The lower school had a visit from santa today, and it was awesome. All around, it was a good day. It started with meetings and getting things organized and sending correspondances to about 7 different countries, and around lunch time, it just went in the right direction. I had bells on my shoes. Christmas music was playing in the staff lounge. Santa was here for the kids. The last day of school and they are OFF THE WALLS! I spent half an hour with 1st and 2nd graders, chasing them around the quad and then they were calling me Mrs. Clause and were my reindeers and leading me to the north pole.
It was so nice to just release it all. To forget that I'm "the boss" and that there is so much to do. To just revel in the holidays with people around me. To show students that teachers can have fun, too. To just let it all go. To watch santa talk to the kids, and give them gifts. To wish them all a good vacation. To cram a bus full of students to go to the upper school at the end of the day. To laugh and sing songs. To eat the meal that was supposed to be prepared for the Christmas banquet last weekend.
And tomorrow is thanksgiving, and what am I thankful for?
-I am thankful for all of you that have taken the time to come and read this blog and who e-mail me and pray for me and support me while I'm here. The people at home that I miss so much for the holidays.
-For the people who are here that keep me sane. And support me. And stand by me when things are rough.
-For my colleagues that support me. That drive me insane. That are behind me and push me to be better than I am.
-For my students. A year and a half in, and they are on my like flies on sticky paper. They are all over the place. Kids that aren't even music students. It's a wonderful feeling to know that they are comfortable enough to come into your office and cry when they need to, but that they still respect you enough to do push-ups when you tell them to.
-For my friends all over the world that I haven't seen in a long time. that still keep in touch and are still amazing and wonderful people. Even watching them grow from a distance is an honor.
-For the people here who have become my family. My aunties and uncles, and moms and dads, and akas and thambis and anays. These are the people that make my life complete. Fill up my heart.
It's an amazing time of year. I'm glad I don't have to work during it (or at least, after Saturday).
<3
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Loss
The student I mentioned in the last entry passed away yesterday morning. It's too bad restful sleep hasn't come to me yet.
I think I feel asleep for about an hour last night but it was interrupted by nightmares. I don't know what's going on right now, but I do know that in my life at the moment, there is a lot of spiritual warfare happening. And I will clothe myself in the armour of God and it will be defeated.
The other entry I had brewing will have to wait. Just wanted to give you the update.
I think I feel asleep for about an hour last night but it was interrupted by nightmares. I don't know what's going on right now, but I do know that in my life at the moment, there is a lot of spiritual warfare happening. And I will clothe myself in the armour of God and it will be defeated.
The other entry I had brewing will have to wait. Just wanted to give you the update.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tortured
I've had a couple of really tortured nights this week. I haven't been able to sleep. Things have been popping into my head that shouldn't be. And, especially last night, the sight of one of our students laying hurt and bleeding on our covered courts was forever engrained. I know that sight will never leave, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with it.
I got home this evening after making an effort to be out with friends despite how I was feeling. All day I've felt the sickness taking over my body. I haven't really been able to eat for the last few days, and the fever has been slowly rising, with the aches and tiredness. I've felt completely worn down. Emotionally and physically. I went outside because I could feel myself burning up. I sat on my stoop and looked at the Lutheran Church that is next door. There is a pane glass window directly in front of the stoop, and on it is a person above a cross with his eyes covered with his hands. I spent a good deal of time sitting there and praying.
I prayed that God would relieve the sights that I see when I close my eyes. That He would allow me a night's sleep. That He would heal what this is that is taking over my body. But most of all, that I would learn something from all of it. Last night is the first time I have cried about that student. Up until now it's been work. When the accident happened, I jumped in and got to work. I kept the students away. Backed up the line of control. Kept people calm. "Crisis mode" it's called. And I've pretty much been in it all week. But now it's time to feel. And that's not always so easy.
I'm very thankful that there's really only a week left of school. So very thankful. In two weeks I'll be with my friends. It's official. I picked up my tickets today. All semester, we wait until the break. Then the break happens and we're counting down for school to begin. And the cycle starts over. We're always counting down. I need to be better about staying in the moment.
There's another entry brewing in my mind, but that will have to wait until tomorrow or Friday. "I"?
I got home this evening after making an effort to be out with friends despite how I was feeling. All day I've felt the sickness taking over my body. I haven't really been able to eat for the last few days, and the fever has been slowly rising, with the aches and tiredness. I've felt completely worn down. Emotionally and physically. I went outside because I could feel myself burning up. I sat on my stoop and looked at the Lutheran Church that is next door. There is a pane glass window directly in front of the stoop, and on it is a person above a cross with his eyes covered with his hands. I spent a good deal of time sitting there and praying.
I prayed that God would relieve the sights that I see when I close my eyes. That He would allow me a night's sleep. That He would heal what this is that is taking over my body. But most of all, that I would learn something from all of it. Last night is the first time I have cried about that student. Up until now it's been work. When the accident happened, I jumped in and got to work. I kept the students away. Backed up the line of control. Kept people calm. "Crisis mode" it's called. And I've pretty much been in it all week. But now it's time to feel. And that's not always so easy.
I'm very thankful that there's really only a week left of school. So very thankful. In two weeks I'll be with my friends. It's official. I picked up my tickets today. All semester, we wait until the break. Then the break happens and we're counting down for school to begin. And the cycle starts over. We're always counting down. I need to be better about staying in the moment.
There's another entry brewing in my mind, but that will have to wait until tomorrow or Friday. "I"?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Love Conquers All
Today, I was in charge of religious assembly at school... The theme was "Love Protects" coming from 1 Corinthians. We've been studying it all semester in these assemblies... I had no idea how to address this. I didn't know how to make it relevant to the students. How do you present this to a diverse group of religious backgrounds? I had no idea at all, and spent time yesterday praying about it, and praying for God to use me for something the kids needed.
As I was playing around the internet, I realized that this Friday is To Write Love on Her Arms day. I took part in this when I was in America, and it is the ultimate in love protecting. That combined with the Lifehouse skit from youtube, proved to be a pretty powerful assembly. During the first video (the story of TWLOHA), I saw kids crying, not being able to watch, but mostly, riveted. There was no talking in the hall. Then I read the mission of TWLOHA. Go to their website to read it. (www.twloha.com)
It speaks that we are meant to love and be loved. That we need community. That our lives mean something. That the best is yet to come.
Then I played the 'Lifhouse "Everything" skit' from youtube (check it out at youtube.com and search for that title). It is a very powerful video. And before I played it, I had the first image up, and you have Jesus standing there in a robe with a purple sash. And I told the kids "even if you don't believe in that man, see him as love, and what love is willing to do for you, and can do for you, above all the temptations the world throws at you."
And at the end "There is at least one person in this room that loves you enough to do that. Reach out. God is love. Love conquers all. And the greatest of these, is love."
I was freaking out. The first video is not an easy one. It is harsh and real. It does not hide things. It is raw. And the words Renee carves into her arm are not good, and when they popped onto the screen, I was worried that the administration that was sitting around the hall would have a problem. That they'd think all of this inappropriate.
There was someone in that room that needed to hear that today. Someone needed to know that there is hope out there. That they can reach out. That there are people ready and willing to help. I really hope that's the case. I pray that those kids learned something. I've gotten a lot of good responses from the kids, and from some of the staff. Thanking me for being real.
I can't be anything but real. I don't know why I am that way, but it's the truth. There is nothing in me but truth, and sometimes, that's harsh. God gave me words today, and I pray they fell on open ears.
"The greatest of these is love."
I love you all.
As I was playing around the internet, I realized that this Friday is To Write Love on Her Arms day. I took part in this when I was in America, and it is the ultimate in love protecting. That combined with the Lifehouse skit from youtube, proved to be a pretty powerful assembly. During the first video (the story of TWLOHA), I saw kids crying, not being able to watch, but mostly, riveted. There was no talking in the hall. Then I read the mission of TWLOHA. Go to their website to read it. (www.twloha.com)
It speaks that we are meant to love and be loved. That we need community. That our lives mean something. That the best is yet to come.
Then I played the 'Lifhouse "Everything" skit' from youtube (check it out at youtube.com and search for that title). It is a very powerful video. And before I played it, I had the first image up, and you have Jesus standing there in a robe with a purple sash. And I told the kids "even if you don't believe in that man, see him as love, and what love is willing to do for you, and can do for you, above all the temptations the world throws at you."
And at the end "There is at least one person in this room that loves you enough to do that. Reach out. God is love. Love conquers all. And the greatest of these, is love."
I was freaking out. The first video is not an easy one. It is harsh and real. It does not hide things. It is raw. And the words Renee carves into her arm are not good, and when they popped onto the screen, I was worried that the administration that was sitting around the hall would have a problem. That they'd think all of this inappropriate.
There was someone in that room that needed to hear that today. Someone needed to know that there is hope out there. That they can reach out. That there are people ready and willing to help. I really hope that's the case. I pray that those kids learned something. I've gotten a lot of good responses from the kids, and from some of the staff. Thanking me for being real.
I can't be anything but real. I don't know why I am that way, but it's the truth. There is nothing in me but truth, and sometimes, that's harsh. God gave me words today, and I pray they fell on open ears.
"The greatest of these is love."
I love you all.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Relationships...
Relationships are essential to life... and all my life, I've longed for deep meaningful relationships... right as I began to make them, I moved to India. Some of these have continued to flourish, but others have dwindled. This summer was an amazing time of growing closer to people around me. It made me desire all the more to be around those people and get to know them and just spend time with them.
But when it came to applying to schools, I actually applied to two schools that were completely separate from any sense of anyone I knew. My first acceptance came and I was really excited and ready to move to Boston. Second came and they offered a huge scholarship (and was a better school) and I was ready to move to New Jersey... then, the third comes, a school that I have no idea why I applied. It's a good school, but is close to home, so I really didn't want to go (and it's expensive). They, too, offered a huge scholarship that is making NJ and this one basically cost the same (not counting living expenses).
So, since the acceptance, I've been spending a lot of time praying about it. And God keeps telling me about relationships. By the time I move back, I'll have been gone for three years, and not just down the street. On the other side of the world. Relationships matter. And I want to nurture those in my life that I can. This means, my brothers (who will both be in college at this point), my mother, and my church family that I've grown to love. School, of course, will allow me the new relationships that come with a new stage in life, while allowing me to grow in old ones.
Moving back to a place where people know you is so much harder than a new place. But growing around and with them is so much more rewarding.
I never thought that my answer would be close to home, but apparently, it is. God is clearly telling me to go there.
No matter how appealing living 30mins away from Manhattan is!
But when it came to applying to schools, I actually applied to two schools that were completely separate from any sense of anyone I knew. My first acceptance came and I was really excited and ready to move to Boston. Second came and they offered a huge scholarship (and was a better school) and I was ready to move to New Jersey... then, the third comes, a school that I have no idea why I applied. It's a good school, but is close to home, so I really didn't want to go (and it's expensive). They, too, offered a huge scholarship that is making NJ and this one basically cost the same (not counting living expenses).
So, since the acceptance, I've been spending a lot of time praying about it. And God keeps telling me about relationships. By the time I move back, I'll have been gone for three years, and not just down the street. On the other side of the world. Relationships matter. And I want to nurture those in my life that I can. This means, my brothers (who will both be in college at this point), my mother, and my church family that I've grown to love. School, of course, will allow me the new relationships that come with a new stage in life, while allowing me to grow in old ones.
Moving back to a place where people know you is so much harder than a new place. But growing around and with them is so much more rewarding.
I never thought that my answer would be close to home, but apparently, it is. God is clearly telling me to go there.
No matter how appealing living 30mins away from Manhattan is!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Decisions to change a life...
First, I should say congratulations to all of my students... I know none of them read this, but they deserve it. Our students did very well on the exam this year. We had two students fail, 13 Passes, 20 Merits and 8 Distinctions. I'm really glad that part of the year is over.
Our secretary left for a month today. That makes me sad. I know she'll enjoy her time, but still. I wish she was still here to keep me sane. There is so much work to be done and I have NO IDEA where to begin.
Within this week, I have to make some pretty big decisions, and I'm spending a lot of time in prayer about them. I really want to make the right decision, and I know God will show me in time. I'm expecting to make it within the next few days and then I'll write some of the thoughts that have been going through my head, as well as one that God has clearly given me that is influencing my decision.
There are only 3.5 weeks left and school is over. I really only teach for two more weeks. It's hard to believe that this semester is over already.
There is so much going on in my head, but tonight, it's just not working. I need to get some good sleep before our meeting tomorow morning.
<3
Our secretary left for a month today. That makes me sad. I know she'll enjoy her time, but still. I wish she was still here to keep me sane. There is so much work to be done and I have NO IDEA where to begin.
Within this week, I have to make some pretty big decisions, and I'm spending a lot of time in prayer about them. I really want to make the right decision, and I know God will show me in time. I'm expecting to make it within the next few days and then I'll write some of the thoughts that have been going through my head, as well as one that God has clearly given me that is influencing my decision.
There are only 3.5 weeks left and school is over. I really only teach for two more weeks. It's hard to believe that this semester is over already.
There is so much going on in my head, but tonight, it's just not working. I need to get some good sleep before our meeting tomorow morning.
<3
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