One of the things you learn when you live overseas is that people forget. They aren't doing it intentionally, but it happens. Out of sight, out of mind.
This December, I got to hang out with someone who had only been here about 2 months, and we had and talked about this. It becomes more apparent to you when you are the one overseas... When you realize you are suddenly getting less e-mails, fewer letters, fewer people commenting on facebook, etc, it becomes apparent: You've been forgotten. Sure, when the birthday reminder pops up, or facebook reminds your friends to "stay in touch", you'll hear something. But otherwise, not so much. Sometimes, this can be a pain.
But it's the same in reverse sometimes. We try so hard to remain connected to the people at home. We keep looking at pictures of friends, reading statuses, watching blogs, all desperate attempts to remain connected to a culture we have left. And little by little it gets harder to remain in touch. The longer you are overseas, the more you feel detached from everything at 'home'. You are no longer on the front lines of new movies, new foods, new trends, or even new people that have merged into your group of friends.
We don't forget as easily, but it does become difficult to keep things going. Lives differ in BIG ways.
But every once in a while you get a reminder that people do remember. They remember who you are. They remember what you are doing and why you left them. That it wasn't easy, but it's for something (someONE) higher.
I had that reminder today. I got home and checked my e-mail and found out that my home church took up a collection for me. I didn't ask for money, but I certainly know that it is appreciated and am so thankful for it. I hate that I can't be there with them. That between having two churches at home, I am never anywhere for very long, but that they still love me. I would rather be there with them right now.
I say sometimes that I'm fine not going home this summer. There are plenty of things I can do on this side of the world that are much cheaper, but my heart does long to see everyone again. I am putting my faith in God that what is meant to happen will happen. If I am meant to go home, the funds will be raised and the tickets will be bought. And if not, I'll head up north to the mountains and learn some languages for a while, and maybe visit other friends near the border.
There are options, and I know He'll do whatever He wants for me.
I thank God everyday for my friends at home.
I love you and miss you all.
<3
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
From the 2000's
The last 10 years…
The first ten years of the millennium have been ten years of massive change in my life. Ten years ago I was in middle school and preparing to go on my first overseas trip: to six countries in western Europe! I am very blessed to have the life I have today and it would not be like this but for everything that has happened. These are the top (fun and life changing) things that have happened in the 00’s.
10) June – July 2000 – I travelled to Western Europe with the People2People program (England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium and Holland). It was when I first realized how much I like travelling and started a new obsession.
9) May 2004 – I graduated from high school as a Teaching Fellow and the recipient of the Sempre Fidelis Award in Music. This is a day that probably should have never happened based on the life I was leading at the time, but I am thankful that it did.
8) April 20, 2008 – My 22nd birthday and the day that a good friend proposed to me. He had been a friend to me since I was eight and was perfect. It was a quiet thing, without many people knowing, but it was totally right. Eventually, we might have even told my parents. ;-)
7) July 2008 – Moving to South Asia. I am really thankful for the opportunities here and the people I am meeting and getting to spend time with. There are spectacular sites, and spectacular people. It makes for a truly eye-opening experience.
6) October 2009 – Due to an unforeseen series of events, I became the head of the music department at my school. During this time, I was very stressed out at points, and going nuts, but managed to get through the RSM exams and then all the way to the end of the semester (with our dept secretary missing for a month of that!). And now, here I am, starting my first semester as HoD, and praying that I am able to fulfill my duties in a responsible way that allows the students to succeed and everyone to not go crazy.
5) May 20, 2008 – The day Michael passed away. It was an awful day. And while it was truly awful, it was another one of those ‘defining’ days in my life. When you realize that not everything will go as you plan it and God has other things in store.
4) Going on a Crossroads trip to this amazing country in which I now live in December 2007. During that trip, I learned a lot. I realized that this is where I am supposed to be. This trip is what influenced me to find a job and move here. And I’m so glad I did.
3) Living in New Zealand – Almost every day of this experience was amazing. My #1 on this list being one of them. From celebrating my 21st birthday on a street corner in Sydney, Australia, to sitting around with my flatmates in NZ, to eating banana pancakes with some more American friends, it completely changed my life and made me a new person. I saw so much of God’s beauty in that country. I am thankful for every single person I met, and every single thing I did during this time.
2) May 16, 2008 – I graduated from college. There were times that I did not know if the day would ever come. And times that I was POSITIVE it would never happen. But it did, and I am so thankful for that.
1) March 8, 2007 – Pastor Steve preached on forgiveness and I realized that forgiveness is what was holding me back. I forgave the person that hurt me most in my life and my life has not been the same since then. I literally felt a weight lift off my shoulders that night.
The first ten years of the millennium have been ten years of massive change in my life. Ten years ago I was in middle school and preparing to go on my first overseas trip: to six countries in western Europe! I am very blessed to have the life I have today and it would not be like this but for everything that has happened. These are the top (fun and life changing) things that have happened in the 00’s.
10) June – July 2000 – I travelled to Western Europe with the People2People program (England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium and Holland). It was when I first realized how much I like travelling and started a new obsession.
9) May 2004 – I graduated from high school as a Teaching Fellow and the recipient of the Sempre Fidelis Award in Music. This is a day that probably should have never happened based on the life I was leading at the time, but I am thankful that it did.
8) April 20, 2008 – My 22nd birthday and the day that a good friend proposed to me. He had been a friend to me since I was eight and was perfect. It was a quiet thing, without many people knowing, but it was totally right. Eventually, we might have even told my parents. ;-)
7) July 2008 – Moving to South Asia. I am really thankful for the opportunities here and the people I am meeting and getting to spend time with. There are spectacular sites, and spectacular people. It makes for a truly eye-opening experience.
6) October 2009 – Due to an unforeseen series of events, I became the head of the music department at my school. During this time, I was very stressed out at points, and going nuts, but managed to get through the RSM exams and then all the way to the end of the semester (with our dept secretary missing for a month of that!). And now, here I am, starting my first semester as HoD, and praying that I am able to fulfill my duties in a responsible way that allows the students to succeed and everyone to not go crazy.
5) May 20, 2008 – The day Michael passed away. It was an awful day. And while it was truly awful, it was another one of those ‘defining’ days in my life. When you realize that not everything will go as you plan it and God has other things in store.
4) Going on a Crossroads trip to this amazing country in which I now live in December 2007. During that trip, I learned a lot. I realized that this is where I am supposed to be. This trip is what influenced me to find a job and move here. And I’m so glad I did.
3) Living in New Zealand – Almost every day of this experience was amazing. My #1 on this list being one of them. From celebrating my 21st birthday on a street corner in Sydney, Australia, to sitting around with my flatmates in NZ, to eating banana pancakes with some more American friends, it completely changed my life and made me a new person. I saw so much of God’s beauty in that country. I am thankful for every single person I met, and every single thing I did during this time.
2) May 16, 2008 – I graduated from college. There were times that I did not know if the day would ever come. And times that I was POSITIVE it would never happen. But it did, and I am so thankful for that.
1) March 8, 2007 – Pastor Steve preached on forgiveness and I realized that forgiveness is what was holding me back. I forgave the person that hurt me most in my life and my life has not been the same since then. I literally felt a weight lift off my shoulders that night.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Hardest beginnings...
I've been back for just over a week. I enjoyed the first few days, a lot. It was really quiet and I enjoyed being here without all the commotion. The restlessness is slowly coming back to the town, and I've found myself recently feeling very down about the beginning of the year. Why, you ask? Well, there are a lot of people leaving at the end of the semester. And a lot of other things are changing over here and throughout the year. There are so many good things to look forward to, and yet, knowing that some people won't be here at the beginning of the next year makes me sad. I know it's the best for those involved, but still makes me sad.
I'm just in this place where I don't want to see people go. I have grown a lot and in different ways here, and it makes it harder to know that people are going. I will miss them. They are part of what makes this town 'home'. It makes all the difference for me knowing they are here. Ugh. I can't really explain everything I'm feeling.
Hmm... Not much else I can say. Too much going on.
I'm just in this place where I don't want to see people go. I have grown a lot and in different ways here, and it makes it harder to know that people are going. I will miss them. They are part of what makes this town 'home'. It makes all the difference for me knowing they are here. Ugh. I can't really explain everything I'm feeling.
Hmm... Not much else I can say. Too much going on.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
My 2009 Lists
These are my lists for 2009. I will probably do a top 10 list of the 00's, but I haven't had much time to think about that far back yet. Maybe in a few days. Meetings start tomorrow so now I get busy... :-) Love to all out there in the internet!
Top 10 of 2009:
10) Getting to spend some good time with my grandmother
9) Sending my brother go to boot camp
8) Finding out my father was in remission
7) Meeting my 4th niece – Candis
6) Becoming HoD – and knowing there were people that supported that decision
5) Spending December with some awesome people
4) Getting to share with my church families about the work going on in SE Asia
3) Getting into grad school (let alone all three that I applied to!)
2) Getting to see Sky Day and spend time with him
1) Sharing my testimony at my home-town church and knowing they already knew me and loved me
Top Lessons Learned in 2009:
10) You can be SE Asian even if you’re white. ;-)
9) Family is important, no matter where everyone is.
8) People WILL forget about you, it’s part of life
7) The road is not always easy, but when you get to the top of a mountain, the view is GORGEOUS.
6) You can’t help someone else until you’re able to help yourself.
5) Some people are petty. And they will always be there, but there are bigger things that matter.
4) God will reveal His plans in His time, not ours. Take each step as it comes because until you take that first step, the second one won’t be apparent.
3) When you work for God, it doesn’t matter what other people think.
2) When God has a plan, it WILL work out
1) Knowing you can’t be there to fix everything, but knowing that God has it in control
Top 10 of 2009:
10) Getting to spend some good time with my grandmother
9) Sending my brother go to boot camp
8) Finding out my father was in remission
7) Meeting my 4th niece – Candis
6) Becoming HoD – and knowing there were people that supported that decision
5) Spending December with some awesome people
4) Getting to share with my church families about the work going on in SE Asia
3) Getting into grad school (let alone all three that I applied to!)
2) Getting to see Sky Day and spend time with him
1) Sharing my testimony at my home-town church and knowing they already knew me and loved me
Top Lessons Learned in 2009:
10) You can be SE Asian even if you’re white. ;-)
9) Family is important, no matter where everyone is.
8) People WILL forget about you, it’s part of life
7) The road is not always easy, but when you get to the top of a mountain, the view is GORGEOUS.
6) You can’t help someone else until you’re able to help yourself.
5) Some people are petty. And they will always be there, but there are bigger things that matter.
4) God will reveal His plans in His time, not ours. Take each step as it comes because until you take that first step, the second one won’t be apparent.
3) When you work for God, it doesn’t matter what other people think.
2) When God has a plan, it WILL work out
1) Knowing you can’t be there to fix everything, but knowing that God has it in control
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
He is faithful...
Last night (my time) I spent about an hour on the phone with the people who hold my loans from college. Being here makes it hard, no, impossible, to make payments on my loans, so I had to make sure my deferment went through. I've been sending the paperwork in multiple mediums over the last 2 months trying to get it in on time. Everything had been going wrong. I was so frustrated. Forms were being censored on their way out and would arrive with pages missing. Mail that normally takes two weeks wasn't arriving after five. I was SO frustrated.
So I spent a long time on the phone last night. And I was getting angry and trying not to take it out on the woman on the phone. Eventually, she granted me a forbearance until I could make sure the forms got there for sure. I was so relieved. So this morning, I got up and decided to check my account profile to see that the forbearance had posted. And, instead, I was granted the deferment. ::sigh:: Another year to save up so I can start making payments until I get back.
This is my last entry for about a month. So don't feel bad if you don't hear from me. I'll be staying with some friends for the holidays and will not be around the internet but to check e-mail once in a while.
I wish you all the best month and hope you all enjoy it and get to spend it with family. I miss you all and can't wait until we can spend this time together again.
<3
So I spent a long time on the phone last night. And I was getting angry and trying not to take it out on the woman on the phone. Eventually, she granted me a forbearance until I could make sure the forms got there for sure. I was so relieved. So this morning, I got up and decided to check my account profile to see that the forbearance had posted. And, instead, I was granted the deferment. ::sigh:: Another year to save up so I can start making payments until I get back.
This is my last entry for about a month. So don't feel bad if you don't hear from me. I'll be staying with some friends for the holidays and will not be around the internet but to check e-mail once in a while.
I wish you all the best month and hope you all enjoy it and get to spend it with family. I miss you all and can't wait until we can spend this time together again.
<3
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
"Santa, I can see your pillow"
The lower school had a visit from santa today, and it was awesome. All around, it was a good day. It started with meetings and getting things organized and sending correspondances to about 7 different countries, and around lunch time, it just went in the right direction. I had bells on my shoes. Christmas music was playing in the staff lounge. Santa was here for the kids. The last day of school and they are OFF THE WALLS! I spent half an hour with 1st and 2nd graders, chasing them around the quad and then they were calling me Mrs. Clause and were my reindeers and leading me to the north pole.
It was so nice to just release it all. To forget that I'm "the boss" and that there is so much to do. To just revel in the holidays with people around me. To show students that teachers can have fun, too. To just let it all go. To watch santa talk to the kids, and give them gifts. To wish them all a good vacation. To cram a bus full of students to go to the upper school at the end of the day. To laugh and sing songs. To eat the meal that was supposed to be prepared for the Christmas banquet last weekend.
And tomorrow is thanksgiving, and what am I thankful for?
-I am thankful for all of you that have taken the time to come and read this blog and who e-mail me and pray for me and support me while I'm here. The people at home that I miss so much for the holidays.
-For the people who are here that keep me sane. And support me. And stand by me when things are rough.
-For my colleagues that support me. That drive me insane. That are behind me and push me to be better than I am.
-For my students. A year and a half in, and they are on my like flies on sticky paper. They are all over the place. Kids that aren't even music students. It's a wonderful feeling to know that they are comfortable enough to come into your office and cry when they need to, but that they still respect you enough to do push-ups when you tell them to.
-For my friends all over the world that I haven't seen in a long time. that still keep in touch and are still amazing and wonderful people. Even watching them grow from a distance is an honor.
-For the people here who have become my family. My aunties and uncles, and moms and dads, and akas and thambis and anays. These are the people that make my life complete. Fill up my heart.
It's an amazing time of year. I'm glad I don't have to work during it (or at least, after Saturday).
<3
It was so nice to just release it all. To forget that I'm "the boss" and that there is so much to do. To just revel in the holidays with people around me. To show students that teachers can have fun, too. To just let it all go. To watch santa talk to the kids, and give them gifts. To wish them all a good vacation. To cram a bus full of students to go to the upper school at the end of the day. To laugh and sing songs. To eat the meal that was supposed to be prepared for the Christmas banquet last weekend.
And tomorrow is thanksgiving, and what am I thankful for?
-I am thankful for all of you that have taken the time to come and read this blog and who e-mail me and pray for me and support me while I'm here. The people at home that I miss so much for the holidays.
-For the people who are here that keep me sane. And support me. And stand by me when things are rough.
-For my colleagues that support me. That drive me insane. That are behind me and push me to be better than I am.
-For my students. A year and a half in, and they are on my like flies on sticky paper. They are all over the place. Kids that aren't even music students. It's a wonderful feeling to know that they are comfortable enough to come into your office and cry when they need to, but that they still respect you enough to do push-ups when you tell them to.
-For my friends all over the world that I haven't seen in a long time. that still keep in touch and are still amazing and wonderful people. Even watching them grow from a distance is an honor.
-For the people here who have become my family. My aunties and uncles, and moms and dads, and akas and thambis and anays. These are the people that make my life complete. Fill up my heart.
It's an amazing time of year. I'm glad I don't have to work during it (or at least, after Saturday).
<3
Friday, November 20, 2009
Loss
The student I mentioned in the last entry passed away yesterday morning. It's too bad restful sleep hasn't come to me yet.
I think I feel asleep for about an hour last night but it was interrupted by nightmares. I don't know what's going on right now, but I do know that in my life at the moment, there is a lot of spiritual warfare happening. And I will clothe myself in the armour of God and it will be defeated.
The other entry I had brewing will have to wait. Just wanted to give you the update.
I think I feel asleep for about an hour last night but it was interrupted by nightmares. I don't know what's going on right now, but I do know that in my life at the moment, there is a lot of spiritual warfare happening. And I will clothe myself in the armour of God and it will be defeated.
The other entry I had brewing will have to wait. Just wanted to give you the update.
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