Passion...

...The key to a happy life. Or at least, a content one.

This year has been a huge learning curve for me. More-so in a social and political sense than any other. In the sense that I came to a school excited about the spiritual life and history of it, and found something completely different. Where it is just like other "christian" institutions that have lost sight of its foundation. It has lost what it truly means to be a Christ-centered school. This is not okay. In a place where Christ is supposed to be the center, there are so many conflicts and solutions that are not sought in prayer. They are sought by who can pay more money, who has been around longer, and whose pay check will get fatter. Decisions about spending the school money are on what big names on campus use what facilities, rather than where the most people will benefit from that money.

I understand that money is needed to "make the world go 'round", but in a place that is supposed to be Christ-like, I feel that it should be spent on the students and how it helps them. It should not be spent creating more problems. You currently aren't giving your all to the 600 current students, but want to increase enrollment next year. I applaud you for *saying* that you are Christian in a country where Christianity is generally not accepted, but now you have to act like it. Giving scholarships to missionary kids does not make you a Christian institution.

Maybe this is why it seems like this is not the place for me for the long term. I don't know that I've said that 'out loud' on here, but it's true, and it's been in my head for a while. This place is just another example. This is the same thing that broke my heart last summer when I was sitting in church one Sunday and my pastor was speaking about churches in our community that did not want to open their doors to the homeless.

Where has Christianity gone? Where has the love for all of God's children disappeared to? Don't we all matter? Doesn't everyone deserve to have someone reach out to them and comfort them in their time of trouble? To share a spare blanket, and some warm food? Don't we have the responsibility as Christians to share our abundance with those who have none?

This is what my heart truly breaks over. And I have no idea how to "fix" it. I don't know how to make this right, or even show people that they're not following God even though they think they are. How do you begin to help people realize that we are of a shallow faith? How do we show people that there are still miracles in the world and that God is SO real and is moving in the slums? How do we help them realize that they could be doing mission work in their very neighborhood?

And I have no idea where this passion is leading me. But it's not this classroom. Not this house. Not this school. It's not any classroom. It's not any house. I would rather be, at this very moment, in that dalit village in Bangalore where I spent a week in September, showing those children that they are loved, and that someone cares to take time to play with them, even if, right now, I can't speak Khanata.

This is where I am at this very moment.