Trials

Life is full of trials, and sometimes, we are given more than we think we can handle. I have been ill for quite some time, but I have faith that I will come through it and be well again. I find solace in the fact that it means God is working on me. If life was easy, it'd be like an overgrown field that a farmer has given up on. He hasn't given up on me, and is training me more and more to be strong in Him.

Besides being ill, I have had to deal with some hard blows in the last week. A friend killed herself on May 7, and that has thrown my emotions all for a loop in ways I can't explain. Papers are becoming more difficult to obtain and I found out that mine is one of three that were recently denied again. New staff might not be able to come because of this same issue, and so, I am now re-interviewing in order to have some back-ups for these positions.

Work itself is stressful. I pray for God's grace to fill me every morning so I can pour that out on the people I work with. I do not ever want to be someone who is not gracious, forgiving, kind, but it does get hard at times. It is interesting to me how different people handle different situations. I know people who yell at everything, and I know I could be that way. There is a part of me that wants to scream at people when they are not thinking logically, or are just being plain rude. But I don't scream. I stop myself, breath, and speak.

It just seems that at the current moment there is a lot going on, and nothing settles down long enough for me to get a grip. This weekend, I don't even have a break. My first break won't come until later next week. Tonight, though, I listened to a sermon from one of my favorite preachers, and I'm really glad I made myself take time to listen and be fed. It was really good and a challenging message. My heart needs to hear things like that to remind why I'm doing what I'm doing and why I continue to go through the struggles.

Because, no matter what it takes, we are on this earth to build the Kingdom.

That is why.