Habakkuk 3:17-18
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joyful in God my Saviour.
Times get tough, and it is important to remember to keep moving forward. It seems that the beginnings of my weeks are really hard, and then they get better. This morning, though, as I was doing my morning devotion, this verse hit me hard, and was just what I needed. Times now might be hard, but that is no reason not to rejoice! There is so much good out there, and just because my days are hard doesn't mean I shouldn't enjoy what is good and beautiful around me.
I'm really going to try harder to appreciate the things that surround me, and the beauty that I've been blessed with. When you look up, it's hard to see the pit that seems to be around you, so that's what I will do.
<3
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
For the day...
1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Indeed, that is what I need to do. It's funny because I came across this verse doing a quiz on the book of faces. But it suits today and how I feel and what's been going through my mind.
I spent about an hour last night in my house with my fire going, praise music on, reading and practicing the long forgotten Alexander technique (think yoga/relaxation/body-awareness for musicians). It really helped settle me. Before that I had been stressing about work, about life, about how everything is going to work out, etc... but really taking that time last night to be just with myself and God was refreshing.
And then that verse today, just confirms what was going on in my heart last night. Satan was attacking and trying to talk me out of going where God wants me. Sorry, dude, not going to happen.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Indeed, that is what I need to do. It's funny because I came across this verse doing a quiz on the book of faces. But it suits today and how I feel and what's been going through my mind.
I spent about an hour last night in my house with my fire going, praise music on, reading and practicing the long forgotten Alexander technique (think yoga/relaxation/body-awareness for musicians). It really helped settle me. Before that I had been stressing about work, about life, about how everything is going to work out, etc... but really taking that time last night to be just with myself and God was refreshing.
And then that verse today, just confirms what was going on in my heart last night. Satan was attacking and trying to talk me out of going where God wants me. Sorry, dude, not going to happen.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
"Do not be discouraged..."
When I was looking at that verse yesterday, I was reading it in respect to the past. Looking at how everything turns out well in the end.
Today, I'm looking at that verse for encouragement to keep moving forward. I am very discouraged and worn down by my current work situation. Trying to make a band work that has no shot, trying to make a schedule work, that all it does is frustrate me. For some reason, today feels like Monday. Maybe because yesterday I wasn't on main campus at all, but still, it's been a long day already. It frustrates me that "extra" classes are changing my students' schedules STILL and trying to make me change a schedule I worked hard to make manageable. It frustrates me that people are coming to me asking for special permission to let one of their advisees into lessons: the answer is no. It frustrates me that nothing is getting accomplished when it's supposed to. That I've been waiting all day for someone to make a simple phone call and it hasn't happened. It frustrates me that people think it's okay to try to fix a problem AFTER it comes up, when it was brought to your attention earlier. It bothers me that I'm teaching double what "core subject" teachers teach. It bothers me that music is 'valued' here, but does not get the time of day. It frustrates me that people come to me for information that should be coming from my boss. It bothers me that while I am working so hard for my students and this school, there are still people here that don't realize anything they are supposed to do.
And now that I've written this. I'm going to go spend some time in prayer before my next lesson so I don't go insane.
<3
Today, I'm looking at that verse for encouragement to keep moving forward. I am very discouraged and worn down by my current work situation. Trying to make a band work that has no shot, trying to make a schedule work, that all it does is frustrate me. For some reason, today feels like Monday. Maybe because yesterday I wasn't on main campus at all, but still, it's been a long day already. It frustrates me that "extra" classes are changing my students' schedules STILL and trying to make me change a schedule I worked hard to make manageable. It frustrates me that people are coming to me asking for special permission to let one of their advisees into lessons: the answer is no. It frustrates me that nothing is getting accomplished when it's supposed to. That I've been waiting all day for someone to make a simple phone call and it hasn't happened. It frustrates me that people think it's okay to try to fix a problem AFTER it comes up, when it was brought to your attention earlier. It bothers me that I'm teaching double what "core subject" teachers teach. It bothers me that music is 'valued' here, but does not get the time of day. It frustrates me that people come to me for information that should be coming from my boss. It bothers me that while I am working so hard for my students and this school, there are still people here that don't realize anything they are supposed to do.
And now that I've written this. I'm going to go spend some time in prayer before my next lesson so I don't go insane.
<3
Monday, August 3, 2009
Fear
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
As we enter from phase to phase in our lives, it is common to be fearful, terrified and discouraged. But we have to remember that God is always with us. God was with me when I moved here. He was with me as I travelled home this summer, and as I returned for another year. He's with me for every trial he sends my way. He stays by my side even when I forget that He's there.
As doors are opening for new conversations and relationships with people around me, it's easy for me to get scared and forget why I came here. It's easy to try and sit back and pretend that God means nothing in my life. Okay, it's not easy, but it's can be more comfortable to pretend that all I do is teach in my classroom.
But I don't. As students sit in my office and ask me questions, I give answers. Honest answers. Kids always know when we're telling them the truth and they call you on it. Believe me, they do.
So pray with me as God opens new doors and provides opportunities for me.
I miss you all, and love you, and can't wait to see you again. But until then, I will live and work here, and enjoy it. :-)
As we enter from phase to phase in our lives, it is common to be fearful, terrified and discouraged. But we have to remember that God is always with us. God was with me when I moved here. He was with me as I travelled home this summer, and as I returned for another year. He's with me for every trial he sends my way. He stays by my side even when I forget that He's there.
As doors are opening for new conversations and relationships with people around me, it's easy for me to get scared and forget why I came here. It's easy to try and sit back and pretend that God means nothing in my life. Okay, it's not easy, but it's can be more comfortable to pretend that all I do is teach in my classroom.
But I don't. As students sit in my office and ask me questions, I give answers. Honest answers. Kids always know when we're telling them the truth and they call you on it. Believe me, they do.
So pray with me as God opens new doors and provides opportunities for me.
I miss you all, and love you, and can't wait to see you again. But until then, I will live and work here, and enjoy it. :-)
Friday, July 31, 2009
"Wait she's dead? Is she okay?"
My students crack me up beyond belief. There are two in particular who are always in my office and we were just having a conversation and they asked where someone I had mentioned was, and I said "O, she died a few years ago." And their response was my title. They are really smart. And by smart, I mean special.
I'm sitting in my office, listening to thunder, feeling chilly, and planning for band. The new campus switch has made this band difficult to plan for and to make effective, but hopefully that's changing. Currently on my schedule are 41 periods with 4 band planning periods on that as well. So, 45. Take away 6 periods for lunch and that's 51. That's 9 periods "free". I wish it felt like they were free, but there is always something to do or something to get ready for.
It's easier this year in the sense that I know what's going on, I know what I have to prepare for and how much time I have, but it's difficult in trying to keep everything organized. I've got so many things that need to get done to make this year effective for me and for my students.
I don't know what the bug is going around, but people keep making sly comments about how long I'm going to be at the school. My students today were like "Well, you're going to miss us once we graduate." NB: They're in 9th grade! Someone on staff said something much a long those same lines that implied I was going to be here for about 4 more years. Maybe I'm just noting them because of decisions I made this year, but I'm definitely hearing them.
And of course, this makes me anxious for news from certain schools, but considering I JUST applied and no-one has returned to school yet, I don't know why I'm so anxious. So, I'm just taking my time and relaxing and enjoying things.
<3 More some time this weekend probably.
I'm sitting in my office, listening to thunder, feeling chilly, and planning for band. The new campus switch has made this band difficult to plan for and to make effective, but hopefully that's changing. Currently on my schedule are 41 periods with 4 band planning periods on that as well. So, 45. Take away 6 periods for lunch and that's 51. That's 9 periods "free". I wish it felt like they were free, but there is always something to do or something to get ready for.
It's easier this year in the sense that I know what's going on, I know what I have to prepare for and how much time I have, but it's difficult in trying to keep everything organized. I've got so many things that need to get done to make this year effective for me and for my students.
I don't know what the bug is going around, but people keep making sly comments about how long I'm going to be at the school. My students today were like "Well, you're going to miss us once we graduate." NB: They're in 9th grade! Someone on staff said something much a long those same lines that implied I was going to be here for about 4 more years. Maybe I'm just noting them because of decisions I made this year, but I'm definitely hearing them.
And of course, this makes me anxious for news from certain schools, but considering I JUST applied and no-one has returned to school yet, I don't know why I'm so anxious. So, I'm just taking my time and relaxing and enjoying things.
<3 More some time this weekend probably.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Oops...
It's been a bit longer than I meant for it to be. With school starting and trying to get everything worked out, it's been rather hectic. I'll be at the ES compound 3 days out of a cycle, and traveling back and forth, basically. I really hope things get worked out so I can do my job.
Otherwise, not much has been going on at the moment. Just kind of waiting for the school year to pick up and have a routine again. I wish I had a more exciting update for you, but as of right now, I don't. This should change soon. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive.
:-)
Otherwise, not much has been going on at the moment. Just kind of waiting for the school year to pick up and have a routine again. I wish I had a more exciting update for you, but as of right now, I don't. This should change soon. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive.
:-)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Mountains...
As I was driving from Madurai back to my pleasant hill station, I found that I often get excited when I see the first glimpse of the Palanis. And as you drive, you drive towards them, beside them, away from them, and eventually, up them.
This time, on the way back, I was still excited, but I got thinking. Each mountain gets taller and taller the farther you drive. By the time you get to the ghat, you are travelling up what I consider to be one of the tallest in the area. I live at the top. There is not much more above me (except clouds), and that is interesting to me. I litterally jumped to the top of the hill. Forget training with smaller mountains, or going through any sort of preparation, I just jumped to here. I skipped what would normally happen. I'm just that sort of person, apparently.
That really makes no sense... I'll have to come back and make it better some time...
This time last year, I was still getting used to crossing the street in India. I was unsure of myself and my way, and how to get things done. This year, it is so much different. I'm back, and I walk in between two lanes of traffic on the road. I'm not scared to cross the road, nor am I timid about asking questions of people in the shops where I go.
However, in the past year I've learned something about myself. Something that my aunt and I have in common. If you expect me to be somewhere (not like, professionally related, but socially), and you put pressure on me to do that or be there, I will probably balk. Invite me, sure. Tell me about something. But don't pressure me. The more you pressure me, the more I don't want to be there or do what you are doing. I understand your meaning behind it, but it does not work that way with me. I feel like it finds its origins in my past. I used to use certain bad habits as my way of controlling my world and my emotions. It was always easier for me to say "no" to food when someone was pressuring me to eat or shoving it at me. If you were forcing me, it was out of my control, and I didn't like that. So, in a way, this is still out of my control when you are trying to force me to go somewhere, and so I balk. I don't really like it sometimes, but it's what I do. There are times when I'll make myself go anyway, but normally, there is some better use of my time anyway.
I don't know. It's just weird. I'm back for a second year, and had a great time while I was home and I'm missing people more than I ever thought I could. I'm anxious to get my future sorted out while still trying to be present in the moment.
I'm reading a new book now, and I'm excited about this one. I'll tell you more about it later, but I can already tell it's a book that I will highly recommend to other people. I've also got books that I need to buy that a friend has recommended for me.
::sigh::
I love you all.
This time, on the way back, I was still excited, but I got thinking. Each mountain gets taller and taller the farther you drive. By the time you get to the ghat, you are travelling up what I consider to be one of the tallest in the area. I live at the top. There is not much more above me (except clouds), and that is interesting to me. I litterally jumped to the top of the hill. Forget training with smaller mountains, or going through any sort of preparation, I just jumped to here. I skipped what would normally happen. I'm just that sort of person, apparently.
That really makes no sense... I'll have to come back and make it better some time...
This time last year, I was still getting used to crossing the street in India. I was unsure of myself and my way, and how to get things done. This year, it is so much different. I'm back, and I walk in between two lanes of traffic on the road. I'm not scared to cross the road, nor am I timid about asking questions of people in the shops where I go.
However, in the past year I've learned something about myself. Something that my aunt and I have in common. If you expect me to be somewhere (not like, professionally related, but socially), and you put pressure on me to do that or be there, I will probably balk. Invite me, sure. Tell me about something. But don't pressure me. The more you pressure me, the more I don't want to be there or do what you are doing. I understand your meaning behind it, but it does not work that way with me. I feel like it finds its origins in my past. I used to use certain bad habits as my way of controlling my world and my emotions. It was always easier for me to say "no" to food when someone was pressuring me to eat or shoving it at me. If you were forcing me, it was out of my control, and I didn't like that. So, in a way, this is still out of my control when you are trying to force me to go somewhere, and so I balk. I don't really like it sometimes, but it's what I do. There are times when I'll make myself go anyway, but normally, there is some better use of my time anyway.
I don't know. It's just weird. I'm back for a second year, and had a great time while I was home and I'm missing people more than I ever thought I could. I'm anxious to get my future sorted out while still trying to be present in the moment.
I'm reading a new book now, and I'm excited about this one. I'll tell you more about it later, but I can already tell it's a book that I will highly recommend to other people. I've also got books that I need to buy that a friend has recommended for me.
::sigh::
I love you all.
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