemplate and think about each section, person or chapter as I go. It's emotional as much as it is intellectual. It's called "Foxe's Book of Martyrs".
Fourth. Well, I found this book on sale during one of my day trip excursions to NYC and it was raining. I decided to duck into the Barnes and Noble on Broadway and have some coffee and sit and read for a while. So I did. I thoroughly enjoyed that day and found this book on sale. So, of course, I got it. This book is quite an intellectual read and so has taken me a long time to start (and it is quite daunting at 545 pages of translated Latin. It is "City of God" by Saint Augustine. I'm glad I've begun it, because it's become cross referenced with Foxe's Book of Martyrs and it helps me to have read both.
Lastly, I picked up a book today that I plan to start this evening. I've heard a lot about it in the last few months and I figure it's time to read it. It was in the school book fair so I picked it up. "The Shack". We shall see if it lives up to the reputation it has been given.
There are so many more books I want to read and I'm compelled to start, but I think I should start finishing some books (Great Divorce is first in line for that) before I start another. I think next for me to read is "A Christian Theology of Religions"...
However, today my flute teacher told me a few books that I need to read so they'll be thrown in as well. First, a story I began today called "The Other Wise Man". He's interested in trying to write it musically, so we'll see if we can't do that after I read it through. "Christ Recrucified" I added to my list recently, and he mentioned it today, so I think I'll be reading that soon, as well. And then one called "Polly Anna" that I've never heard of.
So, that's what I'm reading in case you're wondering where these quotes are coming from.
All my love.
I've been posting and e-mailing quotes recently, and I've been blogging about them in some of my other blogs I have and maintain. I just figured I'd let you know what I'm currently reading so you kind of know where they're coming from if you'd ever like to check them out.
First, a devotional I came across at FBC's library and fell in love with, causing me to buy my own copy, called "Streams in the Desert".
Second, "The Great Divorce". I came across this at last year's summer Crossroads at Gardner Webb in the school bookstore, on sale, so I had to get it. Thus, I'm still reading it. The beginning is a bit harder to get into, and I admit, I slacked on reading it for a while, but the end is very good. I plan to finish it soon. (Probably this weekend).
Third, a book I first heard about from a friend of mine in New Zealand, felt compelled to read it, found it in the church library, and again, ended up buying my own copy. I've been reading it for almost two years now as it takes me a long time to get through and contemplate and think about each section, person or chapter as I go. It's emotional as much as it is intellectual. It's called "Foxe's Book of Martyrs".
Fourth. Well, I found this book on sale during one of my day trip excursions to NYC and it was raining. I decided to duck into the Barnes and Noble on Broadway and have some coffee and sit and read for a while. So I did. I thoroughly enjoyed that day and found this book on sale. So, of course, I got it. This book is quite an intellectual read and so has taken me a long time to start (and it is quite daunting at 545 pages of translated Latin. It is "City of God" by Saint Augustine. I'm glad I've begun it, because it's become cross referenced with Foxe's Book of Martyrs and it helps me to have read both.
Lastly, I picked up a book today that I plan to start this evening. I've heard a lot about it in the last few months and I figure it's time to read it. It was in the school book fair so I picked it up. "The Shack". We shall see if it lives up to the reputation it has been given.
There are so many more books I want to read and I'm compelled to start, but I think I should start finishing some books (Great Divorce is first in line for that) before I start another. I think next for me to read is "A Christian Theology of Religions"...
However, today my flute teacher told me a few books that I need to read so they'll be thrown in as well. First, a story I began today called "The Other Wise Man". He's interested in trying to write it musically, so we'll see if we can't do that after I read it through. "Christ Recrucified" I added to my list recently, and he mentioned it today, so I think I'll be reading that soon, as well. And then one called "Polly Anna" that I've never heard of.
So, that's what I'm reading in case you're wondering where these quotes are coming from.
All my love.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
"In the same fire gold gleams and straw smokes; under the same flail the stalk is crushed and the grain threshed; the lees are not mistaken for oil because they have issued from the same press.... under the weight of the same affliction the wicked deny and blaspheme God, and the good pray to Him and praise Him... The same shaking that makes fetid water stink makes perfume issue a more pleasant odor." - Saint Augustine
"But the true Gospel of Christ cannot be exterminated from any country - only God can remove it." - John Foxe
"And that is why, at the end of all things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say 'We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven,' and the Lost, 'We were always in Hell.' And both will speak truly." - CS Lewis
" - no natural feelings are high or low, holy or unholy, in themselves. They are all holy when God's hand is on the rein. They all go bad when they set up on their own and make themselves into false gods... There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him. And the higher and mightier it is in the natural order, the more demoniac it will be if it rebels." - CS Lewis
Just some quotes from books I've been reading recently. I'll write more later on them, but tonight, I'm going to bed early. Tomorrow's Friday, and I hope that means a relaxing weekend is ahead.
I have my tickets to Chennai now. All that's left is me getting the taxi to Madurai and I'm set to come home. And that is something that can be arranged in a few weeks. Exciting! 28 days and I'll be in America.
Good night and sleep well everyone. I love you.
"But the true Gospel of Christ cannot be exterminated from any country - only God can remove it." - John Foxe
"And that is why, at the end of all things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say 'We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven,' and the Lost, 'We were always in Hell.' And both will speak truly." - CS Lewis
" - no natural feelings are high or low, holy or unholy, in themselves. They are all holy when God's hand is on the rein. They all go bad when they set up on their own and make themselves into false gods... There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him. And the higher and mightier it is in the natural order, the more demoniac it will be if it rebels." - CS Lewis
Just some quotes from books I've been reading recently. I'll write more later on them, but tonight, I'm going to bed early. Tomorrow's Friday, and I hope that means a relaxing weekend is ahead.
I have my tickets to Chennai now. All that's left is me getting the taxi to Madurai and I'm set to come home. And that is something that can be arranged in a few weeks. Exciting! 28 days and I'll be in America.
Good night and sleep well everyone. I love you.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Tickets
On May 21st I will arrive back in America for the first time in over 10 months. I'm very excited about that. It should be very good to be home for a bit. I hope to get around and see as many people as I can and enjoy some good food before coming back to India again.
The school musical is over now, and I'm glad to have a break to rest. There are only two weeks left for me and I'll be done with my concerts and my first year teaching. That makes me really excited.
For now, I'm going to go and rest some more. I hope to have a lengthier blog for you later this week.
<3
The school musical is over now, and I'm glad to have a break to rest. There are only two weeks left for me and I'll be done with my concerts and my first year teaching. That makes me really excited.
For now, I'm going to go and rest some more. I hope to have a lengthier blog for you later this week.
<3
Monday, April 13, 2009
Weakness...
His power is made perfect in my weaknesses...
And they are many right now. I am emotionally and physically weak. In the past, I have normally been ill and had the philosophy "suffer in silence" and never really let anyone know until it got too bad for me to handle. When I moved here, I made a concerted effort to be open and honest in my relationships with people, and this includes when I'm not feeling well. When they ask how I am, answering honestly. But, at this point, I'm getting sick and tired of saying "well, I'm still sick, but what can you do?", and I'm fighting this battle within myself. It is NOT better to suffer alone. It is NOT better lie to people around you. It is NOT okay to pretend you are alright when you are not.
It is one thing to get up in the morning and get dressed and put on clothes you don't feel like wearing, and put on a jacket when you want a hoodie, and wear your hair down when you want a bun, so that you can command respect from your students, but when you can't be yourself with your friends, that's a whole different issue. But at this point, I want to be lying to myself, as well. I want to be saying "I'M FANTASTIC! HOW ARE YOU!!!" and running around being ME! I don't want to be sitting here in my office unable to focus because I have a headache and really don't want to go teach another two periods. Of band. ::sigh::
Emotionally, there's a lot going on. Besides my physical illness wearing down on me from all sides, I have other things coming up as well making me just want to scream. I want to crawl into my bed, face into my pillows, and scream the loudest scream ever. And then cry. Just let it out. I've been invited to visit Mike's grave by his mother many times since he passed, but now she is pushing even harder for me to come. It's just hard to deal with. I don't want to deal with it. Not right now.
I need to go plan. My next entry will be happier, I promise. I will will myself to get better, and this time, it will work. It has to. Everyone has to get better at some point, right?
And they are many right now. I am emotionally and physically weak. In the past, I have normally been ill and had the philosophy "suffer in silence" and never really let anyone know until it got too bad for me to handle. When I moved here, I made a concerted effort to be open and honest in my relationships with people, and this includes when I'm not feeling well. When they ask how I am, answering honestly. But, at this point, I'm getting sick and tired of saying "well, I'm still sick, but what can you do?", and I'm fighting this battle within myself. It is NOT better to suffer alone. It is NOT better lie to people around you. It is NOT okay to pretend you are alright when you are not.
It is one thing to get up in the morning and get dressed and put on clothes you don't feel like wearing, and put on a jacket when you want a hoodie, and wear your hair down when you want a bun, so that you can command respect from your students, but when you can't be yourself with your friends, that's a whole different issue. But at this point, I want to be lying to myself, as well. I want to be saying "I'M FANTASTIC! HOW ARE YOU!!!" and running around being ME! I don't want to be sitting here in my office unable to focus because I have a headache and really don't want to go teach another two periods. Of band. ::sigh::
Emotionally, there's a lot going on. Besides my physical illness wearing down on me from all sides, I have other things coming up as well making me just want to scream. I want to crawl into my bed, face into my pillows, and scream the loudest scream ever. And then cry. Just let it out. I've been invited to visit Mike's grave by his mother many times since he passed, but now she is pushing even harder for me to come. It's just hard to deal with. I don't want to deal with it. Not right now.
I need to go plan. My next entry will be happier, I promise. I will will myself to get better, and this time, it will work. It has to. Everyone has to get better at some point, right?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
A different kind of weekend...
I spent this weekend in a local city about 4 hours away. On Saturday, I had an appointment at the hospital to get this illness sorted out that has been plaguing me for weeks now. It has honestly been a rough few weeks for me. For a while, I tried to pretend that it wasn't bothering me to see if it was in my head, but that just caused me to get worse, and resulted in me hitting my head. After about the 4th or 5th week like this, I went back to the school doctor and she sent me to a specialist in Coimbatore. I spent about 5 hours at the hospital and left with a diagnosis of "migraines". I had a CT scan and bloodwork done, so at least we know it's not too serious, but even with the new medicine, I'm still bothered by headaches and occassional bouts of dizziness (though not as bad as they've been in the past). They tend to get worse as I get more tired (so, later in the week, and later in the day), and medicine does not help them at all. In fact, no medicine I've encountered to this point helps. I honestly hate that in order to be honest to people, I have to say that I still have headaches. I wish that I was at the top of my game. But I'm not. I can normally muster up the energy to function around 80% for a whole school day, but after school is out, I'm gone. I would love to be back to 100%, or at 80% for 16 hours out of a day instead of 9 or 10. It really isolates me.
I've decided recently to make some changes to my daily schedule, and this includes putting in an hour that I do something for me. I compose for me. Read for me. Study something for me. Off the internet. Away from the world. An hour a day where no-one bothers me and it has nothing to do with work or any sort of "force".
So this is my life at the moment. We're getting down to the wire, and I have so much work to do. If you have a moment, please send up a prayer for these headaches to go away soon. I'd really appreciate that. Thanks guys!
I've decided recently to make some changes to my daily schedule, and this includes putting in an hour that I do something for me. I compose for me. Read for me. Study something for me. Off the internet. Away from the world. An hour a day where no-one bothers me and it has nothing to do with work or any sort of "force".
So this is my life at the moment. We're getting down to the wire, and I have so much work to do. If you have a moment, please send up a prayer for these headaches to go away soon. I'd really appreciate that. Thanks guys!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
O wow....
So, I really only have about 4 cycles left of teaching for my first year. Because of IB exams, music basically stops after our concerts in the beginning of May. I can't believe it's almost over!
I was getting on here to write a health update instead of sending an e-mail to home. I was feeling excited because other than a stomach ache after eating, I'm feeling better in that regard. At least it's staying down!!! I've been feeling nauseated almost 24/7 for the last month, and it hasn't been fun. However, today, until a few moments ago, I haven't really been nauseated. I'm still feeling a bit weak from 4 weeks of vomiting, but not to the same extent that I was.
AND, I actually got sleep last night. My headache is still here, but I was so exhausted after a long day, that I completely passed out around 11 last night. I woke this morning still feeling tired, but that's okay.
Next week, I'm going to Coimbatore for 2 days for a conference, and I'm really hoping to learn a lot. I love learning, and I hate that there aren't many opportunities for me to learn more of what I want to here. I'm making some decisions regarding my future recently, and it's got me excited. They're still really vague, but just knowing that I have options makes me excited. And with part of them including going back to school, I'm STOKED! (Did I mention that I love learning?)
So, I'm going to go now before I teach again.
<3
I was getting on here to write a health update instead of sending an e-mail to home. I was feeling excited because other than a stomach ache after eating, I'm feeling better in that regard. At least it's staying down!!! I've been feeling nauseated almost 24/7 for the last month, and it hasn't been fun. However, today, until a few moments ago, I haven't really been nauseated. I'm still feeling a bit weak from 4 weeks of vomiting, but not to the same extent that I was.
AND, I actually got sleep last night. My headache is still here, but I was so exhausted after a long day, that I completely passed out around 11 last night. I woke this morning still feeling tired, but that's okay.
Next week, I'm going to Coimbatore for 2 days for a conference, and I'm really hoping to learn a lot. I love learning, and I hate that there aren't many opportunities for me to learn more of what I want to here. I'm making some decisions regarding my future recently, and it's got me excited. They're still really vague, but just knowing that I have options makes me excited. And with part of them including going back to school, I'm STOKED! (Did I mention that I love learning?)
So, I'm going to go now before I teach again.
<3
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Hills and Valleys
I'm in a valley and I can't seem to find a way out.
But I'm searching none-the-less.
But I'm searching none-the-less.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Books...
The BBC estimates most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here.
Instructions:
1) Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
2) Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE.
3) Star (*) those you plan on reading.
4) Tally your total at the bottom.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen x
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien x
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte x
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling x
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee x
6 The Bible x
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte x
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell x
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens x
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott x
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller x
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare x
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien x
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger x
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger X
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell x
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald x
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy x
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams x
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky x
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck x
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll x
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy x
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens x
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis x
34 Emma - Jane Austen x
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen x
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis x
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini x
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden x
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne x
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell x
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown x
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery x
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood x
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding x
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan x
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel x
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen x
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens x
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley x
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez x
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck x
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov x
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold x
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas x
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding x
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie x
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville x
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens x
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett x
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce x
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens x
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker x
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert x
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White x
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom x
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad x
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery x
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas x
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare x
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl x
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo x
I've read= 63
I loved= I don't know.... maybe 10 of them
I plan to read= the rest of them...
It takes too much time to mark the rest. I've basically decided that I've had way too much time on my hands in the past to read books. Problem is, most of these were read before I finished high school and I haven't read too much serious lit since. That might be a problem.
Instructions:
1) Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
2) Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE.
3) Star (*) those you plan on reading.
4) Tally your total at the bottom.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen x
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien x
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte x
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling x
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee x
6 The Bible x
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte x
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell x
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens x
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott x
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller x
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare x
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien x
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger x
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger X
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell x
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald x
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy x
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams x
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky x
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck x
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll x
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy x
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens x
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis x
34 Emma - Jane Austen x
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen x
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis x
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini x
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden x
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne x
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell x
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown x
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery x
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood x
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding x
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan x
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel x
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen x
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens x
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley x
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez x
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck x
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov x
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold x
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas x
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding x
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie x
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville x
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens x
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett x
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce x
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens x
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker x
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert x
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White x
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom x
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad x
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery x
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas x
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare x
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl x
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo x
I've read= 63
I loved= I don't know.... maybe 10 of them
I plan to read= the rest of them...
It takes too much time to mark the rest. I've basically decided that I've had way too much time on my hands in the past to read books. Problem is, most of these were read before I finished high school and I haven't read too much serious lit since. That might be a problem.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Hills and mountains...
So, as we were coming back towards the mountains where I live, I was in awe of them. I had thought on the way down about how it's wierd that our mountains just show up out of no-where. You have no warning they are coming except that you can see them. You don't have any hills leading to them. It's just an all of a sudden change to a steep mountain climb.
It just makes me think. In light of recent events and because of them. That sometimes, problems come to us with a preparation. Much like NC, where you have the foothills and then the mountains. You have a warm-up. Something has prepared you (at least a little bit) for what is coming. But here, much like India, where the culture is all or nothing most of the time, you have flats and then BAM! it's a mountain. It's a little bit nuts. Just sayin'.
I don't really know what I'm saying with this. I guess that it doesn't really matter how these problems come to us, they're never more than we can take. We will always be able to get through them. Whether we have warning or not.
Maybe I'll try to elaborate on this one day when I feel better. We'll see.
<3
It just makes me think. In light of recent events and because of them. That sometimes, problems come to us with a preparation. Much like NC, where you have the foothills and then the mountains. You have a warm-up. Something has prepared you (at least a little bit) for what is coming. But here, much like India, where the culture is all or nothing most of the time, you have flats and then BAM! it's a mountain. It's a little bit nuts. Just sayin'.
I don't really know what I'm saying with this. I guess that it doesn't really matter how these problems come to us, they're never more than we can take. We will always be able to get through them. Whether we have warning or not.
Maybe I'll try to elaborate on this one day when I feel better. We'll see.
<3
Monday, February 9, 2009
Spending Time...
... with myself. It's so easy here to always be around people. To always have something going on and to never have a moments peace. I did that much of last semester. This semester I've gone back to being a hermit. Spending time alone. Which is what I really need at the moment. Time to be me. To reflect. To be okay with where I am. I do this sometimes. I know that. And I'm okay with that. I am spending time with myself and with God and letting things heal. I am processing. I am thinking. I am going through the things I need to in order to be productive during the day.
This is how I am. I need this time. I just wish people around me understood that. I'm not trying not to hang out. I'm not trying to be anti-social, but I need processing time. I don't have spare time during the day. I'm in my office most of the day (minus lunch and coffee), and while I'm in here, it's work, 24/7. I can't close my door and have a moment to myself. I have students in here all the time. I can't close anyone out of here. There is no where to be alone from the time I step on campus til the time I leave it. So when I go home, I stay there. I get away from people. I hang out on my own. I want to have time to think.
::sigh::
That is me. During this second semester. 1/4 over. :-) 14 weeks and I get to go to America. It's exciting.
This is how I am. I need this time. I just wish people around me understood that. I'm not trying not to hang out. I'm not trying to be anti-social, but I need processing time. I don't have spare time during the day. I'm in my office most of the day (minus lunch and coffee), and while I'm in here, it's work, 24/7. I can't close my door and have a moment to myself. I have students in here all the time. I can't close anyone out of here. There is no where to be alone from the time I step on campus til the time I leave it. So when I go home, I stay there. I get away from people. I hang out on my own. I want to have time to think.
::sigh::
That is me. During this second semester. 1/4 over. :-) 14 weeks and I get to go to America. It's exciting.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Shut down...
So, sometimes, my body gives out on me. Sunday afternoon and evening was spent feeling o so ill... Monday.... sick, but still fulfill all my responsibilities for Republic Day... go home and go to bed... Tuesday: fall down the stairs (twice) then teach at school all day, get things done. go home and fall asleep before 7 only to wake up at 7 the next morning. today; feeling like crap still. my whole body hurts. i could really use more sleep, but i know i need to do things. I need to be a person. not this shell that sleeps a lot. ::sigh::
I feel so dead.
I feel so dead.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Catching my breath
So, it's a new year, a new semester, and soon, a new house! I'm really excited to move. It will be great to have my own place and from what I've seen of it so far, it's really nice. :-)
We are starting our 2nd cycle of classes and so I've begun my lessons. I only have 33 teaching periods this semester, but a good deal more students. It will work out. Always does.
My father is currently having a bit of a rough time. He has been back in NY since the beginning of December and recently found out he has lymphoma. We'll find out later this week what stage he's in, but he's currently in a lot of pain and just doesn't sound the same. It hurts that I'm so far away while this is going on.
A friend of mine passed away earlier this month after battling brain cancer for 4 years. It's wierd to think I won't read his e-mails anymore.
Life is always changing and always moving on, and all I want is to be able to stop and catch my breath for a moment. Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to be an adult because it's all too fast paced. I enjoy being able to take time and look at the stars and lay out on the grass. It's pretty fantastic. But I never really get that chance. I like to have picnics. I like to enjoy the little things. ::sigh::
Time to get back to work. only two more lessons today and then hopefully I will be moving. YAY!
We are starting our 2nd cycle of classes and so I've begun my lessons. I only have 33 teaching periods this semester, but a good deal more students. It will work out. Always does.
My father is currently having a bit of a rough time. He has been back in NY since the beginning of December and recently found out he has lymphoma. We'll find out later this week what stage he's in, but he's currently in a lot of pain and just doesn't sound the same. It hurts that I'm so far away while this is going on.
A friend of mine passed away earlier this month after battling brain cancer for 4 years. It's wierd to think I won't read his e-mails anymore.
Life is always changing and always moving on, and all I want is to be able to stop and catch my breath for a moment. Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to be an adult because it's all too fast paced. I enjoy being able to take time and look at the stars and lay out on the grass. It's pretty fantastic. But I never really get that chance. I like to have picnics. I like to enjoy the little things. ::sigh::
Time to get back to work. only two more lessons today and then hopefully I will be moving. YAY!
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