I've been dealing with a tough situation recently, and of course, when things get tough, we tend not to share as much as we normally do. I'm not going to go into details about it because I've basically gotten to the point that I can't think about it anymore, and there is no more writing to be done about it. EXCEPT, that is, to pull out the lessons I've learned and share them with anyone who might come across this page.
This issue all started with an unintentional comment from one person, and turned into two weeks of turmoil. First lesson: think before you speak. He even knew he hadn't meant to say it that way as soon as it happened. But you can't take back the words after they're out. It's not a tape. It's in the books. And it was in my heart. Like a sword to the core of my being.
But that's not really the lessons I wanted to pull out. These are more of the lessons that I've really been dealing with and trying to get a handle on:
1) It's okay to hurt. It's okay to have pain. And it's okay to FEEL that pain.
2) It's okay to reach out for help. I have honestly talked to like six people (maybe eight... actually, maybe nine?) about this issue in various ways. And each has given me the best they can. For some, they just listened. One apologized (the one who had made the comment). Others helped me walk through it and work out the real issues at work here. And still others helped me practically by being there to pull me by my bootstraps when I was getting frustrated. Each of these people had their role in this, and each helped me to get through it.
3) It's okay to stand up for yourself. In fact, it's MANDATORY. I stood up for myself with the 'offender' in the sense that I had to go to him and talk to him about what he had said and how it had hurt me. It's not easy, but there was no way I was going to be able to continue forward with that person without that conversation. I did NOT, however, stand up for myself where I needed to the most, and that is my own fault, and (through permission of one of the people I talked to) I am going to fix that should a situation arise again like what has knocked me down.
4) You cannot fix everything. Nor can you make a horse drink at the river. I can only be there. My frustration with a certain situation has to stop in some respect because I can't fix it. Only time will tell. All I can do is be around and ready if the opportunity presents itself.
5) It is not okay to let people hurt you. People can only hurt if you let them. I don't know if this is coming out right. Maybe it is better like this: They can only victimize you if you let yourself be the victim. Don't be the victim. Stand up for yourself!
6) It is okay to let people feel for you. And in fact, is sometimes needed. I explained something to one person, and for the first time in my life, someone was as angry as I was about it. It was therapeutic and made my feelings somewhat vindicated. It is seriously the first time I've seen someone as angry about it as I felt about it. And you know what? That anger is okay. Some situations deserve anger. It's what you do about that anger that is the question.
7) Over-thinking is bad. I over-think. In this case, I feel like it has allowed me to move through it more quickly and better than I would have in the past, but it's still not good. Which is why I'm not dwelling on the situation in this post, but on the lessons I learned.
8) God is good. He has blessed me beyond belief with people around me that are awesome and truly care. He knows where I am, and He knows what I need.
O, and lesson 9! Sometimes, it's good to have people in your life that will just kick you in the pants and say "NO". And you know what? I was GLAD to hear that "no". It took a huge decision off my shoulders. That person also kicked me in the pants another way and said "no", and while I wasn't as GLAD to hear that one, I knew he was definitely right.
Okay. Now, seriously, I'm done. I have to do some Hebrew homework and then should probably work to get caught up on Old Testament...
Peace.
This issue all started with an unintentional comment from one person, and turned into two weeks of turmoil. First lesson: think before you speak. He even knew he hadn't meant to say it that way as soon as it happened. But you can't take back the words after they're out. It's not a tape. It's in the books. And it was in my heart. Like a sword to the core of my being.
But that's not really the lessons I wanted to pull out. These are more of the lessons that I've really been dealing with and trying to get a handle on:
1) It's okay to hurt. It's okay to have pain. And it's okay to FEEL that pain.
2) It's okay to reach out for help. I have honestly talked to like six people (maybe eight... actually, maybe nine?) about this issue in various ways. And each has given me the best they can. For some, they just listened. One apologized (the one who had made the comment). Others helped me walk through it and work out the real issues at work here. And still others helped me practically by being there to pull me by my bootstraps when I was getting frustrated. Each of these people had their role in this, and each helped me to get through it.
3) It's okay to stand up for yourself. In fact, it's MANDATORY. I stood up for myself with the 'offender' in the sense that I had to go to him and talk to him about what he had said and how it had hurt me. It's not easy, but there was no way I was going to be able to continue forward with that person without that conversation. I did NOT, however, stand up for myself where I needed to the most, and that is my own fault, and (through permission of one of the people I talked to) I am going to fix that should a situation arise again like what has knocked me down.
4) You cannot fix everything. Nor can you make a horse drink at the river. I can only be there. My frustration with a certain situation has to stop in some respect because I can't fix it. Only time will tell. All I can do is be around and ready if the opportunity presents itself.
5) It is not okay to let people hurt you. People can only hurt if you let them. I don't know if this is coming out right. Maybe it is better like this: They can only victimize you if you let yourself be the victim. Don't be the victim. Stand up for yourself!
6) It is okay to let people feel for you. And in fact, is sometimes needed. I explained something to one person, and for the first time in my life, someone was as angry as I was about it. It was therapeutic and made my feelings somewhat vindicated. It is seriously the first time I've seen someone as angry about it as I felt about it. And you know what? That anger is okay. Some situations deserve anger. It's what you do about that anger that is the question.
7) Over-thinking is bad. I over-think. In this case, I feel like it has allowed me to move through it more quickly and better than I would have in the past, but it's still not good. Which is why I'm not dwelling on the situation in this post, but on the lessons I learned.
8) God is good. He has blessed me beyond belief with people around me that are awesome and truly care. He knows where I am, and He knows what I need.
O, and lesson 9! Sometimes, it's good to have people in your life that will just kick you in the pants and say "NO". And you know what? I was GLAD to hear that "no". It took a huge decision off my shoulders. That person also kicked me in the pants another way and said "no", and while I wasn't as GLAD to hear that one, I knew he was definitely right.
Okay. Now, seriously, I'm done. I have to do some Hebrew homework and then should probably work to get caught up on Old Testament...
Peace.
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