Sunday, September 11, 2016

New opportunities

I wrote a lot on this blog for a long time. And for now, this blog is going to stay where it is, however, I am also in the process of moving stuff from here to other writing sources. I'm trying to decide if I will link to here and attribute my writing to my former self...

I don't really know. I am trying to consolidate my writing into less locations. I have spent many years writing on many platforms - from OpenDiary when it existed, to LiveJournal, to ProseBox, to Blogger, to WordPress - I have had COUNTLESS blogs - many times for specific audiences. At this point, I am actually doing the same thing. I have multiple blogs, but one of the reasons that is the case now is because I feel like I can't always be as transparent and honest in a sole platform the way I desire. There are things I want to discuss and share with the world that I can do much easier from anonymity. Part of this is the struggle to find myself - my true voice. The unhindered, unfiltered, true voice of my thoughts and inner self - to see where that still exists and to see what that voice is saying to me. I'm kind of excited to do that - to explore what it sounds like - what accent does it speak in, and what is it going to teach me.

I just can't do that as "me". If you would like the link to that blog, you will need to ask me for it - it is not a happy blog - it is not always going to be pretty. It is not going to be the composed, put-together, polished self I put out there for everyone. It's really not. It's not a pretty journey.

I've mentioned suffering from depression before. It is something I still struggle with on occasion. It is not a regular occurrence - and normally it isn't even that bad - but there are occasionally times when the darkness wins and I need to write that out - I need to express that and where my faith fits into that (or doesn't) and where my life story arch brings me on that day. I don't want to have to censor myself based on the audience. I want the audience that needs that kind of outlet and expression to find it - and allow it to be a space where they can also be fully who they are where they are. A community of sorts that thrives on that safe space.

I need that safe space.

So if you ask, and I don't grant your desire - it is because I need a safe place. If you find it on your own because your own thoughts take you that way - welcome - know that I will welcome you with open arms - but this is me unfiltered.

I'm excited to explore this piece of myself.

Really excited.

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