Spoken Words

My mode of communication is normally words; written words, in particular. I like to play with them, form parallels and then draw dichotomies. I enjoy using words to paint pictures from a different perspective.

But recently I've had a lot of experiences with the spoken words of friends and acquaintances that have meant a lot to me. Some of them were from women who have been praying for me for over a year and finally met me last week. In our conversation and prayer time they spoke words that I've thought before, wondered about, or just have never had the courage to say. There is power in putting words to those feelings and thoughts.

There have also been words of affirmation in my life. Many of them in the last couple weeks. Spoken to me at very different times, and with very different points, but that give me encouragement for various aspects of my life. While some of the words are flattering, I know that I will not be able to live into all of them.

And tonight, as there are so many things in my life and the lives of people I care about, that I lift up spoken words and cries of the heart in places where there are no words. God hears the cries whether through words, song, pictures, or silence. I am glad God hears these prayers no matter how we utter them, and I watch and listen anxiously for answers.

Reflective

I guess I've been kind of reflective recently. It's just that there was about a month where the words just would not come out. I was doing everything I could to live my life and trying to be present in each moment, and I just wasn't. Life was weighing me down and I couldn't figure out how to get out from underneath the weight.

Everything seemed to push me over an edge that I rarely ever even see.

After a particularly rough week there were finally a couple people who spoke words that I needed and pushed in the right spots that I finally took some time to not fight and force my way out of that place. Instead, I finally settled into that space and let myself feel the weight of it. And in the feeling the weight of it, I was able to start to let some of it go.

You see, life is a learning curve. I've learned some big lessons in my life, but one thing I will always be is stubborn. Wherever I learned it, I learned long ago to push through it and do what needs to be done. What needs to be done will always be done in my book. But this chapter in the book, well, it taught me to not push for a little while.

I think I was watching something recently; that or I was reading something... either way, I can visualize in my mind the lesson in the words: sit with what is going on and feel it. O! It was the show called "Addicted." The interventionist spoke about the hardest part of detoxing and rehab is learning to sit with the emotions you are pushing off with drugs.

Well, folks, my drug is the push. My drug is getting things done at all costs. I enjoy doing things and I enjoy doing what I do well (or at least to the very best that I can do it, which I hope is well for those around me). This is both a positive and a negative. I've learned in the last few years how to say "no" when it needs to be said, and I learn continuously how and where to draw lines with others. But this recent lesson was about the line within myself - learning to say no to me and learning to sit with it all.

I don't know why the words stopped. I think that for a little bit, there was literally too much going on for me to really have time to listen for them.

To give a rundown of my life recently:
- My landlord decided she is selling this residence, so I've had to find a new one, and begin to get this one ready to move out and yet still decent while it is shown.
- My second year of graduate school ended.
- Work ended, along with all the exciting end-of-year/wrap-it-up things that needed to get done (and still need to get done).
- Pentecost Sunday project.
- A long-awaited and much-needed vacation.
- Organizing the services and preaching a very busy Sunday right after said vacation.
- Dog sitting for a couple friends.
- Applying for and interviewing for jobs.
- Scholarship applications.
- Doctors appointments. Lots and lots of them and all the stuff that comes with them.
- O, and trying to live my life, see friends, do my normal work, and if I can remember, trying to eat.

This is all in the last month only. It has literally been a month that has flown and crawled by. Often not in the ways I needed it to. I'm not so sure the rest of my summer isn't going to follow a similar pattern. There is a lot I want to do this summer, including new things at the church (new ideas on that to come later!), more travel to see my family, travel to see friends, maybe just some travel to travel and have a break (mileage, anyone?)... and of course: working on my bucket list!

But for now, slowing down mentally is key.

I love living my life, but months like the last one remind me how important it is to step back on occasion; so my new self-care practice is taking at least one day every two weeks where I focus on staying in touch with myself and not necessarily the people around me. Yes, sometimes it includes people, but my goal for those days is refreshment. I'm planning things like days at the park, days at the pool, days where I just go somewhere new or different and enjoy fully what I really want to do.

Life is but a moment on the spectrum of time. And I intend to enjoy this moment, and each that I'm given. Especially with my new lesson under my belt and the necessity of practice.

We all do this from time to time. Where are you pushing too hard this week? Is there something in your life that is your addiction? What is weighing you down and is there a way for you to let yourself feel it fully so you can let it go?

The heavy things in our lives need not be so oppressive.

The Making of Free Water

On June 2nd I preached at the church where I'm an intern. I took a risk and shared a message that was a challenge to myself, as well. This was the second time that sermon had been preached, though it was tweaked for each particular context, but it was a challenge each time.

The message I was to deliver was one that came to me through a lot of prayer and exegetical work. It was a message that was calling the church out for their behavior. It was a message that was calling me out.

I chose a video that demonstrated what I was saying. I chose songs that spoke directly of the point, often sharing words with the scripture.

And I wrestled with myself as the time came to deliver the sermon.

I knew this was a challenging sermon. I knew that words would reach out to the ears around me, and I knew that, to some people, they would sting. I was actually hoping they would sting. They had stung me repeatedly as I had prepared. We all need to be called out at some point. Being called out forces us to examine ourselves and (hopefully) change what we are doing.

Apparently it was a well received sermon and that makes me glad. Many people have complimented it and said that they were still talking about it in different gatherings. My only hope is that it did challenge the people around me as much as it challenged me and continues to shape me.

So what was the point? What was I hoping people would hear?

Well, it's the fact that sometimes the church is the very thing standing in the way of people seeing God. That it's the Christians that sometimes give off the impression that God isn't for everyone. Sometimes, it's me standing in the way.

What do I say? What do you do? What do we put out there that make our doors unwelcoming to our communities? Are we even outside our walls or are we always expecting people to come to us first?

The scripture was Isaiah 55:1-11, and the video, should you choose to watch it, can be found here.

This was one of those Sundays that is going to stick with me, and I hope the message sticks with the people who heard it. I hope it helps me question each and every day what my actions are, what my words are, and how I can better be an agent of God's peace and welcoming in this world.

And that is the making and reflection on free water.

Click here to watch another video, if you'd like. A friend showed me this the other day and it epitomizes the point of my sermon. Let us all be the proof this week to the people around us.

Fight for it

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
~Mother Teresa

I shared this quote in my last entry as a challenge and an inspiration.  A challenge to live into, and an inspiration to move forward. This is an especially meaningful quote in my life right now because I feel like she is calling me out, in particular. 

Life is the the time when we get to experience the breadth of emotions available to us. And how often is it that we ignore some of them because we feel like we have to be strong, or we fight the sorrows we feel, or even fight our desires in order to be "safe" and "comfortable"? We use logic to talk ourselves out of the grand adventures before us, and we question our abilities to the point that amazing opportunities slip us by. 

And how often do we become passive in our lives and stop fighting for the life we deserve? I'm not saying the fight is easy, because there are times when the fight is the hardest thing you've ever done, but there is so much more that we're capable of. 

It leads me to this poem: 

Our Greatest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

We've got to fight for it; fight for the freedom from ourselves and the limitations we build around ourselves. When we don't fight for it, we destroy it. 

Sometimes, it's the fight that makes it all worth it, no matter how much it takes out of us. 

If you're fighting for something today, I encourage you to keep fighting. Life is worth it. Whatever fighting means to you, we don't go passively through this life. Life is to be lived. Be on an adventure no matter where you are in your journey. 

My friends, I love you. And I love you enough to tell you to fight. Meet the challenges that arise. Sing your song and show your beauty. I promise that I will do the same with all my might.  It's all we can do. 

And on the way, let's go on some adventures! Let's be amazing together. Please? Life is both much too long and much too short to not have fun along the way. 

Same God: New Ideas, New Images

So, I've been in the process recently of getting things together for an art class. This is not an art class where we sit around and try to create the best piece of art, or judge each other. We are not seeking to put our pieces on the wall, or display them in the church. What we are seeking, though, is to find God in ourselves, in our experiences, and to take time to be mindful of our lives and experiences. The idea is to step away and explore for just a little while in a safe place. Practices of discernment and the examen will be present in our meetings, and I'm excited to offer this to those around me.

One of the reasons this has come back to me over and over again even if it's not typical of the community I'm involved in, is that it is an area we neglect often times. It is easy to get too heady and to not create spaces to allow God to be found inside ourselves. To see where God is working, has worked, and will continue to work through us.

One of the things we need for the class are books and quotes that are inspirational to the various members of the class. Because I don't know what people read, if they have anything ready, I am asking for your help. What are quotes that have inspired you? Are there books that were particularly meaningful on your journey through life? Maybe there are books of quotations or poems that would serve our purposes.... Please be sure to leave them in the comments or e-mail them to me! I would love to be able to purchase some of these resources for us to use over and over again. (Also, think of books for children, since one of the groups will be for young kids.)

I'm excited to explore God with the people in my community. I'm also excited to expand my own views. Groups like this encourage learning and experiencing together. And there are many things like this group that I'd love to see in our community. Things that bring us away from our everyday lives to live in community.

I leave you with this quote that has been challenging and inspiring me recently:

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
~Mother Teresa

May we all live into this quote and the expanses opened to us. 

(Don't forget to leave quotes or resources!)

Help Me Be: Praying in Poems

by Dale C. Frederickson

I got a new book in the mail today, and as is the case when I'm excited to get a book, I opened it, took it out at began to read. I was especially excited for this book because it speaks my language: poetry. I often use it to express myself when prose or speaking just won't work and I find it extremely emotionally evocative.

Now, unfortunately, some of the poems didn't sit right with me today. But that could be more telling of my own emotional state than the quality of the poetry. I can read a poem one day and love it, and read it a week later and find it "trite." That is the nature of poetry. It speaks when it needs to speak. That is why there are 150 different chapters in Psalms: enough word and emotion for the infinite spectrum that exists.

I will leave you with an excerpt from one of the poems. Head on over to Amazon and check out the rest of the book.

Stuck(excerpt)

You feel stuck? 

Unable to do the things you want to do, 

Unable to be the person that you want to be, 

Unable to live the vision that you see. 

Nothing is easy. 

You start to face this. 

You learn to embrace this. 

You trust the grace in this. 

You see beyond sticky places. 

Somehow, someway, slowdown, make way, subtlety, not today, 

You'll learn new moves, 

Find those new grooves, 

Your life improves.

I believe in you. 

Do you believe in you? 

One day, somehow, someway, transparently, I know, you will be - 

FREE.

Able to do the things you want to do, 

Able to be the person you want to be, 

Able to live the vision that you see.