Bon Voyage, October!!!

I'm so very glad to see October go. October always brings with it a huge amount of stress and business and this year was no different. Besides my normally busy schedule, I was also busy with school every day. I made quite a few trips out of town during the month (including a day trip to the capitol, but with travel time, I was gone for almost 3 days). I've been working non-stop and I hope it all pays off.

And it has shown some good things already. All 41 students of ours who took the practical exams last week passed. I am so proud of my department and our students. It is a great accomplishment. One student made the international festival this year, and hopefully I'll be attending with him come spring.

It is now November. Just in time for concerts and recitals and end of the year celebrations. Three weeks from tomorrow is the closing staff meeting, and it has been long awaited. I'm making my travel plans and booking tickets. My to-do lists grow ever longer, and I can't wait for the day that they don't matter.

I have nothing overly insightful to say today, but just sending you a general update with a note: Never be ashamed of who you are. :-)

Broken

I'm sorry that I forget to write. I should be better about it.


There's this quote that I really enjoy and I'd like to share it with you:
"Out of Suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." - Kahlil Gibran


I have gone through a time recently where I was ashamed of the scars in my past. The hurts, the emotional scars, the physical scars, and just the memories were too much for me to deal with. I had forgotten that the scars are there for a reason. They are not there to hold me back. They are there to show me the future. To help others. I shouldn't be ashamed of the things that have made me into who I am, but I should embrace them and move forward.

I had a great morning with some friends and they reminded me of this. I can't remember the whole song, but there's a line that says "in our brokenness complete". We are whole in Him. Completely.

He is amazing.

A lesson from field trip...

I spent all week at a place where the temperatures rose to near 90 degrees, there was high humidity, there was little shade in many places, and I had 31 kids and 3 other chaperones to herd around from place to place.

This is what echoed throughout our trip: "Miss, I'm so tired. Can I just have some water and sit down? Can't we rest now? Isn't it time for a break? It's so hot, Miss, and this is torture. Please can I just skip this part and rest? Miss, I feel faint"...

And my response: "No. You cannot rest. Drink some water, put your hat on, and let's keep moving. You're almost to the finish line and then we'll go back and rest. Just a little farther along."

Often times, the complaint came right as we were nearing the end of our activity. We were hiking around a garden on Tuesday morning and many kids were asking if they could go back the way we came and wait at the shelter. They didn't realize we were almost to the end. We had only 5 more minutes of walking, but they wanted to retrace their last 40 minutes of walking.

How many times do we do that to God? We say, "God, I'm done. Just let me go back the path I came and let me rest. I cannot possibly move any further forward. I need water and I need a break..."

And how many times does he respond: "I won't let anything happen to you. Have your water and keep moving. You are almost to the finish line and you don't even the know the things I have waiting for you!"

We just have to keep moving.

There is something that annoys me a lot. It is people who give up when things get slightly difficult. Whether it is illness ("O, I'm feeling slightly weak today"), or when there is an obstacle in the way ("I just don't have enough for myself to give to anyone else"), it is no reason to stop.

Like this morning: I was so utterly exhausted from a week of traveling and working. I even had fever last night as I laid in bed trying to recoup. This morning, I was really weak. My legs were shaking as I walked to church. I wanted to be there. I wanted to see the faces of people I have missed for a week. I thought I was crazy as I walked. Anyone else would stay in bed. Anyone else would have said "I'll just go next week."... I'm stubborn. I made it to church and saw my friends. I worshipped. I enjoyed being in the presence of our Lord.

We are stronger than we know. He gives us strength to move forward. He gives us peace during the rough times. He calms the storms. He lights the darkness.

He is amazing, and has great things waiting for us as long as we keep moving.

PTL!

So far away...

That last entry seems so long ago, and such a distant memory. A lot has happened in that one month span, and I can't even begin to recount it for you. God teaches me a lot of things, and some days He has to yell at me to make me hear Him. This weekend He was screaming at me that I am loved. I still have no idea why this is such a hard lesson for me. But it is one that impacts huge areas of my life. This weekend He brought a group of people into my house to help me make a huge decision, and while the decision is still technically not made, I heard Him. I heard Him loud and clear.

One of the things I love about God is that we can repent. When we have made a mistake, sinned against our brothers and sisters, we can repent, and He loves us just the same. I've never been privy to a real-life version of this, but I have seen it now. I made my own mistake on Sunday that hurt someone I love, but also, because I hurt them, I hurt me. Taking the time to pray about the situation, and knowing I needed to apologize for my wrongs, and then DOING that was freeing for me. I am not anxious about those events, but am ready to try to move forward.

God is so good and loves us no matter what mistakes we make as long as we come back to Him. I am so glad His loving arms are there for me. To hold me when I'm falling, but even more so, to hold me when I'm climbing back up.

On to the next day...

The gift of words...

I haven't been able to figure out where I've been recently. Working through things, and some days, just trying to get through things... or just trying to get through... Depends on the day...

Realized this morning in church that I'm in the desert, and just because I'm in the desert doesn't mean I'm alone. He's with me even there.

But really, even before church this morning, I was given two words from Him. They have helped me along through the day and will be next to me in the coming days as well. The words He gave me are:

"Let Him" - Lay the burden on Him. Lean on Him for strength. I don't have to find the hope. He IS the hope. He is everything. And He gives it to me before I even ask. And if I can't ask Him myself, find someone to ask on my behalf. That's the hardest thing I think I've ever done. But ever since I did that, it's been so good.

"Victory" - We are given victory in Him. He promises it to us, and gives it to us no matter what. Victory is mine in Him. This battle will be won.

Two really good words for me today. And something else hit me a while ago.

There's a difference between "how are you" and "how are you feeling"... I'm blessed. Even if I'm not always feeling my best. :-)

Another year...

Another year of school starts tomorrow. We've been working and getting ready for this since early last semester. Trying to get everything in order for it all, making sure we're prepared, and praying so much. It seems as if we're on our way, and the beginning hasn't been very stressful. There are mistakes being made (and, yes, I've made some of them), but slowly they get figured out. I've been interested to see how things have panned out as far as students going and returning and am constantly surprised.

My to-do list is never ending. My school diary is already demolished by my writing in it. I am exhausted. And yet, life is good. I don't know what I'd do if I lived a boring life.

We watched a video the other day called "Seeing Red Cars". It's about how we tend to get what we focus on. Think about this: you just bought a new car. It's red. You drive around and all you see is red cars around you. True? When I bought my Alero a few years ago, I remember driving around and noticing Aleros all over the place. Same thing when I had my Cirrus. It's interesting. But I've noticed how true it is. I focus on how blessed I am in my life and the great people that surround me, so that's what I see.

I'm currently trying to help one of my colleagues be more positive. He says that when he's angry, he thinks of solutions, but what is really happening is he's frustrating the people around them who don't work like that. I hope I can help him see that it's different being frustrated and trying to find a solution, and being angry and pulling it all down. I've also learned a lot about how I'm leading my department. I mean this in the sense that I have learned why I try so hard not to be angry. Too often, musicians (artists in general) are seen as emotional, irrational, and just plain non-accommodating (stubborn). This has been proved in some instances, but I try very hard to be calm, rational and able to compromise where it's logical. I've seen their pre-conceptions proven to them, and I don't want to be like that. I want to show them that everyone wants what is best for the students and that we are willing to work toward that.

I won't go on anymore tonight because I need to sleep. I have to be up in the morning and moving stools and stuff so we can play for opening assembly. Not really looking forward to it, but hey, we all do our jobs, right?

<3

Home again, home again,

jiggety jig.

I don't know when this place became home. When I drive up the mountain, and reach a certain junction, I know that I'm almost there. I wait to pass the waterfall that signals the journey is almost over. I drive onto my compound, greet the watchman and he opens the gates. I drive up the hill and here I am. My keys open the door and I walk in and collapse on the 'couch'. Home.

But it is. I'm at home here. It's comfortable.

I had a really good week away. Lots of laughs and jokes and memories that will stick with me. Even a few cuts to remind me of our adventures. ;-) I wish I could have stayed longer, but now I am back and will start work tomorrow.

My water purifier is not working at the moment, so I went to boil some water earlier and when I went to check on it, it was SO dirty. Like, dirtier than normal. So I went out and bought some bottled water. Hopefully they will come tomorrow to fix it.

Just a quick update. Maybe one later this week after I finish this new book. The priest in it has made some interesting statements, but I'd have to go back and find them. Maybe I'll do that.

Town is abuzz... summer is over... here come the staff and soon, the students... another year is set to begin.