Books I want to read...

My utmost for His highest (It's a devotional book, probably going to look for it for next year since right now I've got an awesome one or two going on)

The Cost of Discipleship (I've wanted to read this book forever, but have never found it or gotten around to it)

There are some others but I can't think of them off the top of my head.

It's Sunday morning, and I slept too long to get a ride to church (I'm not so much jet lagged as tired from all the walking and searching and exploring i did yesterday)... and i feel awful about it, so I'm going to have my own chuch service here in my house. :-P

anyways. I didn't really have much to say, just making a list for my reference... also, if anyone has Becky Cranfill's e-mail address, could you pass it along to me? that'd be great.

:-)

Safely here

So my first night last night was actually pretty amazing. I got in around 5, and my neighbors came over and invited me to their house and we had tea, and then dinner, and it was wonderful. we sat around chatting. they're from upstate new york as well, and they have a dog and a cat. So I'm pretty stoked. They say my roomie is really nice as well, so that will be AMAZING.

Umm... the whole way over here, i was missing everybody, and i still am, dont get me wrong, but I hope it goes away soon, because i hate feeling lonely, though i know tomorrow i will feel lonely as im on the compound by myself all day. great. lol.

umm.. this morning maura took me around and showed me around the school, and then showed me around some shops and i bought some bowls and some storage canisters and some silverware... all in all, stuff i really needed... o, and food. i've eaten at their house 3 times and now im on my own, lol. they just left to go get foreign exchange students, so that's kind of exciting.

ummm... I don't really have a lot to say. just kind of been unpacking, trying to settle in and make my room look like MY room and not some space im sleeping in.

i'm also petrified to plug in my computer. if you remember, my dell crashed when i was in nz after being plugged in for a day i think. i dont know if the plugging it in had anything to do with it crashing, but it's definitely on my mind as i try to charge some of my stuff. maura and will plug their ipod into one of their indian surge protectors and it hasn't blown up, but im scared to try it with my zune. i'm also scared to try to charge my american phone because it is what i use as a clock at this point. so i leave it off during the day and then turn it on at night.

i've been sitting here waiting for the plumber to come fix my aquaguard so i can have clean water to drink without boiling it all, but man, he hasn't come yet. disappointing. he was supposed to be here 30 minutes ago... o well... TII.

on monday, the stock room opens so i can buy a stabilizer (for my appliances), and then a voltage adapter or two. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

okay, going to go try to talk to the hp guy to make sure i can plug in my computer without it blowing up. maura and will plug their mac in without grounding it (two prongs)... and im wondering if that makes a difference. so im going to find out.

wish me luck.

ps: Have I mentioned lately that God is amazing?

Hi from Belgium

It's 4am state-side. and it's 10am here. i board in an hour.

so for now, im bored and just updating everybody so i can then turn off my computer to conserve my battery.

I miss you guys terribly already.

:'(

Nothing of real importance to say.

Last one state-side

This is my goodbye from the states! I'm leaving in a minute to go to the airport and I doubt they'll have free internet, but if you see me online, feel free to say hi!!!!

I realize for some people that the only contact we still have (for whatever reason) has been online, anyway, so this won't really be that much different, but it feels the same no matter how I've been in contact with you on this end. It feels like I'm losing everybody. And I know I'm gaining so much and will learn so much, but it doesn't mean I won't miss home.

It's all in God's hands and we'll see what happens.

I'll be thinking of you guys. and I'll miss you.

Peace

Packing and cleaning

So I've been getting stuff together this morning, and as a test run, I put things in my suitcases, and unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to leave behind more than I thought. I mean, that's good, I shouldn't need as much as I've packed, but it's just odd to sit here and go through everything, you know? and I should probably be out of here by 5, so that leaves me with 4 more hours to get everything done.

I better get going. I'll update better in a little while when I'm done and such. ::sigh:: there's so much to do. I'm such a slacker.

Please pray for me. My heart is going crazy this afternoon.

Thanks.

"Honestly, I need to be broken..."

"Honestly, I need to fall down. Go ahead and shake my foundation. Cus honestly I'm figuring out. Of all that I have, all that I need is You. Honestly"
~Carl Cartee

I think it's amazing how God uses us when we're broken. "Honestly" is a song by Carl that I fell in love with the first time I heard it and it became my prayer for the longest time. I thank God that there have been times in my life when I've been broken and what he's done in those times. If I had not been broken down to the point of ending my life, would I really know now how to depend completely and only on Him? If I had not been digging my own grave, would I have been able to appreciate and fully accept all that God's done for me? If I had not felt so alone and abandoned, would I have been able to understand God as my father, my husband, my best friend, my EVERYTHING?

Last week, He broke me down in the early morning and used that brokeness to make me listen to Him. He clearly spoke to me as to where He wants me to go in my life. He used that brokeness to soften me up so I would appreciate what a blessing it is to see old friends.

My heart has been on a rampage of emotions for the last week and half-ish. Today, I really needed to stay for both services at church. My mom wasn't too happy about it, but my heart needed it. Who knows when I'll be in a situation like this again? who knows when I'll be in a church with this many brothers and sisters around me? who knows when I'll have the chance to visit with people in this congregation?

So I stayed. And because I stayed, even more blessings fell on me. For those that follow, finances aren't necessarily the best. I trust God to provide and to fulfill my needs where they are and in His time, and He definitely made that point today.

I was reading a devotion today and it says "Leading a life of faith often means leaving things alone." Amen. That is so true. As I've been learning this the last year, I've been blessed in so many ways. It's hard to not worry about where the money will come from, and it's often hard to think that I don't know everything. But as one of my dear friends said to me the other day, "When we don't know what we're doing, that is often when God shines through the most."

:-)

2 days left, and countless things to do.

Blessed

God answered so many prayers this week at the Crossroads youth camp. It was totally by chance that I got to go as a chaperone, and I'm so glad I didn't make excuses to keep me home when it would have been so easy to do so.

A few points from this week:
Passion comes from pathos- a willingness to suffer or endure pain.
Passion is faith in the face of fear. Believing when you should be doubting.
Passion is faithfulness in spite of consequences.
Passion is finishing well.

and a lesson from 1 Samuel:
Nothing should ever replace obedience, even when conventional wisdom and outside pressures make more sense.

---------
The week was a great chance to get to know some of the youth that I haven't spent much time with. I got to see an amazing son of God and brother in Christ give his life to the ministry. I got to see a young girl who is so eager for a deeper relationship with God, lift up her hands in praise to God.

It is odd to NOT see me raise my hands when singing and praising God. It has become part of me to fully open myself and surrender to God when singing or praying. The act of being open to God is a big part of my life, and it is an amazing feeling to see others let go and let the Holy Spirit fill them up.

I got to hear great messages that include some of those points above. I got to hear Carl Cartee read a verse and share part of his testimony that seemed aimed STRAIGHT at me, and when we talked about it later, we rejoiced in following God's voice in our hearts because you never know who needs to hear what you were told to say.

I also felt really blessed by the fact that I was given the opportunity to pour my heart and soul into some of the girls. I would keep my door open at night so they could come in while I was reading or journaling and ask questions, tell jokes, just hang out. And it was great to be able to be there when they had questions, when they just needed and ear, or when they wanted to know what kind of animal I'd be if I could be one. I love stuff like that.

::sigh::

-------------------
Thursday was a truly blessed day. The morning devotion was amazing, and so was the workshop "Creative Christianity". I was supposed to be going off campus to the river that day, but God was calling out to me to take some time out and fall on my face in front of Him. I ate lunch in the caf early, sat down with Clayton King, Nathan and their friend Mike, and later, Charie (Clayton's wife) and their nanny Abby sat down. It was a chance thing that I sat over there. I'm often shy in situations like that, but I felt like I needed to have adult contact, and besides, I had questions to ask Clayton, and really just wanted to even just LISTEN to this amazing man of God off of the stage.

Abby and I had great conversations, as did they continue when Charie joined the table. It was great to sit down with two women of God, and except for a short little bit, talk about something other than India. It's very exciting, yes, but we got down to talking about God's will and what it means, and having a deeper conversation than just "I'm moving to India." and it truly blessed my heart. Truly.

I had finished long before Abby as I had been sitting there talking with Mike and Clayton before she got there, but it was such good conversation and never felt right to leave, so I stayed, drinking water and having amazing conversation. After a bit, there was a shadow over my corner and someone said "Melissa..."

And a prayer I didn't even know I had was answered. There were Mike and Patti and Jake. O my goodness, my heart lit up. I know at some point one of them will read this, and I hope they've read the journal below as well, just so they know how much Mike means to me. That whole family is an amazing and Godly family, and just by being a part of my life, showed me how much more there was to life than what I had. That I could really wait for the man who was more like Mike and less like my natural father. He has always encouraged me and made my heart smile.

Seeing them after two years, and after having that time on Sunday when I was mourning the seeming loss of him in my life was AMAZING. It was a true blessing and meant the world to me. God is SO good!!!!

We went down to the river to see the kids and walked around, and then came back to GWU and walked around the quad. Shortly after, Amol and Rachel came up with their kids, and it was definitely a great time with them. It was exciting to see that Patti and Rachel knew some of the same people, and, like I said, was just amazing.

Paul finally answered his phone and we surprised him with the Paynes. :-) And I got to spend an afternoon with 3 very special people and eat dinner with them, and worship with them. They got to hear from Amol and Rachel that evening at the service and then went out to DQ for ice cream with us.

It was a truly blessed day.
--------------------
Today was also blessed. Amol prayed for me after the devotion time this morning, and it we had a nice talk and it's great to know that there are people over there that I know, even if they're basically no where nearby. To know that during long breaks I can go up there makes me SO excited, and just generally hopeful. Amol and Rachel are truly following the will of God and that makes me happy.

Amol was talking at one point about bringing his children to Crossroads one year and I got this picture of these kids, singing side by side with the youth at Crossroads, and it made me tear up. That is so exciting. Such a sight to see, even in my head. The nations worshiping side by side. Amen.

Amol is also planning like a youth retreat for next summer, and depending on the timing of it, I'm thinking I'll stick around for it. That is so exciting. O, so blessed.

Crossroads 2008: The year the Grey Squirrel died.
And the year my tank was filled up to the brim to carry me to India with even more passion than ever (if that was even possible).

Acts 20: 24

It's been an emotional week, but it has been so great. I'm sad that I'm leaving this place. But so excited to see what God has in store for me.