There are some days that are just extremely busy from a time and task point of view. Today was one of those days in my life. It was entirely too long and filled with just too many things and people. It was so full, that this evening, even though I'm exhausted, I need some time to wind down from it all.
There are a lot of ideas and things roaming in my head from a lot of different conversations I had today, and each one of them was amazing. For the first time in a while I felt like I was in my place, in a place, and with a place. I was wanted and needed, desired and required, leading and following, sitting and doing. It was a balance, but mostly it was *me*. It was me at a point that I haven't been at in a while. It was me in a way that knew what I was doing. It was me in a place that wasn't lost.
I was back on the map.
I *am* back on the map.
I've been off of it for a while. Re-establishing old relationship, building new ones, scaffolding stories and experiences, meshing old and new. Today, it all seemed to fit. Everything I was, everywhere I've been, and everything I've become all took time to *be* today.
I can't get into specifics, and I don't even know if the specifics would make sense out of my head, but I'll just say that it felt good. It was like, for some reason, today was the day I was going to live into where I'm supposed to be going; as if today was a culminating day.
When in actuality, it was just a normal, super-busy day. In reality, there was no time to do anything except the tasks. Maybe take a breath here and there, but only maybe.
Perhaps I thrive on the minimal-oxygen-available type of existence, but I think it's more that I thrive on these relational, meaningful conversations and mutual respect. Today I felt like a person who had a place. And that's a hard thing to find when you are a lowly graduate student. Today I felt like I truly was authentically me.
And it felt good.
There are a lot of ideas and things roaming in my head from a lot of different conversations I had today, and each one of them was amazing. For the first time in a while I felt like I was in my place, in a place, and with a place. I was wanted and needed, desired and required, leading and following, sitting and doing. It was a balance, but mostly it was *me*. It was me at a point that I haven't been at in a while. It was me in a way that knew what I was doing. It was me in a place that wasn't lost.
I was back on the map.
I *am* back on the map.
I've been off of it for a while. Re-establishing old relationship, building new ones, scaffolding stories and experiences, meshing old and new. Today, it all seemed to fit. Everything I was, everywhere I've been, and everything I've become all took time to *be* today.
I can't get into specifics, and I don't even know if the specifics would make sense out of my head, but I'll just say that it felt good. It was like, for some reason, today was the day I was going to live into where I'm supposed to be going; as if today was a culminating day.
When in actuality, it was just a normal, super-busy day. In reality, there was no time to do anything except the tasks. Maybe take a breath here and there, but only maybe.
Perhaps I thrive on the minimal-oxygen-available type of existence, but I think it's more that I thrive on these relational, meaningful conversations and mutual respect. Today I felt like a person who had a place. And that's a hard thing to find when you are a lowly graduate student. Today I felt like I truly was authentically me.
And it felt good.
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