... my shipment came on Wednesday, and like a kid at Christmas, I opened it up and was excited to see most all of my stuff in tact. I have one thing that was broken, but it's not a huge deal. I'll be pulling out more stuff as the weekend goes on and such. But I do have my own comforter on my bed right now, so that's really nice. Tonight after the staff recital I'm going to pull more stuff out and rearrange my room. I still have painting left to do, but I really need to get it set up, and eventually, I'll actually start putting stuff in the drawers of my dresser. however, first I have to go buy eucalyptus oil to get the bed bugs out of the dresser. blegh.
I'm getting really good at making a fire. In fact, whenever i have a problem with it, it's more because of the wood being wet than me being incapable. which is good to know.
I had some revelations last night, but i guess I don't really have the energy to go into it right now. Maybe later.
Today, my heart is burdened by the persecution in Orissa....
http://journalchretien.net/breve14110.html
I litterally want to cry because of this.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
In like a lamb, out like a lion...
August came in quite nicely. However, like the months that come in like a lamb often do, it's been a lion going on. Beautiful during the day, but heavy rain at night. Last night I got caught in some of these heavy rains on my way home. I was drenched by the time i finished my walk. Luckily the wood i had brought inside had dried out a bit, so it only took me 20ish minutes to start a fire and hang up my clothes to dry. They were all dry by the time I woke up this morning, and that is a huge blessing in itself.
Coco is still getting so big. I really need to get a day when the internet at my house is working so I can upload pictures.
But as for the moment, i'm feeling quite ill, so I'm going to get off here and finish this day up in hopeful quiet (that is, until my clarinet players come in.. ahh!!!)
Sorry I don't update often. I'll try to fix that.
Prayer request:
Please pray for the state of Orissa. pray for an end to the violence and destruction in Orissa. in the last few days mobs have attacked churches and homes of Christians, torched vehicles and stopped rail and road traffic. families of some of the students here have been affected.
Coco is still getting so big. I really need to get a day when the internet at my house is working so I can upload pictures.
But as for the moment, i'm feeling quite ill, so I'm going to get off here and finish this day up in hopeful quiet (that is, until my clarinet players come in.. ahh!!!)
Sorry I don't update often. I'll try to fix that.
Prayer request:
Please pray for the state of Orissa. pray for an end to the violence and destruction in Orissa. in the last few days mobs have attacked churches and homes of Christians, torched vehicles and stopped rail and road traffic. families of some of the students here have been affected.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
A Prayer
Something I've been reading/praying/meditating on a lot recently is missions. And by this, I don't necessarily mean my involvement or future in them (though that is an essential part of why it particularly interests me).
I know so many people who have never been outside of their little corner of the world. They've never seen the different people, cultures, and backgrounds around them. The beauty that is inherant in everything, and they miss it. The people all around us that are broken and ignored. Even within their own communities.
You know I came over here with really no idea what I was doing, and without anyone physically in my presence that knew what I was about to go through. This made it just a bit more challenging, but in a way, has been a complete blessing. It's given me the opportunity to just kind of be open to where God's voice is calling, and allowed me to learn a lot already.
But it also makes me think of the people at home who have no idea what this is like. Who have no idea that there are people in Kernersville, or Rome, or Greensboro that are living in conditions worse and harder than what I live in (let me tell you, life here is much more plush than I would have thought). But that people are all around us and need our help. There are nations all around the world that need to hear the Gospel. There are souls that need someone to be willing to love them.
So I pray. I pray for those souls. That God can give them strength to hold on until someone comes to quench their thirst. I pray for the hearts of those people who will be the ones to bring the Spring of Life to them. I pray for my friends around the world who are blind to what is going on. And I pray for my church families, that they may realize that the world out here needs them. That we can't just sit in our respective communities and go to church on Sunday. We can't just drop vegetables off at our church family's doors; we have to drop them off to others as well. open our arms, our hearts, our minds, our souls, and our being to the people who just don't know.
As Christians, we are commanded to spread the Word. it's not a recommendation, it's not an option for a job, it is supposed to be our way of life. It is what we are supposed to do in and among everything else we do.
And this is why I cry sometimes.
Because so many people are being ignored right next to us, and far away from us. How often is missions or evangelism just a topic or a side note to a 'bigger picture'? How often do we actually sit down and read about what's going on? How often do we really think about the world and what is going on in it and WHY that is going on?
Why are people so scared of the Lord? Why is it that Christianity is the religion that is outlawed in different states around India and other parts of the world? Why are people against it?
Because it's true.
And the devil wants to stop it from spreading. Planting evil in government officials' hearts to stop the spread of LOVE. Planting fear in Christians so that we won't proclaim anyway. Planting struggles to try and turn us away.
And we let it happen.
And that's my prayer.
That we don't let it happen. That we do something. From whatever corner of the globe we are on and whatever field we work and play in. Where ever we are. That we do something.
That we love each other so much that we are willing to be REAL PEOPLE, and share our souls and our selves and our blessings.
That is my prayer.
I know so many people who have never been outside of their little corner of the world. They've never seen the different people, cultures, and backgrounds around them. The beauty that is inherant in everything, and they miss it. The people all around us that are broken and ignored. Even within their own communities.
You know I came over here with really no idea what I was doing, and without anyone physically in my presence that knew what I was about to go through. This made it just a bit more challenging, but in a way, has been a complete blessing. It's given me the opportunity to just kind of be open to where God's voice is calling, and allowed me to learn a lot already.
But it also makes me think of the people at home who have no idea what this is like. Who have no idea that there are people in Kernersville, or Rome, or Greensboro that are living in conditions worse and harder than what I live in (let me tell you, life here is much more plush than I would have thought). But that people are all around us and need our help. There are nations all around the world that need to hear the Gospel. There are souls that need someone to be willing to love them.
So I pray. I pray for those souls. That God can give them strength to hold on until someone comes to quench their thirst. I pray for the hearts of those people who will be the ones to bring the Spring of Life to them. I pray for my friends around the world who are blind to what is going on. And I pray for my church families, that they may realize that the world out here needs them. That we can't just sit in our respective communities and go to church on Sunday. We can't just drop vegetables off at our church family's doors; we have to drop them off to others as well. open our arms, our hearts, our minds, our souls, and our being to the people who just don't know.
As Christians, we are commanded to spread the Word. it's not a recommendation, it's not an option for a job, it is supposed to be our way of life. It is what we are supposed to do in and among everything else we do.
And this is why I cry sometimes.
Because so many people are being ignored right next to us, and far away from us. How often is missions or evangelism just a topic or a side note to a 'bigger picture'? How often do we actually sit down and read about what's going on? How often do we really think about the world and what is going on in it and WHY that is going on?
Why are people so scared of the Lord? Why is it that Christianity is the religion that is outlawed in different states around India and other parts of the world? Why are people against it?
Because it's true.
And the devil wants to stop it from spreading. Planting evil in government officials' hearts to stop the spread of LOVE. Planting fear in Christians so that we won't proclaim anyway. Planting struggles to try and turn us away.
And we let it happen.
And that's my prayer.
That we don't let it happen. That we do something. From whatever corner of the globe we are on and whatever field we work and play in. Where ever we are. That we do something.
That we love each other so much that we are willing to be REAL PEOPLE, and share our souls and our selves and our blessings.
That is my prayer.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Life ramblings and such..
I've been ill for about 4 days now, and it's really taking its toll on me. I layed down really early last night and went to sleep a lot earlier than normal. Tonight is going to be like that as well.
Even as I write that, I feel like I need to lay down right now. It really drains your body when you're ill.
But also, there's so much going on in my mind. I have this amazing friend that is always really supportive (and completely honest with me), so when I write entries like the one below, she just gives me the straight feedback, and I like that. I love knowing there is someone out there who is completely honest with me, and is such a great resource when I have questions.
Many of you will remember that before I left I finally accepted the calling God has placed on my life, but still wasn't exactly sure where it was leading. More and more I see that missions is going to be my "field". I just don't know yet if it will be on the state-side end of it, or permanently out in the field. It's okay. I'm fine with that. There's time between now and then to let God show me the way. All I have to do is step out in faith and listen for God's voice.
Through thoughts an prayers and just general searching, I've set a goal for myself to raise $1,500 for this December. $500 is for the plane ticket (therefore bypassing the train situation). The rest would be to feed me, buy Christmas presents for my friends and the rest a donation to their organization. I actually don't know where the $1500 number came from, but it seems reasonable. I'm not sure how to fundraise from thousands of miles away, so if you have any ideas, please feel free to send them my way!
All my love,
Even as I write that, I feel like I need to lay down right now. It really drains your body when you're ill.
But also, there's so much going on in my mind. I have this amazing friend that is always really supportive (and completely honest with me), so when I write entries like the one below, she just gives me the straight feedback, and I like that. I love knowing there is someone out there who is completely honest with me, and is such a great resource when I have questions.
Many of you will remember that before I left I finally accepted the calling God has placed on my life, but still wasn't exactly sure where it was leading. More and more I see that missions is going to be my "field". I just don't know yet if it will be on the state-side end of it, or permanently out in the field. It's okay. I'm fine with that. There's time between now and then to let God show me the way. All I have to do is step out in faith and listen for God's voice.
Through thoughts an prayers and just general searching, I've set a goal for myself to raise $1,500 for this December. $500 is for the plane ticket (therefore bypassing the train situation). The rest would be to feed me, buy Christmas presents for my friends and the rest a donation to their organization. I actually don't know where the $1500 number came from, but it seems reasonable. I'm not sure how to fundraise from thousands of miles away, so if you have any ideas, please feel free to send them my way!
All my love,
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Missions Organizations
I've been blessed in my life to be a member of two church organizations: The American Baptist Churches, and the Southern Baptist Convention. Both have wonderful missions programs (or it seems that way, anyway). I figured, "hey, I live in India and have no idea what I'm doing, maybe if I ask for advice for the future (since I think I'm going to end up in long term missions), then maybe they can provide answers and help me along the way."
and the responses I've gotten from both are basically "Hey, we're glad you're in India, but we're not looking to place people there right now, so have fun and take care"...
and i feel really jilted. I feel like they don't care unless you have gone through their application process and been commissioned and sent by them. God forbid you know where you're being called and you go because God puts the path in front of you.
I understand where they're probably concerned ("o, she wants money from us" or something like that), but really I'm just trying to find a place in this world i live in and perhaps not feel so alone and abandoned. Does that make sense? Like, because I wasn't commissioned and hadn't fully looked into all of that in the 6 months between my trip to India and when I moved here, that now I'm completely self-reliant and unsupported. It's not like there were any people around me that have ever done this before to kind of help the path, but i was kind of blazing the trail on my own, ya know? a 22 year old, new college graduate, who heard God's voice and watched God open the doors on this opportunity, and just wants to know God and serve Him fully.
I don't know. I'm just dumb. And on my own in India.
and the responses I've gotten from both are basically "Hey, we're glad you're in India, but we're not looking to place people there right now, so have fun and take care"...
and i feel really jilted. I feel like they don't care unless you have gone through their application process and been commissioned and sent by them. God forbid you know where you're being called and you go because God puts the path in front of you.
I understand where they're probably concerned ("o, she wants money from us" or something like that), but really I'm just trying to find a place in this world i live in and perhaps not feel so alone and abandoned. Does that make sense? Like, because I wasn't commissioned and hadn't fully looked into all of that in the 6 months between my trip to India and when I moved here, that now I'm completely self-reliant and unsupported. It's not like there were any people around me that have ever done this before to kind of help the path, but i was kind of blazing the trail on my own, ya know? a 22 year old, new college graduate, who heard God's voice and watched God open the doors on this opportunity, and just wants to know God and serve Him fully.
I don't know. I'm just dumb. And on my own in India.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Shocked and appalled
I was going to walk the lake during my break, but 1) I'm too tired and 2) I have more work to do.
I'm constantly shocked and appalled by the communication and the ability to work together. It's obvious that we have cabinets upon cabinets of music, so why on earth are you going to use a full band method book for private lessons? this particular method book is currently being used in the band classroom. Why not give him some fresh music to look at in his lessons so he has more to do.
I'm just appalled that people would rather a kid become bored out of their mind than find REAL MUSIC for them to play. Method books are just for spot checking techniques and concepts, not for full on, 40 minute PRIVATE lessons. I mean, this kid has an hour of band twice a cycle, a 40 minute lesson and (4) 40 minute practices. Is he really going to play the same thing for all of those? I'd prefer this kid is learning more techniques and thus not bored when we're in band. I'm severely perturbed by this notion. And I have a sense that I'm going to bring it up at our department meeting later. I'm really the only person teaching winds that has a degree in music, and specifically, music education. I've kind of been appointed at different times as kind of the wind and percussion head. I'm the band teacher. Ultimately, these kids come into my class 2 times a week to make (hopefully) beautiful music. But if you're spoonfeeding them, you're not helping the band, in fact, you're hurting the band. This hurts my heart. Cus in a school where opportunities like private lessons are offered, they should be of use and should be turning out good, competent musicians. Not kids that can barely pass RSM, and/or barely SOMETIMES read a key signature.
There will be a talk later, I think I decided this.
There needs to be some curriculum. It's kind of okay when it's one teacher teaching everybody. But when one person has flutes and beginning clarinets, one person has brass (except for horn), one person has saxes, a couple clarinets, and elementary aged kids (including beginner band), and ANOTHER has advanced clarinets, horn, and percussionists, there has to be a sort of curriculum that keeps consistency in training a priority.
That is my rant. B/C I'm frustrated by the lack of concern for the musicians that are being turned out (based on the kids I've received).
I'm done.
I'm constantly shocked and appalled by the communication and the ability to work together. It's obvious that we have cabinets upon cabinets of music, so why on earth are you going to use a full band method book for private lessons? this particular method book is currently being used in the band classroom. Why not give him some fresh music to look at in his lessons so he has more to do.
I'm just appalled that people would rather a kid become bored out of their mind than find REAL MUSIC for them to play. Method books are just for spot checking techniques and concepts, not for full on, 40 minute PRIVATE lessons. I mean, this kid has an hour of band twice a cycle, a 40 minute lesson and (4) 40 minute practices. Is he really going to play the same thing for all of those? I'd prefer this kid is learning more techniques and thus not bored when we're in band. I'm severely perturbed by this notion. And I have a sense that I'm going to bring it up at our department meeting later. I'm really the only person teaching winds that has a degree in music, and specifically, music education. I've kind of been appointed at different times as kind of the wind and percussion head. I'm the band teacher. Ultimately, these kids come into my class 2 times a week to make (hopefully) beautiful music. But if you're spoonfeeding them, you're not helping the band, in fact, you're hurting the band. This hurts my heart. Cus in a school where opportunities like private lessons are offered, they should be of use and should be turning out good, competent musicians. Not kids that can barely pass RSM, and/or barely SOMETIMES read a key signature.
There will be a talk later, I think I decided this.
There needs to be some curriculum. It's kind of okay when it's one teacher teaching everybody. But when one person has flutes and beginning clarinets, one person has brass (except for horn), one person has saxes, a couple clarinets, and elementary aged kids (including beginner band), and ANOTHER has advanced clarinets, horn, and percussionists, there has to be a sort of curriculum that keeps consistency in training a priority.
That is my rant. B/C I'm frustrated by the lack of concern for the musicians that are being turned out (based on the kids I've received).
I'm done.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Long Day
I've been in my office since 7:30 this morning. No fun.
I have however gotten a lot done, and am beginning to get in my grove. This will only get better as copies are finally get finished and as I make my office my second home. It's slowly coming together but is still in the messy stage (have you ever seen a neat band director's office? I haven't. unless of course they don't use it ever!).
Things are starting to come together and yesterday the advanced band sounded much better than they have yet. It was very nice.
I got a letter from my mom today, that I knew was coming, but still made me really happy to receive. I actually started tearing up, so I had to put it away and I'll read it later tonight.
The rest of today goes like this: Band for 9/10 periods. tea. staff meeting. walk the lake with my Penryn family. get dinner somewhere. come back to my office to get MORE work done. and then CE late tonight with Cath and such.
::sigh::
I'm actually really tired today.
I've received news that my shipment has arrived in Chennai, so alas, I guess the dealing with it will happen soon. Please think of me as I try not to worry about it. I know it will work out somehow, but it is not something I like to have over my head. ::blegh::
Otherwise, I need to go plan for band. So, I'll talk to you guys later.
(Mom, I sent you an e-mail, make sure you get it. It might have gone to your spam folder again.)
All my love, seriously,
Mel
I have however gotten a lot done, and am beginning to get in my grove. This will only get better as copies are finally get finished and as I make my office my second home. It's slowly coming together but is still in the messy stage (have you ever seen a neat band director's office? I haven't. unless of course they don't use it ever!).
Things are starting to come together and yesterday the advanced band sounded much better than they have yet. It was very nice.
I got a letter from my mom today, that I knew was coming, but still made me really happy to receive. I actually started tearing up, so I had to put it away and I'll read it later tonight.
The rest of today goes like this: Band for 9/10 periods. tea. staff meeting. walk the lake with my Penryn family. get dinner somewhere. come back to my office to get MORE work done. and then CE late tonight with Cath and such.
::sigh::
I'm actually really tired today.
I've received news that my shipment has arrived in Chennai, so alas, I guess the dealing with it will happen soon. Please think of me as I try not to worry about it. I know it will work out somehow, but it is not something I like to have over my head. ::blegh::
Otherwise, I need to go plan for band. So, I'll talk to you guys later.
(Mom, I sent you an e-mail, make sure you get it. It might have gone to your spam folder again.)
All my love, seriously,
Mel
Friday, August 1, 2008
Affirmation...
... of something I've come to discover in my first two weeks working at the school. I shouldn't go into detail in something as public as this, so I'm not going to, but I'm going to say that it is very comforting to know that the position I am currently in is not my fault. In no way is it my fault things are happening the way they are, and that with any luck, and support, things will only get better.
I'm going to spend much of this weekend mending my heart as it has taken quite a beating in many respects this week. There is so much I want to do here, but I have to pace myself. It's great to "take off running", but I want to have steam come the end of the semester, so I'm going to pace myself from the start. That means that this weekend, I am taking time for me. For my heart, and for my sanity. If I need to cry, I'll cry. If I need to run, I'll run.
I finally started writing the book I've been thinking about for years. And it's definitely brought up things I would rather leave under the bed collecting dust. It's a part of healing, though, and I know that. So, it's okay.
My mother informed me of a cousin of mine (second cousin technically) passing away last weekend. It's not like I ever spent a lot of time with him. It's not like we were close. It's not like I'd really even heard much about him in the past few years. But knowing that someone in my family had passed away, and the funeral had already happened, all before I'd even heard he was HURT, is hard.
I don't know. There are just a lot of things going on in my heart right now. For these kids, for this school, for this country, for my family, and for my friends I've left back home. It's a little overwhelming at times. I don't want to be another teacher that just backs out on these kids. They deserve so much more than what they've gotten. They deserve a chance to be GREAT. I just hope I'm not someone who's going to fail them again.
I won't go into it anymore, but here's a passage from a book I'm reading called "Out of the Salt Shaker":
" A disciple says ' I hear you. It's the nuttiest ting I ever heard of. It's risky. I'll look like a fool, but I'll do it. Because my life is no longer committed to doing my thing but your thing.' Heaven will not be filled with innocent people, running around saying 'Oh, was there another way? I guess I never noticed. 'Rather they will say, 'You bet there were other options that begged to control me. By God's grace and my struggle, Jesus is my Lord.' "
Oh, and PS: I think up north is definitely on for Christmas. I'm so excited about it. I'll tell you more about that later. :-)
I'm going to spend much of this weekend mending my heart as it has taken quite a beating in many respects this week. There is so much I want to do here, but I have to pace myself. It's great to "take off running", but I want to have steam come the end of the semester, so I'm going to pace myself from the start. That means that this weekend, I am taking time for me. For my heart, and for my sanity. If I need to cry, I'll cry. If I need to run, I'll run.
I finally started writing the book I've been thinking about for years. And it's definitely brought up things I would rather leave under the bed collecting dust. It's a part of healing, though, and I know that. So, it's okay.
My mother informed me of a cousin of mine (second cousin technically) passing away last weekend. It's not like I ever spent a lot of time with him. It's not like we were close. It's not like I'd really even heard much about him in the past few years. But knowing that someone in my family had passed away, and the funeral had already happened, all before I'd even heard he was HURT, is hard.
I don't know. There are just a lot of things going on in my heart right now. For these kids, for this school, for this country, for my family, and for my friends I've left back home. It's a little overwhelming at times. I don't want to be another teacher that just backs out on these kids. They deserve so much more than what they've gotten. They deserve a chance to be GREAT. I just hope I'm not someone who's going to fail them again.
I won't go into it anymore, but here's a passage from a book I'm reading called "Out of the Salt Shaker":
" A disciple says ' I hear you. It's the nuttiest ting I ever heard of. It's risky. I'll look like a fool, but I'll do it. Because my life is no longer committed to doing my thing but your thing.' Heaven will not be filled with innocent people, running around saying 'Oh, was there another way? I guess I never noticed. 'Rather they will say, 'You bet there were other options that begged to control me. By God's grace and my struggle, Jesus is my Lord.' "
Oh, and PS: I think up north is definitely on for Christmas. I'm so excited about it. I'll tell you more about that later. :-)
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