Frustrations

So, I am really frustrated with myself.
REALLY.

Why? Because I find myself jealous of other people and I DO NOT like that. And more than that, I find myself frustrated with other people because they don't know what they need to do, or they are too naive, or they are are too far removed, or they have it easy, or they (insert some other excuse here)...

Normally, I can talk myself out of these feelings because I truly believe that we all carry different burdens for different reasons and we all have different thresholds so they effect us all in very individual ways. We are different people and we are going to respond in our ways... That's just part of life; and like I said, I normally hold this very dear to my heart and don't try to judge or compare peoples' stories to other stories, and I hate the line, "Well at least it's not as bad as..."  We were not created to try to have the worst story, or to compare our lives to other peoples', but we were created to live our own and share our stories. 

So why, right now am I in this place of seemingly comparing stories and getting frustrated by it? 

Because life just isn't fair, and it never will be.

Facebook is evil, because it can breed frustration where there need not be any... apparently, today everyone is "really busy" and feels the need to put out there everything they are doing in some sort of "look at how much I have going on in my life right now!!!" way. But I sit there and read some of them, thinking.... well, you are doing less on your busy day than I do on a 'normal' day. 

Then I wonder what the heck I'm doing wrong because I can't be content doing nothing all day and then my busy day having three things to do, all of which really require nothing out of me. They might require me showing up, but it's not really work, not really engaging, and so, not really busy. 

And I think back to my life again, and wonder how it is that I don't know how to sit still for very long and not do anything. It is an asset at times, but at others, a real fault. Especially in a time where I need to be prioritizing things, and cutting back on what I'm doing, but I enjoy everything and everything has a purpose so I just can't seem to choose! And then no-one quite understands, in the way that no-one can quite understand another's journey... 

Because I sit here frustrated about things in my own life, knowing that I would really love to be able to reach out to those who have lost a loved-one recently, and I would love to be able to be present with those who are about to lose a loved one... and I would love to sit there with my friend while she faces things that truly, truly suck... 

And then I come back to facebook, where I hear people whining about the trivial things of life and how tough it is to have a cold, or a stomach bug.... and I know they are not fun, but I also know that they aren't grounds for calling in the cavalry... Because I know while someone is complaining about cleaning (or when I do, let's be real), that I know people who live in a motel, who would LOVE to have a house to complain about cleaning it... 

And it's all about perspective. And I have to beat myself up sometimes (figuratively) to remind myself that when my house is a complete disaster, I made the mess... or when I am too tired, I am not doing something right... and when I am super-duper frustrated, I need to step back and take a look at what's really going on and how I can fix it! 

It comes down to the Serenity Prayer: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

I can only change me, and I can't make others understand that complaining and whining doesn't fix things... or that I'm sorry you don't have the newest/brightest thing, but I know this woman who is working every single day to feed and house herself and her son while you sit here and talk about it... and I can't explain that some of the things you are frustrated with came from your own choices... because sometimes that's just too harsh...

One of my cousins has a tattoo that says "cowgirl up" and when she first got it, I didn't really understand why on earth she would get that tattooed on her body (okay, I still don't necessarily understand the meaning of having it tattooed on her, but I understand its significance), but I definitely want to scream it at people sometimes. 

There is more that can be done than you are doing. There are ways to change your situation. There is a different way to look at this problem facing you. There are other things going on in our community and world that help give us perspective if you step outside yourself for just a moment and really look at it. 

And so it all comes back to community... when we truly live in community, it seems that we have a better perspective on the world because we see others' struggles, and we help carry them while we carry ours, and in that mutual caring and love we don't have enough time to compare the struggles or get too bogged down with only ours... because then we are frustrated together and not at each other...

And all of this is a lot of rambling, with not much of a point, but maybe it helps you think and ponder and you can join in this discussion and think and ponder with me... 

And now, on my only day off of the week, I'm going back to doing my homework...