Before...

So, it's almost time for me to go home. And that is crazy insane. There is still so much to do that I can't even believe it. But what has really struck me is connections.

Facebook is an amazing thing. Through it, I have found friends from high school that, otherwise, I might never have heard from again. My best friend from growing up was found, and now, I don't just get to hear about her life when I head up north and I'm at church, but I actually KNOW what's going on in her life, and can talk to her.

It also allows me, at times, to talk to people who know the 'old me'. Sometimes that is comforting, and sometimes, it is terrifying. Talking to someone who knows where I've come from is also someone that knows my weaknesses. They aren't blinded by whatever I seem to be now. They aren't fooled when I talk about certain things.

But they also understand that my biggest fear going back is:

Who I was before.

Does that sound weird? Because it shouldn't. I've changed a lot since high school. And yet, I'm going back to the same area. I'm going to be in the middle of the same place where some of the worst times of my life happened.

And I know my faith is stronger than it was before. I know I'm smarter than before. I know God's strength is bigger than I could ever imagine...

But I know who I was. And I don't want to be that person again.

That is the hardest part about going back. But telling someone, someone who knew me back when, was a relief. And hearing them say "I see you're pictures, and you look TRULY happy in them now" is comforting.

I'm different. God continually shows me new things. And he never leads us somewhere that He will not keep us.

No matter what we were 'before'.