"Honestly, I need to be broken..."

"Honestly, I need to fall down. Go ahead and shake my foundation. Cus honestly I'm figuring out. Of all that I have, all that I need is You. Honestly"
~Carl Cartee

I think it's amazing how God uses us when we're broken. "Honestly" is a song by Carl that I fell in love with the first time I heard it and it became my prayer for the longest time. I thank God that there have been times in my life when I've been broken and what he's done in those times. If I had not been broken down to the point of ending my life, would I really know now how to depend completely and only on Him? If I had not been digging my own grave, would I have been able to appreciate and fully accept all that God's done for me? If I had not felt so alone and abandoned, would I have been able to understand God as my father, my husband, my best friend, my EVERYTHING?

Last week, He broke me down in the early morning and used that brokeness to make me listen to Him. He clearly spoke to me as to where He wants me to go in my life. He used that brokeness to soften me up so I would appreciate what a blessing it is to see old friends.

My heart has been on a rampage of emotions for the last week and half-ish. Today, I really needed to stay for both services at church. My mom wasn't too happy about it, but my heart needed it. Who knows when I'll be in a situation like this again? who knows when I'll be in a church with this many brothers and sisters around me? who knows when I'll have the chance to visit with people in this congregation?

So I stayed. And because I stayed, even more blessings fell on me. For those that follow, finances aren't necessarily the best. I trust God to provide and to fulfill my needs where they are and in His time, and He definitely made that point today.

I was reading a devotion today and it says "Leading a life of faith often means leaving things alone." Amen. That is so true. As I've been learning this the last year, I've been blessed in so many ways. It's hard to not worry about where the money will come from, and it's often hard to think that I don't know everything. But as one of my dear friends said to me the other day, "When we don't know what we're doing, that is often when God shines through the most."

:-)

2 days left, and countless things to do.