Missions Organizations

I've been blessed in my life to be a member of two church organizations: The American Baptist Churches, and the Southern Baptist Convention. Both have wonderful missions programs (or it seems that way, anyway). I figured, "hey, I live in India and have no idea what I'm doing, maybe if I ask for advice for the future (since I think I'm going to end up in long term missions), then maybe they can provide answers and help me along the way."

and the responses I've gotten from both are basically "Hey, we're glad you're in India, but we're not looking to place people there right now, so have fun and take care"...

and i feel really jilted. I feel like they don't care unless you have gone through their application process and been commissioned and sent by them. God forbid you know where you're being called and you go because God puts the path in front of you.

I understand where they're probably concerned ("o, she wants money from us" or something like that), but really I'm just trying to find a place in this world i live in and perhaps not feel so alone and abandoned. Does that make sense? Like, because I wasn't commissioned and hadn't fully looked into all of that in the 6 months between my trip to India and when I moved here, that now I'm completely self-reliant and unsupported. It's not like there were any people around me that have ever done this before to kind of help the path, but i was kind of blazing the trail on my own, ya know? a 22 year old, new college graduate, who heard God's voice and watched God open the doors on this opportunity, and just wants to know God and serve Him fully.

I don't know. I'm just dumb. And on my own in India.